Speechless | Spencer Reid FanFiction ✔️

Chapter 43: Endorphins*

       I pull some strings in the hospital I work at and get Spencer in Monday morning to be seen by one of our neurosurgeons for a consultation and an MRI. Spencer did a little bit better on Sunday after a good night's sleep, but we still tried to keep the brightness down to a minimum. He was very affectionate, some light physical touch calming and soothing him just a little. We were able to watch tv at one point we just turned the brightness levels down and Spencer even wore sunglasses but he wanted to spend the time catching up on "Game of Thrones" since we hadn't spent a lot of time watching it recently.
Spencer and I walk in the main doors of the hospital, I had already managed to switch shifts with Alison who was supposed to be off on Monday so I wasn't taking another day off so soon after being back from vacation. He knows where we are going but his eyes are still bothering him and the bright fluorescents of the hospital are making his pain that much worse. We make our way to the neurosurgeons office so he can see Spencer, mainly as a favor to me. I see him quite often when treating TBI, stroke, and dementia patients. I shake his hand when we walk in and say "Hi, Dr. Hendon, this is my fiancé, Dr. Spencer Reid. Thank you for agreeing to meet with us on such short notice."
Dr. Hendon smiles a warm smile and says as he shakes my hand "of course, you've helped me through many tough cases with patients in the short time you've been here. I'm happy to help, especially after seeing the severity of your pain, Dr. Reid." Spencer nods, shielding his eyes with his hands on top of the sunglasses and says "yes, thank you. Um I hate to be rude but is there any way we could turn these lights off or go to a darker area?" Dr. Hendon nods and turns off the overhead lights in his office and turns on some muted lamps on his desk and in the corner. He turns to Spencer "is this better or do you need it darker?" Spencer gently removes the sunglasses and tentatively checks how the brightness affects him. He says "this is much better, thank you."
       Dr. Hendon nods and says "quite a bit of my patients have issues with brightness, so it's perfectly understandable. Now, Anneliese has shared with me some of your symptoms, but I would like to hear more from you about them." Spencer nods and says "Sure um they really only started in the past few months, they really mainly happen when there's a lot of brightness. It's mainly my eyes that are bothering me but the longer the pain lasts, it spreads from around my eyes to further back in my head." The doctor asks "does it cause any other symptoms like nausea, fatigue, numbness, confusion, delirium, anything like that?" Spencer says "nausea and fatigue if it's really bad. Usually I can push through and be fine, but I was really sick on Saturday, worse than I ever have been with these headaches."
       The doctor nods and continues "Anneliese has informed me that you work for the FBI and a good deal of that is out in the field so I won't ask you if you're stressed because I know you're under immense stress with a job like that. What's your sleep like?" Spencer hesitates before saying "I...um I get enough to get by." I raise an eyebrow at Spencer and he doesn't make eye contact with me. I told him I would only interject if necessary and this is necessary. I try to say softly but sternly "Spencer, you know that's not true. I can count on one hand the number of hours of sleep you get most nights. When you finally have a break you often sleep 12 hours or more." I can see Spencer setting his jaw and I know he's angry with me.
        Dr. Hendon says "intense stress coupled with a lack of sleep can affect your body greatly, especially if it's long term. However, I do want to be as thorough as can be and get an MRI scan just to make sure there's not something else that could be causing these headaches." Spencer and I both nod in agreement. The doctor tells me "Anneliese, you can wait here, one of my residents will come to get Spencer prepped for the MRI." Dr. Hendon leaves the room to talk to radiology and tell them he's coming down with a patient. My heart starts beating faster now that I realize I'm not going to be able to go with them. I naively thought I could've been in the observation area with the tech and Dr. Hendon due to the fact that I work at the hospital and work in radiology a lot to do modified barium swallow assessments.
       Spencer grabs my hand and says "I can almost hear your heartbeat. Everything is going to be fine." I let out one humorless laugh "I should be comforting you, Spence. I thought you were mad at me." Spencer says "I wasn't happy in the moment, but I probably should've been more honest with him. I just didn't want to feel shamed or be told it was wrong." I nod and tell him "Dr. Hendon is a really nice man and is really good with patients. I know him personally and professionally and wouldn't take you to a doctor if I thought he would make you feel shamed or anything like that. He understands what it's like to have a high stress job and lack of sleep, too." Spencer hums in agreement. He says "why are you getting nervous, we both knew I was most likely going to get an MRI."
       I nod and say "I thought I was going to come with you and could observe the procedure but I should've known being an employee of the hospital wouldn't let me do that. I am worried your claustrophobia will bother you." Spencer gives me a confused look and says "I'm not claustrophobic?" I furrow my brow and ask "then, in that story you told me, why were you so scared in the elevator with Morgan when he had to pry the doors open?" Spencer chuckles and says "I'm afraid of elevator malfunctions, especially when they stall or seem unsafe. I'm not afraid of tight spaces." I nod and say "oh, that makes sense." Spencer hums and smiles as he takes my hand, giving it a light squeeze. He says "everything is going to be okay. Just sit tight in here for a while and I'll be back before you know it."
       I nod and give him a soft smile. A younger male doctor steps in and asks "Dr. Reid? Dr. Hendon sent me to get you prepped for an MRI. I'm Dr. King, one of Dr. Hendon's residents." We both smile and say hello as we stand. I give Spencer a quick kiss and wish him luck. Dr. King tells me "this will probably take about 30 minutes to an hour." I thank him and sit back down to wait. I text Killian and update her since she and Hotch are the only ones who know about Spencer's headaches right now. She tells me she will come sit with me in a bit when she's on her break. Until then I decide to sit on my phone and read a book.
       I hear a knock and say "come in." Killian enters the room and says "hey, sweets, how's he doing?" I tell her he was starting to do better but the brightness in the hospital still bothered him. She asks me "what do you think is causing it?" I let out a sarcastic laugh and tell her "honestly I'm terrified it could be a tumor or an aneurysm or something like that. He's afraid it's an early sign of schizophrenia." Killian asks me "do you think that could be it?" I shake my head "I've worked with schizophrenia patients, some younger than him, and they had different and worse symptoms. None of them reported headaches like this. I think it's specific to his eyes or he's overworked himself to this point." Killian nods "that makes sense." She then asks me "how are you holding up? You tend to go into caregiver mode and quit taking care of yourself."
        I start to deny it and she says "don't tell me that's not true. Every time something happens to Spencer you forget to eat or drink water or you don't bathe enough or do laundry enough." I tell her "well I have to take care of Spencer's eating and drinking and bathing and laundry when he's sick so those are good reminders that I need them, too." Killian nods "if you need a break just to go for a walk or get some sleep without being worried about him remember you do have a friend who is a nurse who is happy to step in and take care of him for a while." I chuckle "Killian he's not a baby he can take care of himself for a few hours at least." She nods "I know, but I know you'd feel better if you knew somebody was watching over him while you were gone." I nod because that's actually very true.
       I scoff and shake my head "he would honestly hate that I would want you to watch him. It's not that he isn't independent I just get so worried about him when he's on a case and now I'm worried about him at home because he's in so much pain. The only thing that has helped has been us living in near total darkness and me rubbing his arms or playing with his hair. He's had a lot of nausea, too, he hasn't been able to eat much since the brunch on Saturday." Killian nods as she listens intently. She says "well one thing to combat the nausea would be rubbing alcohol. Sniffing it can reduce nausea. I learned it from another nurse on the floor when I was a baby nurse, but it works great for hangovers, too." I giggle and say "I can't believe you and Hotch are together. He's just so strict and you're so carefree. How does that work?" She giggles and says "how about we schedule a wine night when Spencer is feeling better? The guys will be on a case and we can tell each other all the dirty details without any listening ears, hmm?"
       From the doorway Spencer says "Um I'm not sure I approve of what you're implying, Kil?" She lets out a dramatic gasp as she stands up and crosses her fingers behind her back as she says "I was only kidding, Spencer, how you feeling?" Spencer raises an eyebrow, not believing her. He says "I'm not Hotch; you can't fool me with your flirty antics. I'm feeling a bit better, thank you for asking." Killian says "Aw good I'm glad to hear that. I told Annie if she needs somebody to help if things get worse she can call me. It might be helpful to have a nurse around with illness like this anyway." Spencer gives her a soft smile and says "thanks, Killian, I really appreciate it." She smiles and pats his shoulder as she exits the office.
        Spencer comes and sits by me and says "it went smoothly, now we just have to wait for the results." I nod and give him a small smile. He then tells me "it's quite likely we won't get the scans back immediately, Annie." My shoulders fall and I bury my face in my hands. Spencer says "hey, hey, it's okay." I lean back again and say "I'm sorry, Spencer. You're the one in pain and I'm being dramatic." Spencer gently takes my hand and says "you've been doing so much to take care of me and make me feel better. I know you've hardly slept because I have hardly slept and you've been awake with me every step of the way since Saturday morning. You're exhausted and you haven't eaten much. It's okay to be overwhelmed." I'm holding back frustrated tears at this point and say "I just hate seeing you in so much pain. It hurts me to see it, I'm sure not as much as it hurts you but I can't stop it. If I could absorb the pain for you, then I would."
       Spencer lightly pushes some hair out of my face and behind my ear and says "maybe you should remember this in a year or two if we end up having babies any time soon." He looks at me with an expectant smile and I start laughing slightly at the implication. He chuckles a bit, too. I say "so you want me to remember this pain you're having when I'm giving birth to our future children?" Spencer smiles and shrugs "if it helps." I laugh and nod. Before I can say anything else Dr. Hendon walks in. He says "good to see you two laughing. So I have good news and bad news. I have not gotten a chance to look at the scans up close, but nothing appears to stand out at this moment. Everything appears to be within normal limits and measurements. If that changes I will call you. Anneliese has my cell number and you can both call me at any time. I'm going to prescribe you some medication for the migraines, it's essentially faster acting and extended release excedrin migraine."
       Dr. Hendon starts writing the prescription and I can feel Spencer's hand get sweaty in mine. Spencer struggles to find his words and says "actually I would prefer to not take any pain medication." Dr. Hendon looks up and gives Spencer a soft and understanding look. He says "Annie told me about your addiction to hydromorphone. This should not interact more than a normal non steroidal anti inflammatory. If you've had issues with those while in recovery then you shouldn't take this. If you feel at any time you are having any kind of negative reactions to it then you do not have to take it. The level of pain you're in will likely require medication to bring it down, at least quickly. I've included a printout about the drug so you can see all of the ingredients and the research along with it. It's quite a bit of information, but Annie said you would prefer as much information as I could provide."
       Spencer nods and thanks him quietly. Dr. Hendon continues "my current professional opinion, based on your unremarkable scans, is you are having these headaches due to stress and lack of sleep. If you do not give your body enough rest and recovery time when you can provide it, then your body will force you to stop at some point. I'm afraid that's what this is. I'm essentially prescribing you bed rest. Spend some time calming down, getting enough rest, and try to cut down on the caffeine if you can. That will likely help a lot, but start small. Something else that will probably help is acupuncture. Try it a couple times and if it doesn't work then you don't have to try it again. There's a few providers in the packet I'm going to give you of information. Any questions?"
      Spencer nods and says "I really do not want to relapse, I don't think I've ever even tried ibuprofen or advil since getting sober." Dr. Hendon nods "then start with that if it will make you more comfortable. I've worked with a lot of patients who have had various addictions. Most of them professionals in the medical field who either needed to get sober or stay sober. A relapse is the last thing I want. Talk to me, talk to each other, talk to your sponsor if you have one. Communication is what's going to make this work the best." Spencer nods and asks "I know you know my medical history, but do you think this could possibly be an early manifestation of schizophrenia?" Dr. Hendon asks "have you been experiencing any symptoms of schizophrenia? Like confusion, mood swings, aggression, impulsivity? Anything like that?"
       Spencer shakes his head. Dr. Hendon says "based on that, I think that is highly unlikely. If my recommended treatments don't work or if you start to develop other concerning symptoms then we can revisit that. Anything else?" We look at each other and then shake our heads. He then tells us we are free to go and reiterates the key points of his speech. We thank him and get up to leave. As we are leaving Dr. Hendon calls from the doorway  "one more thing!" We turn and walk back a couple steps to give him our full attention. He says "one thing that has been studied and proven to help chronic migraines is sexual intercourse, or really just orgasms, so that might be another thing to try. The information on that is also included in the packet. Have fun you two." He winks suggestively and shuts his office door, leaving Spencer and I stunned in the hallway.
       Spencer and I both chuckle, shocked, and then head out the door. Once in the elevator I say "I know what I'm doing when I get home." Spencer chuckles and shakes his head. I tell him "honestly I'm surprised you didn't already know this and tell me about it earlier." Spencer says "the thought of sex treating a migraine hadn't even occurred to me because sex didn't sound good due to the pain." I nod and just chuckle as I say "thanks, babe." He says "you know that's not what I meant." I giggle and tell him "I know." We leave the hospital and after we hop in the car I tell him "Now let's get you something to eat while we are out. What sounds good? We can pick up anything on the way home." Spencer hums and says "how about just a grilled cheese and some soup from that diner we went to a couple times that's near here?" I nod and pick up my phone to order it. I go ahead and order myself the same thing because it honestly sounds good even though it's just before 10 am on a Monday.
We sit in the car outside the diner, waiting on when the food will be ready in about 15 minutes. I turn to him and say "seriously, talk to me. How are you feeling about all of this?" Spencer let's out a sigh as he turns his face forward and knits his hands together in his lap. He says "I don't know I just don't want to risk a relapse. I'm scared even ibuprofen could trigger something." I hum and gently run my fingers through his hair, he visibly relaxes. I tell him "baby, Dr. Hendon is amazing at what he does. I trust him with my life and, more importantly, yours." Spencer gives me a shy smile "your life is much more important than mine is." I shake my head and say "not from where I am standing. Now are you willing to try the acupuncture?" Spencer nods "there's a lot of science out there about pressure points that details the way acupuncture works. I'll give it a shot and if I hate it I won't go again." I smile and nod, I had worried he wouldn't even give it a shot with some of his opinions.
I then tell him "Spencer, if you don't feel up to having sex we don't have to, you know that right? No doctor can force that on us or anything." Spencer chuckles "believe me, Annie, it doesn't have to be forced on me to want to have sex with you." I smile and blush at the sentiment. He then starts laughing harder "I think if Morgan and Emily knew that the doctor literally prescribed me sex they would have a field day with it." I giggle and nod "they definitely would. As would Killian." I then ask him "how did the MRI go?" Spencer shrugs "I knew what to expect and it didn't take too long because everybody knew what they were doing. That was definitely reassuring." I giggle "glad to know my fellow hospital staff know what they're doing." He chuckles lightly and goes quiet again.
I look at him and softly say "I love you, you know? I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you, Spence." Spencer turns to me with soft eyes and says "how could I not know you love me with all the reminders, verbal and physical? If you didn't love me, you would've run for the hills long before this. You didn't leave me when I got shot before we were even labeling things. I can never doubt how much you love me because you constantly show it. I can only hope you see how much I love you in the things I do as well."
I give him a smile, my eyes watering a bit and say "Spencer, are you kidding? You show me how much you love me all the time. Coming to meet my family, helping me through facing an attacker in Vegas and an old one at home, all the elaborate plots that came together so you could propose to me in such a beautiful perfect way? Spencer, you always validate my feelings and never make me feel crazy for having them. You are more than I could've ever asked for and you show me you love me all the time, especially every time you come home to me." Spencer blushes slightly and nods, I lean forward to plant a lingering kiss on his lips. When I pull away I tell him "I'm going to go get our food before this goes too far and we get arrested for public indecency." Spencer chuckles and nods.