19 Days - One Shots

An Overwhelming Loss

Trigger warning - death, grief. I'm sorry to keep doing this to you guys. Please forgive me

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One Day

Mo Guan Shan slammed the door to He Tian's apartment and slid down the door, hugging the black jacket close to his chest. Tears streamed down his face but he didn't try to stop them. He let the overwhelming grief flow through him until his body was wracked with sobs.

He put He Tian's jacket to his face and cried into it as memories of He Tian flashed through his mind. He raced through his mind, trying to figure out how this happened, how he could have stopped it, how he could've done better. In the back of his mind, he knew how He Tian felt about him. He could have acted on it to save himself all this regret and 'what ifs' that were racing through his mind.

He had run to the hospital and was met with He Cheng surrounded by men in black suits. He Cheng had tears running down his face as he turned away from the pale body on the bed. The still body on the bed had his face was covered but Guan Shan could recognise the black hair that poked out from anywhere.

'It was an accident,' He Cheng had told him. 'He was in the estate when we were attacked and a stray bullet hit him. He wasn't supposed to be there.' Intense anger took over and Guan Shan had hit He Cheng over and over again, but the older man never resisted. It wasn't until Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi had come and pulled him away, did he leave and run to the very apartment he was sitting in.

Guan Shan took a deep breath and looked up. He Tian had never liked to decorate, with boxes still sitting in the corners of the room. Guan Shan got up and walked over to the closet. He slid the doors open and was glad to see that he was at least tidy with his clothes.

On his knees, Guan Shan crawled into the closet and pulled the door shut until there was a stream of light filtering through. He pulled as many clothes as he could off their hangers and wrapped them around him like a blanket. He Tian's scent surrounded him and he snuggled in closer, hoping to be with him just one last time. He closed his eyes as a few more tears slid down his cheeks.

*

Guan Shan was startled awake when he heard the apartment door close. Peering through the stream of light that filtered through the closet door, Guan Shan waited to see who it was. Footsteps could be heard before the bed creaked as someone sat on it and a deep voice called out.

"I'm so sorry, little brother. I should have protected you. That was my only job as your big brother and I failed you." Guan Shan's eyes teared up again and he sniffed. The footsteps picked up again and the closet door opened. Guan Shan squinted against the setting sun and glanced up at a tired He Cheng. The older man bent down and spoke softly. "What are you doing in here?"

Guan Shan picked up a shirt. "They smell like him. I needed to be close to him again." He shook his head, the tears starting to fall once again. "I can't lose him yet, I'm not ready to let go."

He Cheng put his hand around the back of Guan Shan's neck and pulled him in gently for a hug, holding him tight, like he was afraid he would disappear. "Me either," Was all he said.

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I know this was a short one, but writing this hurt my soul. I'm so sorry guys.