Speechless | Spencer Reid FanFiction ✔️

Chapter 19: Who is Lila?*

      Spencer visibly tenses at my question. He hesitates before saying "um L-Lila is my..my ex. How did you hear about her?" I tell him "JJ told me how Lila wasn't the best at handling the distance because of your job." Spencer scoffs and says "Lila wasn't the best at handling distance because she refused to leave LA." I look at him quizzically briefly and say "why was she in LA?" He chuckles and says "I met her there on a case."
     I whip my head to look at him and say "she's the one you kissed in the pool?" He looks down and nods. We sit in silence for a few minutes as I think back to our previous conversation and start putting together the pieces as I park my car at the apartment complex. I turn to him in shock and say "oh my god, don't tell me you dated Lila Archer?" He looks away before nodding. I practically scream "LILA FUCKING ARCHER?!"
       He recoils a bit as I move to get out of the car. He gets out of the car, too, and tries to speak before I say "let's wait and continue this conversation inside." I grab our bags and Ryder, leaving Spencer with carrying the crate inside. We quickly make it up to the apartment and I unlock the apartment and lock it behind us before turning to him and saying "so your last and only serious relationship was with a fucking movie star? Were you ever going to tell me this?"
      Spencer struggles to find the words as he says "I didn't think it was relevant and I was worried it was just going to upset you in some way." I look at Spencer and say "I'm definitely shocked. Really I just wanted to talk to you about how Lila was because of what JJ said she was like and I wanted to hear your side. I felt like knowing your side of what happened is important. I just don't know why you didn't tell me your first real girlfriend was a movie star."
      He comes towards me slowly and says "I was afraid it would make you feel like you were less because you aren't movie star. I was also afraid you would think less of me." I give Spencer a confused look and say "well, it does make me feel like I'm not up to par to your ex, I won't lie. Also why would I think less of you?" Spencer hesitates before saying "Lila was my first long term girlfriend and I tolerated her treatment because I didn't know any better. I thought because she was really pretty and wanted me I should take her lashing out and all the fighting because I was lucky to be with her and all relationships were like that. I know now that I was weak." Spencer walks away from me and goes to sit on the couch.
       I follow him and say "Spence, you weren't weak. You tried to avoid conflict in your first real relationship and it sounds like she took advantage of your innocence." Spencer scoffs and says "what does that make me?" I look at him with wide eyes and say "Spencer, it sounds like she was a master manipulator who made you believe you couldn't do any better on your own or with somebody else. That makes her an abusive partner. It doesn't make you anything." He looks down and says angrily "it makes me a victim. The team already treats me like I'm a child all the time and them knowing how Lila was didn't help."
       I give Spencer an incredulous look and say "oh wow I hope I'm never a victim that you save if that's what you think about victims." Spencer looks at me and says "wait,  that's different, the victims in my line of work didn't ask for it. They couldn't control what happened." I give Spencer a softer look and say "Spencer, you didn't ask for it either. Nor did you have control over Lila's actions." Spencer shakes his head and says "yes, I did. Every time I asked her to come to D.C. instead of surprising her in LA, every time I wasn't in the mood for sex, every time I had to leave early because of a case."
      I take a deep breath and say carefully "baby, she was manipulating you into doing what she wanted by verbally abusing you. If I'm not in the mood for sex one day are you going to scold me for it? Or hit me?" He gives me a horrified look and says "of course not!" I nod my head and say "Spencer, that's why you're so much better than she is. Did...did she hit you?" He looks down and waits about a minute before he says "she said it was a kink of hers at first. Then it started bleeding out into arguments we had."
      I look at him and say "Spencer, first off, she needed your consent first before ever implementing any 'kinks' and second, did you ever hit her back?" He shakes his head no, still looking down. I sigh and say "Spencer that's why you are so much better than she is. You deserve so much better than her. She looks real pretty on the outside until the facade wears off." Spencer nods, still not looking at me, and says "she was really great at first. She was very understanding at first. She was my first. After a couple months she changed and everything was about her and her happiness, never about me or what made me happy. She only came to DC twice to visit and only in the first couple of months."
      I sit next to him and gently lift his face to look at me, "baby, I need you to know that what she did to you was not okay. Abusers and manipulators are always great at first so that you hold on to the good memories hoping they'll be like that again one day. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you are expected to endure awful treatment from a woman. If a man did to me what Lila did to you I probably could've had him arrested for domestic violence. I don't think less of you now that I know how she treated you. I think you are so incredibly strong for enduring her abuse and not stooping to her level."
      He nods and sniffles, making me realize he's been crying and trying to hide it. I reach over to hug him and reassure him and, for the first time ever, he flinches just barely when I move toward him. It breaks my heart. He says "I'm sorry, all of this just brought back a lot of unwanted feelings and memories." I nod and quietly say "I understand, you don't have to explain yourself to me, baby. Is it okay if I hug you now?" He nods and I slowly lean forward, taking him in my arms and rubbing his back.
      While still in my embrace, he doesn't seem like he wants to leave any time soon, I say "hey, baby, I need you to know that I'm never ever going to be angry at you because of your job or because you don't want to do anything, especially if you don't want to have sex. I'm not going to want to have sex all the time, so it's not fair to expect that from you. If I ever do or say something to you that's upsetting and I don't realize it I need you to tell me so I can fix it and avoid hurting you in the future. It is not okay for me or for anyone to say anything with the intention of hurting you." He sniffles and nods.
      He's still holding me tightly and I say "Spencer, I love you. I loved you before this and I love you now, maybe even more. You are so strong, baby. Lila hurt you and that's not okay. It's never okay for someone to hurt you like she did. If I ever do see her in public I might just become an unsub." I feel him laugh slightly at that and he pulls back and says "don't do that because I don't want to lose you." I nod and pull up my pinky for a pinky promise and he takes his pinky in mine. He says "I love you, too, Annie. Thank you for listening." I nod and say "I'm sorry I overreacted a bit. I was upset you had kept stuff from me and I should've just let you talk to me about this on your own terms."
      He looks down, shaking his head and says "I don't know if I ever would have on my own. I am so ashamed." I nod and say "what exactly does the team know about her?" He says "they know we dated long distance and we fought a lot because of that. They don't really know much besides she wasn't understanding just in general." I nod and say "Spence, I doubt they are going to treat you like a baby because of that. Also, it's not anything to be ashamed of, okay? I'm proud of you for telling me and I'm proud of you for leaving that relationship." He chuckles and says "2,644 miles definitely helped. I don't know if I would've left if I lived with her." I nod and say "I'm still proud of you nonetheless. Not just for leaving that bitch, but for every other little thing that makes you you."
       He smiles and nods before giving me a quick kiss. He looks at me and says "I want you to know that you have no reason to feel inferior compared to her. She is an awful person, but you are a light in this dark world. You spend every day of your life helping others. You help others regain their voices and their quality of life. All Lila does is make money using her body and that won't last for her much longer, but you will always have your compassionate and caring heart that I fell in love with first before anything else."
       I look down and blush and say "thank you, Spence. Those words mean a lot to me, especially coming from you. You spend every day selflessly helping others, too, and I love you for it. You have a heart of gold and deserve everything good this world has to offer. You are worth the wait every time you leave and you are worth 100x more than whatever she told you if not more. You are the most important person in my life and I can't imagine life without you now." He smiles sheepishly and I kiss him briefly.
       I pull back from the kiss and look at him and say "now, how about we get in comfy pajamas, pop some popcorn, close the black out curtains, and have a Harry Potter marathon, hmm?" His eyes light up as he smiles and nods his approval. I giggle and say "okay go get in comfy pajamas and I'll pop the popcorn." He nods and goes to my bedroom with his bag and I go to cook the popcorn in the kitchen. I'm still in my pajamas from JJ's so I just wait for Spencer to come back while also waiting on the popcorn to be done. He comes around the corner and wraps his arms around my waist from behind and says "thank you, Annie." I lean in to the embrace and say "any time, bubs."
      He leans in to my ear and says "I think this movie marathon would be a lot comfier if you didn't wear anything." I chuckle and say "comfier for you or comfier for me?" He grins and says "both!" I shake my head and move to get the popcorn out of the microwave as I say "I would be much too cold, Dr. Reid." He grabs me again from behind, more forcefully this time, and says in my ear "then don't start what you can't finish by calling me Dr. Reid. You know what that does to me. Understand?" His change in demeanor sends excitement coursing through my veins and I say "yes." He says "yes what?" I gulp and say "yes, sir." He pulls away and lightly smacks my ass as he says "good girl," before taking the popcorn from me. I sit there and think to myself where did that come from?