MCYT/DSMP oneshots/preferences

°INCORRECT QUOTES°

Hey shawties y'all wanna hear some shit me and my friends said but with some of your favorite mcyt's?

No?

Too bad

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Tommy: *is violently ill with a stomach bug*

Techno: if you throw up on my shoes i will kill you

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Tommy: are we being chased right now?!

Tubbo: i think we are!

Ranboo: if we were in my old carolla i think we'd be dead by now

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Wilbur: okay, so here's the thing about this-

Quackity: i don't wanna hear anything about relationships coming from someone who tried to fuck my boyfriend

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Techno: the women, children, entire families i would kill for that right now

Tommy, shaking: its- it's a strawberry shortcake-

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Sam: *minding his own business*

Boomer, from absolutely no where: AYYYYYE HOMIE GOT A DUMP TRUCK

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Ranboo: *wears a slightly lighter shade of black*

Tommy: bursting out the spring colors i see

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Dream: they are not clown shoes

Quackity: yeah i guess you're right...

Dream: thank you-

Quackity: you definitely stole them from a bowling alley

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Schlatt: i could kill you six different ways with my pinky finger

Tommy: says the guy who's voice sounds like a chicken nugget

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Slightly altering this one but the original is hilarious with context

Tommy: bestie i gotta fart

Tubbo: okay

Tommy: *shits*

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Wilbur: *says the word cum ONCE*

Tommy: *loses his fucking mind*

Wilbur: I HAVE BEEN PUTTING SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO TREE PUNS FOR HALF A FUCKING HOUR BUT I SAY THE WORD 'CUM' ONCE, AND YOU LOSE IT

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Tommy: we're at McDonald's right now

Phil: are you really?

Tommy: what- no, we're out doing hard crack

Phil: as long as the drugs are crunchy

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Billzo: why are giraffes built like that

Billzo: absolutely no ass

Billzo: you know when they clappin cheeks they really just clappin bones

Ranboo: bruh don't say that

Billzo: i think the reason they have no ass is because when giraffes are born they have to fall like 10+ feet to the ground so they're just clenching them cheeks real hard their entire life

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Tubbo: *talking to Ranboo endlessly about doing drugs in a van and threatening people with nukes*

Tubbo: you're not listening are you

Ranboo: no

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Ranboo: sometimes i get stuck in a tough situation

Ranboo: then i ask myself, "what would John Mulaney do?

Ranboo: typically the answer is "drink copious amounts of alcohol" and then i move on

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Phil: no, that's a horrible place to vacation

Tubbo: and so is Chernobyl but people still go there

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Tommy: my favourite pass time is probably waking up early when Techno and Phil are away so i can listen to Wilbur talk shit about them

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Tommy: at least i didn't have a BTS phase

Ranboo, about to end his whole career: y'know what, at least i didn't have a 'it's not a phase mom's phase

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Purpled: Ranboo said my aura is black and that's why he didn't like me

Punz: nah he was right your a total bitch

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Tommy: I've kissed women before!

Techno: the picture of Zendaya under your bed doesn't count, Tommy

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They are originally talking about a *drink* here

Schlatt, on his phone and holding a bottle: what company manufactures squirt?

Wilbur: *belches* mine-

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Sapnap: *throwing up in the backyard*

George, on facetime with Dream: is he okay?

Dream: as long as he doesn't get it on the carpet, yes

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Dream, in prison after the entire SMP worked together to put him there: bruh i think i fucked up my soup-

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Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I sneezed whoops

Anyways-

i'm planning an intervention for my sister to put an end to her bitchy behavior and my friends and i have a list of bulletpoints and i call them (my sister's name)'s bitch points and i think it's absolutely hilarious and if anyone wants to read them i will definitely privately message you all of mine bc there is some TEA Y'ALL

but also the rink i practice at got renovated and now like every week the dude who now owns it is always like 'sorry bestie we're having to do something to the floors today tee hee hee 🤭🤭' like bitch you've had like three months get this shit done please i wanna hit people and drop bodies like the bitch i am