Let You Love Me || tae•gi•kook ||

Therapy (part 2)

[YOONGI POV]
"Both." I try so hard not to break down in tears but it's hard to keep my composure.

I can't help it. It hurts me to remember everything Master said to me. What he did to me.

I let out a choppy exhale and try to stop my hands from trembling too much.

"Who was it?" Namjoon asks me and I freeze. My eyes snap up towards his, and I hesitate.

Do I tell him? No. Why does he have to know anyway? It not like he can do anything about it now. I'm already this fucked up.

"Yoongi." I jump at that, and shrink into myself. "I..I can't- I don't want to.." I don't have the courage to look him in the eye.

"Well if you're this reluctant to tell me, then I assume your trauma originates from this person." I neither confirm or denie his assumption. Namjoon sighs and from the sound of it, my silence wasn't what he wanted.

I watch Namjoon write in his notebook and raise my hand to bite on my fingertips out of anxiety.

"Ok, lets do this instead. I'm going to ask you a series of questions Yoongi, answer me to the best of your abilities. For some of these, you don't have to verbally tell me 'yes' or 'no' if you're not comfortable, just give me a nod or shake your head no." Namjoon flips a page on his notebook.

"And, you don't have to elaborate on any of these either, just please answer honestly." Namjoon narrows his eyes after the honesty part and i nod so he can continue to whatever he want to ask me.

"Firstly, do you consume or have consumed drugs before?" I frown and spat out a 'no' with a glare.

"You think I'm a fucking druggie??" I ask with a snort. Jesus, I would've been even more fucked up if I was on drugs. Hell, I wouldn't even be here, I would be locked up in a fucking mental asylum or something.

Namjoon ignores my comment and goes to the second question. "Then has this certain person ever consume drugs?" I pause and swallow.

"Yeah."

"What substance? And how often?" Namjoon pressed and I look down at my crossed legs.

"Alcohol...coke. Everything he could get his hands on really. And almost everyday." I lost count of the number of times I've seen small baggies with white cocaine, pills scattered around the table along with cigarette buds, a few needles and empty bottles everywhere.

"Then has this person ever try to force you to consume?"

"No." "Was the person aggressive whenever they were high on drugs?" I snort a laugh. What's with the stupid ass obvious question?

"What do you think Mr. Therapist?" I raise a brow at him, mocking his stupid question as he writes something down.

"Was this person physically abusive towards you?" I say nothing for a few seconds, and look away with a bored face. Didn't I already tell him that??

"Yes." "Was this person emotionally and mentally abusive towards you?" I stare out the picture frame on the wall of the room and answer yes.

"Was the person..sexually abusive towards you?" I fight the urge to cringe on the spot. I shiver with just the thought of him touching me again. I feel like vomiting. I feel sick.

Namjoon waits for my answer and I try my hardest not to throw up my lunch.

Calm down Yoongi. Calm down, breathe. I'm okay..

I must've been having my little episode for a while now because Namjoon started to switch his sitting position.

The lump in my throat prevented me from speaking. I slowly nod, feeling my stomach turn and twist.

Thankfully, Namjoon doesn't ask me about that topic and waits a good three minutes to continue his questions.

By the time he resumes, I've somewhat calmed down.

"Are you eating at all?" I frown and look at myself. Why is he asking me this? Do I look underweight? Starved?

"Yes? Way better than before." Namjoon nods. "Are you sleeping well?" My hands instantly reach for the dark circles under my eyes.

"Not really. I have...nightmares that keep me up." Namjoon nods like he understands.

"Okay, this next one is a very serious question Yoongi. Answer me honestly." My nerves shoot up just by hearing him say that.

"Have you ever thought or attempted to commit suicide?" My heart stutters, and my breath was suddenly taken away from me.

Namjoon looks me dead in the eyes and one of my hand clasps around my wrist tightly.

"Umm... I-" I open my mouth and hesitate once more and consider lying and saying no, but before I could lie, my nose caught a whiff of Taehyung's scent.

I look up past the open door of the room to find Taehyung leaning against the wall of the hallway. He wore a soft fond smile as he stared at us in the room, he was far away from the room, probably not wanting to eavesdrop but just to check on us.

My voice gets caught in my throat and I look away from his soft chocolate eyes. No. I can't lie. I'm doing this for them, for us. I can't lie.

I promised...

I turn to look at Namjoon who was patiently awaiting my answer with a serious face.

I inhale sharply and swallow hard to try to get rid of this knot on my throat that keeps me quiet. I gave Taehyung's scent one whiff before exposing my vulnerable myself to him.

"I've thought about it...thousands of times Joon." My eyes water and shameful tears spill from my eyes.

"And I've also tried to end it all." I whispered more to myself.

"Yoongi..." Namjoon's voice came softly, and his tone was one I never thought I would hear from him especially. It was familiarity...like he he knows what it felt like.

What I felt like.

No proofread.
A/N: YEAH YEAH BOO HOO! FUCK ME FOR NOT UPDATING IN LIKE 3 MONTHS. Yeah yeah well I at least updated this today so...

And yes I fucking know it's short but I just wanted to let y'all know this bitch is not FUCKEN dead.

Hopefully I'll get my grove on and come back to my updating schedule bc rn I'm pretty fucked up mentally and physically.
Anyway,
Stay safe my Petals!
-NICO💜