Rosete | REVIEW SHOP [CLOSED]

《June》The Bunny Man

Reviewer: june_berrin
Written by: Shy-Nim

Reviewer's Note:
Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.
It was a great story and I enjoyed it.

❥ Title: The title matches the story well and also has a link to the main character; BTS Jungkook. It doesn't give me much of a killer vibe and rather a romantic or any other, but it still works.

❥ Cover: The cover with all due honesty needs a lot of work. First off the colours used in the title doesn't go well together. The pictures added are in different filters, and needs to be blended well. The picture of jungkook is good but the same can't be said with the bunny face. It just looks weird and does not go well with the cover. Plus the bunny's head is too big in the picture.
The font used for the title doesn't match and the subtitles are not readable. The white and yellow shade used in the cover needs to be changed. The font colour and font style used need to be changed for the title, authors name and subtitle.

❥ Blurb: A well-written blurb I must say. I loved the way you managed to put on curiosity to the readers. It did spark my interest. Apart from some grammar issues, the blurb is good.

❥ Storyline: Overall it was a very unique story but at the same time the plot needs a lot of work. The ending and all is confusing and not properly written. The story pace was very fast and you could have added more cute and meaningful moments. The plot was also a bit predictable but was actually good one for a first-time mystery writer!!! Great job
In the first chapter, you need to remember that in a news, people don't speak as they speak to people normally. And doesn't give too much information out like that, since the case is going on, the police won't give out a lot. You should not explain how the murder happened in detail more than once as if you are directly trying to speak to a person. Many lines were repeated a lot of times especially the killing, like a teacher teaching a student.
Also, I suggest that you use the show and not tell method.
And I also suggest you read other writers books on Wattpad itself which will help you improve your writing skills.

❥ Characters: The character development needs a lot of improvement. Jungkook did have a tragic past but at the last moment/climax you messed it up a lot. You have not been able to properly portray the characters. Their emotions and all were changing too fast I think you need to just work on it a bit.

❥ Grammar and punctuations: Your grammar needs some work, especially with the tenses. You often have punctuation problems, in some areas you lack them and in others, you add them unnecessarily. Also, you should not write the dialogues in inverted commas when you are reporting something, for example, in your story the reporter is reporting the news to the people so you need to change it to the reported form means you have to write it in the third person like for example,

Dialogue: “It was the funniest show I have ever seen.” Joan told me.
Reported speech: John told me that it was the funniest show she had ever seen.

See the difference?

No typos are found, the rest all is fine and can be corrected with some proofreading.

❥ Conclusions: This story is really good, but needs a lot of work on it. And it is fine because no writer can write a beautiful and perfect piece the first time. You have written very well for a first-time writer. Good job dear and if any of my words hurt you then I am sincerely sorry, my intention was to only to help you and your story. Hope you understand and find this review helpful.

Best Wishes