Speechless | Spencer Reid FanFiction ✔️

Chapter 55: Home*

       Everybody has been incredibly somber due to Emily's death. Spencer hasn't taken it well and I know Morgan is blaming himself. Penelope is distraught and I think maybe in a denial or bargaining phase. Seaver seems numb, but then again I don't know her well. Rossi, Hotch, and JJ seem to be taking it well, as well as can be expected anyway. I'm in full caregiver mode, trying my best to distract myself by making sure the needs of everybody else are met. I know I'm going to burn out soon, but I can't stop myself. I am already planning to make an appointment with my therapist for when we get back home.
        We all agree to meet at the tarmac at 12 pm the next day. Hotch made it a later departure so everybody had time to rest and grieve a bit before we spent a couple of hours in the air in a confined space all together. When Spencer was still sleeping, I made the rounds and checked in on everybody. I saw most of them downstairs for the breakfast the hotel provided us. It's not like a Best Western hotel with a continental breakfast but the hotel manager brought in breakfast for us after learning what we had been through the night before. Apparently that isn't incredibly common for the team, but it warmed my heart to know complete strangers showed appreciation and acknowledged this difficult time for them.
        I made a plate to bring back to Spencer so he could eat when he woke up. He's one of the worst about forgetting to eat when he's busy or sick so I have a feeling that when he's particularly grieving the loss of a friend he will forget to eat. I slowly and quietly enter the room. Spencer's still in bed, back facing me. As I make my way around to see if he's sleeping, I see his eyes are open and he's just staring blankly. I give him a half smile and set the breakfast down on one of the night stands. I run my fingers through his hair and his face flashes with a warm happy expression ever so briefly.
         I tell him "I brought you some breakfast." He shakes his head and says "I'm not hungry." I nod and tell him "we can get you something different later if you would like. We definitely need for you to eat something before the plane ride. Can you do that for me?" He nods. We sit in silence while I scratch his scalp with my fingernails, knowing how much he loves the feeling. He sighs and says "I'm sorry." I furrow my brow at him and ask "what on earth are you sorry for, baby?" He sighs again and says "I've shut you out since last night. I brought you here to protect you and I've just shut you out. Instead of turning to you for comfort, I went to leave the room. When JJ stopped me I lost all the resolve I had to leave the room. I'm sorry."
       I give him a soft smile and tell him "you have nothing to be sorry for, baby. I'm not upset with you at all. I just want to help you, okay? Let me know what I can do to help and I'll do my best." He gives me a half smile and nods. We sit there in silence for a bit until he tells me "I think I'm ready to eat something now." I smile and nod, reaching over for his breakfast. He sits up against the headboard and eats the breakfast I've brought him. He makes it through the majority of it and I'm more than happy with how much he's eaten. He curls up into my side and I'm happy to know he's not shutting me out as much anymore. He spent so much of his childhood alone with his emotions, he doesn't know how to let anybody else in when he's hurting. It'll be a long and slow process to teach him that he can depend on me when he's hurting like this, but I can be patient.
         We make our way to the tarmac after we've spent some time disassociating together and we've both eaten. Spencer drives the SUV provided by the FBI and Derek and Penelope ask if they can ride with us. I let Spencer decide and he tells them that's fine. I'm holding his hand as he drives us to the tarmac and he gives me a few tight squeezes, like he's trying to make sure I'm still there with him. The radio plays but none of us listen to it. We sit in silence amongst each other as we continue the drive. Spencer parks the car at the tarmac and Penelope and Derek get out first, Derek wraps his arm around Penelope and she leans her head on him. I can tell it isn't romantic between them, but they still love each other.
        I ask Spencer as he takes the key out of the ignition and places it in the Sun visor "you good?" He hums "I'm as okay as I can be right now. Thank you for being here for me." I give Spencer an understanding smile "always." We make our way to the jet and climb on board. I look around and we are only missing Rossi, Seaver, and JJ. I read a book while we wait and after Rossi and Seaver get on the plane, Hotch tells the pilot we are ready for takeoff. I look at him confused "where's JJ?" He responds "she had to leave late last night for an assignment." I nod, makes sense. Sucks that she has to work immediately after losing Emily. The flight is quiet and somber, everybody has headphones or a book or they're asleep. I hope everybody can recover from this, because right now I'm not so sure.