Complicated (Reader Avengers Romance)

I blame me

Loki's POV

I knew something was wrong the second Bucky got out of bed. He was snappy, more so than usual. Whatever phone call had woken him wasn't good news. As he jumped into the shower I slipped on some Midgardian clothes, and headed downstairs. The house felt so empty without Y/N. No clothes scattered about, or dirty glasses. I hate mess but it feels odd not having something to clean up. The sound of her singing was the thing I noticed most, the house had never been this quiet.

Turning on the coffee machine, I pull out two cups from the cupboard, and place Bucky's down on the kitchen island. Not long after I hear him coming down to join me. Before he sits down, he wraps his arms around me from behind, placing a kiss on my neck. I can't help the arousal that floods through me. He knows just where to place kisses to distract me. Something he'd been attempting to do a lot of since he'd come back from trying to find Y/N. Today I'd had enough, I loved his need to protect me but he couldn't keep hiding the truth.

Turning in his arms I place a kiss to his lips before guiding him to the stool in the kitchen. Giving him a gentle nudge I made him sit down before sitting next to him. Resting a hand on his muscular thigh, I have to attempt to keep my thoughts out of the gutter.
"So how much danger is she in?"
I didn't have to read his mind to know something was wrong, and the only thing to set him off like this would be Y/N.

I could see the guilt wash across his face as he ran his hands through his hair. "SHIELD have a warrant out for her arrest."
My heart sank as I thought about her being in danger. What caught my attention was the way that Bucky couldn't look me in the eye. It was then I realised why he had been so attentive and determined to keep us hidden away for the last week.

"How long have you known where she was?" My voice came out harsher than I'd intended but I was angry. All this time we could've been with her and Bucky had prevented that.
He took a sip of his coffee before running his hands over his face. "I found Steve just over a week ago." He rested his chin on his hand, waiting for my reaction. I wanted nothing more than to shout, to get out my frustration. However that's not what Y/N needs right now, so for now I hold back as much as I can.
"You told me you didn't find her." My teeth grind as I hold back.

"She wasn't there." Bucky's voice was small, laced with worry. It was in that moment I realised how much he'd regretted holding back what he knew. Lacing my fingers with his I felt my anger dissipate slightly.
"I'm angry, but I know you. There's more to this than you've told me."

His shoulders slumped as his eyes glossed over. "My time as the Winter Soldier. I killed a lot of people. Two of which were her parents."
That admission was all I needed to let go of my anger. He didn't talk about that time in his life often. My tone softened completely as I tried to give him the support he needed.
"You couldn't face her." I knew him inside and out, he would be holding on to that guilt. In the same way I still did about New York. Everyone assumed you moved on and forgot, but the nameless faces haunted your every moment.

"Could you face the woman you loved knowing how you'd ripped her family apart? Taken the parents that adored her away from her?"

"You know she would never blame you for that."

Bucky looked to the floor before his eyes met mine. Unshed tears waiting to fall. "I blame me."

***

Pulling up outside the hospital you ran in and straight to where Maria said they would be. Ignoring the doctors, Steve wasn't far behind you. Through the observation room window, you could see the doctors trying their best to save Nick's life.
The more the doctors worked, the less likely it seemed to be that he was going to make it. You could feel the panic rising in your chest.
Your grip on the handrail in front of you became tighter with every second. "What the hell happened?"
Steve came up behind you, placing his hand on your shoulder. "He was trying to clear our names."
The fact that you'd doubted Nick made you feel sick. He was here because of you.
Steve turned away, his grip on the data drive tightening as he did.
You couldn't help the tear that fell as Maria came to stand beside you. "Come on Patchy, don't do this." You whispered.

You watched as the doctors called the time of death. Your heart breaking for the man you'd considered a friend. Storming out of the observation room, your fist found the first available wall. Your legs gave way and you crumpled to the floor. Guilt consuming every bone in your body.

You weren't sure how long you'd been sat there when Steve came along. Crouching down in front of you he helped you to your feet.
"Go and say goodbye Y/N."

He led you into a sterile room where Nick was. A hospital sheet covering his large body. You walked over to him as Steve stepped back to give you a moment. You weren't particularly close with Nick, but he had been the one to call off SHIELD when you first left Wakanda. You owed him everything. "We're going to make this right."

All sense of time left you, Steve's hand on your shoulder pulled you out of your thoughts. You turned to look at him. "We need to go Y/N."
You nodded and placed your hand on Nick's head before storming out of the room. Getting into the passenger seat of the car, you waited for Steve. He climbed into the drivers seat a worried look across his face. It was the first time you'd voluntarily let him drive. "I don't trust myself not to drive straight to SHIELD and unload my gun into Pierce's chest." You admitted before turning your attention to the city outside the window.

Steve didn't push you to talk, which you appreciated. He drove you both back to the safehouse. You went straight to the kitchen needing a drink. Once you'd poured yourself a large serving, you turned your attention to the plan you and Steve had been devising.

***

It was a few days later when everything went to hell.
"Well that went well." You huffed as a man with a gun pushed you to your knees. The plan had been to meet up with a contact of Alexander Pierce, but they'd double crossed you. Ratting you and Steve out to SHIELD. The man behind you stared up at the loud whirring of the news helicopter hovering above you. You recognised him from SHIELD. Brock fucking Rumlow. He turned to the one who had his gun pressed against Steve's head. "Not here."

You couldn't help the words that fell from your lips. "What's the matter Rumlow? Scared people will find out the truth?"
The cuffs he was attaching to your wrists suddenly became painfully tight.
"You want to see your precious Bucky again, I'd shut your mouth." He sneered.

You couldn't help the rage that surged through you. Flames begging to come to life and burn the scumbag behind you. Steve got your attention and subtlety shook his head. You knew he was right, burning SHIELD agents in the middle of the street with cameras all around. Not such a good idea.

They bundled you and Steve into the back of an armoured vehicle. The metal seat cutting into your legs as they forced you to sit. Two guards dressed all in black, with blacked out helmets sat waiting for you to mess up.

You leant you head back, regretting it immediately when your head thumped against the metal. Steve sat across from you, a solemn look across his face.
"I promised to keep you safe." He muttered, looking at the ground.
You gave his leg a soft kick, getting his attention.
"We lost the battle Rogers. Not the war." How you were going to win said war now you were in Hydra custody, you weren't quite sure.

Before you had time to begin thinking of an escape. One of the guards attacked the other, knocking them out cold.
You and Steve looked at each other, confusion and shock across your faces.
Shoulder length brown hair fell from the helmet before you realised who is was.

"That thing was squeezing my brain."

You smiled at her. "Damn it's good to see you Hill."

Agent Hill looked between you and Steve with a slight smirk on her face. "It's about to get better."
She unlocked your cuffs and pulled a device that looked like a pen out of her pocket.
Drawing a circle on the bottom of the truck, the floor fell through. Rolling out of it was painful, scuff marks covered your arms.

After scrambling into a waiting vehicle, Maria sped off in the opposite direction, refusing to give you any information on where you were going.

When you finally got out the car, you were at an abandoned warehouse. Nothing around for miles. With a nod of her head she led you to a well hidden door. It led underground, much like the SHIELD facility you'd been attacked in. Walking through the dimly lit corridors, she led you into a well lit room.

Your heart caught in your throat as you saw who was lying in the bed in front of you.
"Well it's about damn time."

"Patchy you son of a bitch."