Complicated (Reader Avengers Romance)

Grief

Everyone was gathered outside the compound. A somber mood settling over them. The news of Nat's death had affected them all in different ways.

"Has anyone seen Y/N since?" Tony asked, hiding his tears behind a pair of his signature sunglasses. He knew what Nat meant to you, and he was worried about you.

Tears softly fell down Steve's face as he looked out over the water.
"No, she locked herself in her room. She won't even talk to Bucky and Loki."

"Nat was practically her sister. We might lose her because of this." Clint stated, guilt surging through him.

He wished it was him that had died. He'd kept what happened to a bare minimum, not wanting to relive that trauma over again. The look of despair in your eyes as you realised the soul stone sat in the palm of your hand. Or the way you'd completely zoned out on the journey home. He was heartbroken himself, Nat was his best friend. The difference was that you had to watch her fall, to see her dead on the ground. He was beyond thankful that he hadn't had to see it, but it didn't stop the pain.

"Clint, what happened out there?" Tony asked, the need to understand your pain outweighing everything else.

With a sigh, Clint turned round to face everyone. "She wanted to be the one to do it. Nat didn't give her...she didn't give us a choice."

Bucky stormed off, unable to listen to anymore. He was heartbroken for you, but hearing that you wanted to do it was too much. He knew that him and Loki would've survived but they never would've been happy. Did you not see how much you meant to them?

No one said a word as Bucky walked away, the gravity of what had happened sinking over them. Even the chirping of the birds over the lake seemed to lose it's beauty.

"If we lose her to her grief, it'll all be for nothing." Clint stated. Everyone was well aware that none of them were strong enough to defeat what was coming, they needed you.

Steve stood up, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Then we make sure that doesn't happen." Nat's death would not be for nothing, he wouldn't let it. Deep down he knew you wouldn't either. Between all of you, there was a strong and powerful dysfunctional family bond. None of them would let you fall because you wouldn't let them.

Bucky found Loki in the same spot outside your old room at the compound. The door was locked, the same way it had been since you'd run inside refusing to talk to anyone.

"Do something!" Loki roared, showing Bucky a glimpse of the darker side of Loki.

"What do you want me to do? Break down the door?"

"If that's what it takes then yes!" Loki snapped.

"I'm not going to do that. Give her time to grieve." He'd be lying if he said the thought hadn't crossed his mind of forcing his way in, but that was what he needed not what you needed.

That wasn't enough for Loki, he had a burning urge to protect you, to not let you succumb to the pain that was in your heart.
"Meanwhile we do what? Sit and wait?" He scoffed, shaking his head.

Bucky tried to take hold of his hand, hiding the hurt when Loki wouldn't let him.
"I get that you're worried, so am I but pushing her will make it worse." He knew you too well, knew that if they pushed it would end up with you taking out your anger out on them. The last thing any of you needed was a big rift between you.

"Because you know her so much better than me right?" Loki spat back.

"That's not what I'm saying, you know that." Bucky reigned in his own anger at Loki's words, the sting that he felt.

"I just want my wife back!" Loki roared, completely unaware of the emphasis he'd put on the word 'my'.

The restraint Bucky had snapped as he got in Loki's face. "OUR wife!" He expected Loki to apologise, to tell him that wasn't what he meant. So when he was greeted with silence he hid his pain behind his irritation. "This isn't all about you. Grow the fuck up!" He turned away from Loki.

"Bucky, wait..." Loki called out.

Bucky turned, letting Loki see the hurt on his face. "I can't be near you right now."

You'd heard the entire argument, yet you couldn't bring yourself to open the door. You couldn't bring yourself to face the people that loved you when one of them was missing. You pulled yourself from the bed, heading into the bathroom and into the shower. You turned the heat up as far as it would go, needing to feel the burn of the water on your skin.

Your mind drifted, memories of Nat playing on loop in your head as the water from the shower washed away your tears.

"Forgive me little sister." Nat pleaded, pulling you into a hug.

You gripped onto her, your knuckles white as you held onto her. "Always." You never blamed her for escaping the Red Room, you were happy she had. The day you'd come back from Wakanda and walked into the compound she pulled you into her. Needing to make things right with at least one of her sisters.

You were drinking and laughing at the bar with her. The light shining over her as you relished in the bond you both shared.

The memories became more painful with each flash, your heart feeling like it was being torn out of your chest. Never before had you experienced loss this deep. It was as if you'd lost the light in your life.

"I need you Tasha, I can't do this without you." You wailed into the air, collapsing to the ground as you fell apart.

After the water had run cold, your skin stinging with each droplet you pulled yourself from the ground. Stumbling back into your room you picked up a photo of you and Nat, a wall erecting itself around your shattered heart. You'd make Thanos pay, even if it killed you.

To do that you needed to gain control of every single part of your powers. A sense of purpose washed over you as you pulled your suit on. You needed to get out of your room without being seen, you were angry and the last thing you needed was to set the compound ablaze.

Thor's voice gained your attention, him dragging Loki away from your door gave you the opportunity that you needed. Even without realising it, Thor was doing what he did best. Being there for you, without even trying.

You took a deep breath, pulling your magic back as you opened the door. Relief washed over you as you stepped out. You became more sure of what you needed to do with each step. You needed to take control of the ticking time bomb within you. Only then would you be able to protect those you loved and avenge Nat's death.

Now you understood what Loki meant when he spoke about having a glorious purpose.

This was yours.