Into The Rose Garden (Seidou x Kanae/Karren)

Chapter Eighty-three - Trapped

Warning: This chapter goes deep into bringing up past traumas. Such as mental, psychological and sexual trauma. This also tackles subjects like abuse, sexual assault and manipulation. And of course, physical and morbid forms of abuse. Viewer discretion is advice.

Seidou glanced up, completely frozen in shock. Like a deer caught in headlights. Kanae was hovering above him, with her gaze fixated on the brunette. For so long, Kanae had been nothing but confused about everything she had felt, all of her life.

What was love? What was freedom? What was sorrow? What was anything? All she knew at that moment, in THAT moment, was that Seidou had never failed to make her feel less confused. Like, he knew what it was like to be in a position like hers, trapped in a life you had to make for others. Lingering amongst those closest to you, afraid of ever being more than what they want you to be. Hiding who you really were, terrified to let others down.

Kanae's hair fell due to the gravity, as her eyes remained on the confused male. "Seidou...I'm sorry...I can't hide it anymore... I need you, no...I want you. I'm always afraid of saying the wrong things, but with you...it feels so natural. You don't look at me as a child, you look at me like a grown woman. I want...I want..." 

Kanae gulped down, feeling a strong desire to just...take the male now. Seidou made her feel so many things, and yet she wanted more. She began to place her right hand on the lower half of Seidou's body, moving across his abs, causing his body to tense up and become rigid. But Kanae didn't notice.

"Seidou, I want you... I want to do...more, I-!" Suddenly, Seidou grabs onto Kanae's right sleeve, shivering as tears suddenly began to form. His expression became that of hopelessness, as he began to live a vivid memory from his past. "U-Um, K-Kanae...? I-I'm freaking out..." He stated, his breath shaky as he tried to remain calm.

Kanae snaps out of it, realizing that Seidou was reliving through something horrific. "N-Not there...please not there, s-stop..." Seidou's head the whole time wasn't even facing Kanae, instead it was facing the right side of the room. Towards a corner.

Kanae looked down, finding exactly what Seidou was going on about. Kanae quickly takes her hand away from Seidou lower half, but it takes time before he himself notices. "Seidou, I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I-I didn't know! I-I rushed, and I thought you would..." Seidou turns his head to Kanae, tears still in his eyes. "Kanae...?" "Seidou...what hurts you? Was it...me? Was it always me?"

Seidou pushed the female away, launching his body up to sit properly, shaking his head. "N-No, no! It wasn't your fault, it never was... It's mine, even when everyone else says otherwise, I know it's mine." The male looked away. "For a while, I wanted to change everything around me. But now...I think it's me that needs to change..." 

Kanae shook her head. "D-Don't say that, you're fine just the way you-!" "NO I'M NOT, I WAS NEVER FINE!" Seidou growled, but more towards himself. "I'm sorry, it's just...i-it has a lot to do with...what happened to me. How else do you think I could get PTSD in the first place?" Kanae shrugged. "Police work, but...I know you were hurt by that old man somehow, you just never told me about what he did exactly."

Seidou looked down, thinking over the events that led him there. Kanae deserved the truth, at least most of it. He couldn't take it anymore, he looked into the mirror nearby, only to see his past self. Wearing those ragged clothes, with his hair completely brown and short, and just eyes full of tears. 'Tell her...please... We can't do this anymore, I can't take it...! I-It hurts...!' 

Kanae sighed. "But, I guess if you don't want to talk about it, that's completely fine." "No, Kanae...I want to talk about it, with you. It's about time I had...it's been eating me up since day one."