Complicated (Reader Avengers Romance)

It's not forever

Three days had passed since you killed Pierce. Three days you should've been with the men that love you. Yet three days you'd sat staring at the data drive in front of you, silent tears rolling down your face. You wanted so much to go running home, but it wasn't that simple. You'd thought about telling them where you were but Tony would track them. That was a risk you couldn't take. Not yet.

"We don't need to hide anymore. Why are you still here?"
You looked up to find Steve leaning against the door frame, his keys clinking in his hands. He looked fresher, cleaner and he'd definitely slept. You couldn't say the same for yourself.
You gave him a sad smile. "You stopped hiding. I didn't." Propping your feet up on the coffee table, you lean your head back on the tattered sofa.

"You know they're lost without you." Steve said before placing his keys on the table, showing you he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. The idea of Bucky and Loki hurting because of your actions nearly tore you apart. It wasn't their fault, you knew Bucky would be blaming himself right now. Hopefully Loki would be enough to comfort him. You could never blame Bucky for this, you just didn't know how to handle it.

"Yet you didn't tell them where to find me." A knowing smirk crossed your lips as you watched Steve come and sit beside you. The springs in the sofa groaning as he sat down.
"I guess I'm more scared of you than them."

"That never used to stop you." You regretted the words the second they left your lips. Bringing up your past with Steve wasn't how you wanted to handle this. "Sorry. That was a cheap shot."

His face remained void of any emotion as he looked over at you. "For a long time I thought if I separated you and Bucky, I could win you over."

You glared at him. "You better be going somewhere with this."

"It wasn't you I wanted, I was what you have with him and Loki." Steve's admission took you by surprise.

"What about now?"

You could see him thinking about how to respond, like he was worried about your response. "I'd like to think we're friends. So tell me why you're still hiding."

You sat playing with a small string of fabric on your sweatshirt, well Loki's sweatshirt. "I used to have nothing, just a pawn in someone else's game." A small smile crossed your face as you looked at Steve. "Then I met Loki, he gave me my life back. Not long after, I met Bucky and he gave me something to live for."
Steve didn't say a word, simply waiting for you to get everything off your chest. "Then I found out I was a Stark, suddenly I had a family. A brother who has always supported me in everything. Now I have this." You picked up the data drive, twirling it in your hands. "If I tell him I lose him, but if I keep it a secret, I spend the rest of my life lying to him. So tell me Steve, how am I supposed to go home?"

"I don't know, but if you don't. You lose it all anyway. A life on the run is no way to live Y/N."

You knew he was right, at some point you had to face what was waiting for you. You just needed time to decide what was best. "Just keep them safe for me? It's not forever I just need some time."

Steve gave you a nod, understanding what you needed. "Just don't disappear on me ok?"

You made an ex over your heart with a smile. "I promise." Never had you been more glad to have Steve on your side. You knew you could trust him. Only one other person knew where you were and he would protect you too. Once you'd decided not to go back you had sent a location to Thor, it wouldn't be long before he turned up.

Steve left with a promise to try and smooth things over back at the compound. Once he left you sat curled up on the sofa, the rain echoing as it hit the roof. Pouring yourself a drink you couldn't help but wonder what Loki and Bucky were doing. You had to hope they were keeping each other safe.

***

Steve walked into the compound, his heart thumping in his chest. He knew this conversation wasn't going to go well, but he owed you for all the hell he'd put you through. He'd barely stepped into the compound before Loki and Bucky stepped into his path. He could see the way their faces dropped when they realised he was alone.

"Where is she pal?" Bucky looked at him, hoping, praying that Steve would tell him.

Steve ran his hand through his hair, dreading this conversation. "She needs time Buck."

Loki's head snapped towards him, his heartbreak written all over his face. "She needs time? That's all we get?" He needed you, more than he'd admit to anyone.

"She's safe Loki and it's not forever."

The hurt in Loki's voice was evident as his voice got louder. "So you do know where she is."

"Yes I do, but I won't break her trust by telling you." Steve wanted nothing more than to tell them both where you were, but he'd worked too hard to rebuild the bridge he'd burnt with you. Finally you trusted him and he wouldn't break that. Even if he didn't agree with what you were doing, he respected your right to choose your own path.

"TELL ME!" Loki's voice echoed around the compound. Bucky immediately pulled Loki to his side. Wanting nothing more than the console the man he loved. Loki brushed him off, not willing to show anyone how much he was hurting. The rejection hurt Bucky but he knew it was only because Loki was heartbroken. He didn't hide it as well as he thought he did.

Running his hand through his hair, Bucky looked over at Steve. "It's because of me, because of what I did. Take Loki to her Steve."
Loki looked over at him in utter shock, unable to register the fact that Bucky was willing to be left alone, in order to keep Loki happy. Immediately Loki took Bucky's hand in his, showing him that he wasn't leaving him. He couldn't let Bucky be left behind, no matter how much he wanted to be with you.

Steve watched the exchange, guilt over his part in the heartbreak. "She just needs time Bucky. Please give her that. She'll come home. " He tried his best to console not just Bucky, but Loki too.

"It's not that simple Steve. She's stressed and upset. She'll end up overthinking things, it'll make it worse." Bucky kept his grip on Loki's hand, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles. It helped keep Loki calm as he spoke to Steve. "After everything, why would she talk to you and not us?" He wasn't angry that you'd confided in Steve, just confused.

"She knew you'd convince her to come home. That is the only reason she hasn't been in contact with you."

"So now we just sit and wait until she decides what's best?"

Bucky could almost feel the way Loki was falling apart. He turned his face towards him. "We both miss her Lo, but you know if we push her, she'll stay away longer." He couldn't help the small smile that crossed his face. "She's stubborn that way."

Loki knew he was right, you were nothing if not stubborn. A trait he usually loved, but not today. Today it was the one trait that left you without him. "She's suffering and she's alone Bucky."

"She won't be alone." Thor walked over to them, a worried look on his face. He knew Loki wasn't going to take the news well, but he deserved to know. "She sent me a location. She won't be alone brother."

Both anger and relief flooded through Loki. He was glad you weren't going to suffer alone, but it enraged him that you'd gone to his brother over him. He couldn't stand to see his brother be the one to comfort you when it should be him. Without saying a word he stormed out of the compound, not trusting himself around people right now. You were gone and he was hurting, the chance of him falling back into old habits was high.