Chapter One hundred and ten - Deteriorating

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Warning: This chapter contains disturbing themes of...past trauma, emotional, physical, and even sexual. With a severe episode of PTSD happening in the process. There will be strong emotions throughout, that may be uncomfortable to some readers. Viewer description is advice... Also, some scenes will switch into another situation from time to time. And there will be a tint of sexual content.

Seidou mindlessly swept the floor, humming a seemingly peaceful, and very much empty tone. As his brain just fuzzes out, and goes blank, a soft ringing within his ears as the floor before him seems as if it was afloat. He was floating, but in not in such a...fun way? He was dizzy, confused, and numb.

Only one thought came to mind. 'What did he mean...to make use of his kagune? His weapon of mass destruction, perhaps...?' Seidou ceased his sweeping, and just stood there ever so blankly. He couldn't think after that thought, that dream...it was so different from the other ones...

And suddenly, a quick flash before his eyes, and the floor is identical to that of his cell. He screamed, falling backward onto the floor. Panting, gulping down on a heavy breath.

He looked around himself, and his breathing only worsened, as he saw his surroundings shift into that cursed place. He looks around some more, frantically as he was trying to catch sight of a certain figure. Feeling a light touch on his shoulder, making him bounce with anxiety, screaming from the softest touch. "AAAAHH-!" "Woah, Seidou... Are you okay...?" It was just Karren...just Karren.

"O-Oh, sweetie-! I'm...I'm fine!" Karren crossed her arms, appearing with a doubtful expression. "You don't seem 'fine', come on... I know what this is Seidou, you're experiencing a-!" Seidou raised his hand up, sighing softly. "Don't...say it. Please, not you." Karren leaned forward.

"Seidou, there's nothing to be ashamed of here, remember?" "I-I wasn't...I wasn't experiencing an episode, I couldn't have been!" Karren raised an eyebrow. "You 'couldn't have', how so?"

Seidou shook his head. "E-Everything was going just fine, things were starting to get better. It can't be happening, I should be cured-!" "Seidou, you can't just 'cure' this. This is your PTSD, you have to accept-!" Seidou slammed his fist against the floor. "I'M TIRED OF KNOWING THAT, EVER SINCE I WAS GIVEN THAT LABEL! I AM SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS, I'M SICK OF IT DOING THIS! I-It's like...whenever I think it gets better, it just comes back at its worst!" Karren knelt down, tense as she accesses the situation at hand. "Hey, hey... You're getting better, you are. It gets better, I swear..." Seidou raised his knees up to, a hand on his forehead. "That's what I thought, just a few days ago... Everything was just...fine, great in fact. I forgot it was even a problem... But lately..." Seidou shook his head. "No, don't worry about it... I can do this, don't bother yourself. You deal enough with it, it's time I put this stupid-!" Seidou stops himself.

"What I'm trying to say is...y-you don't to concern yourself, I'm okay." "Where's Donut? She should be with you right now..." Seidou points in the direction of the back door. "She's out there... She was having an anxiety attack, and she likes being out there to calm down..." 

Karren walks over, opening the door to see a patiently waiting Donut, appearing clueless until she saw her upset master on the floor. Trotting over, like a carefree miniature pony. Wagging her stubby tail as she normally did. Seidou looks back over at his girlfriend. "S-See? You can go now, do what you need to do." "Seidou, why are you so-?" "Please, just leave me alone... I just...I can't right now. Just please, I can't..." Karren, without a comment, leaves.

Seidou looks down at Donut, her eyes rather curious. "I had to, I'm a mess right now."

Seidou sighed, clinging to Donut lovingly, and yet as if it was to cling back to life. "I thought I was getting better, I really did... I thought I was finally free from it, or something. But no...they were just better moments." Seidou sighed yet again, his face planted into her fur. "I'm a mess..." To that, Donut whimpered. 'Broken.'

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