Miserable | The Marauders

17

Peace

Jordan-Ella

"James, can we speak?" I asked the brunette boy as he was sitting in a window seal in the empty corridor.

He looked at his three friends, this his Lily-Flower. She knew we had been having problems, but didn't know why. I wish she knew why, but that was something I had to talk to James about first.

Lily released James' hand and he looked at her with a little disbelief. James turned back to me and nodded. I led us to another corridor away from the others. Merlin knows Sirius would love to eavesdrop on us right now.

I offered James a sincere look before speaking. "I hate what has been going on between us. Ever since what happened over the break, we haven't been the same. I know we won't be the same, but we can at least make a new normal. James, you were close to being one of my best friends and we both messed up. I'm sorry and I want everything to try to go back to how it used to be."

James bit the inside of his cheek. "I don't know, Jordan. It looks like that night meant nothing to you because you have done it before, but for me it was the first time. I gave you something that, in my head, I would only give to Lily. I can't even go that far with her now. I've tried. It doesn't feel right."

Taken back by his statement, I tried to keep calm. "It may have not been my first time, James, but it did mean something to me. I don't sleep around. I don't sleep with someone unless it feels right. It felt right that night, but I see it was wrong because of Lily."

"Lily and I weren't together, Jordan. I didn't know how she felt. I had others telling me how she felt, but I didn't know if I should believe it because it could be too good to be true. Then came you. You wanted me and I wanted you, so we both had what we wanted. I got to wake up with you in my arms. Like how I dreamed so many times since meeting you." James confessed.

I had no words to offer James. I was stunned. I wondered how it would work to confess these things, but also have a girlfriend. "James, I think you should tell Lily what happened. Not because you two are together now, but if those who are aware and could be hurt by it, we can save them the some of the pain of thinking we were hiding it from them. She's the only one besides Peter that doesn't know."

James was taken back for a moment. "Your brother, Regulus, and Marlene know? How did they find out?"

"Evan read my mind, Regulus put a truth serum in my drink, and Marlene caught me crying over the situation." I explained.

"You cried over it?" James asked softly.

I nodded. "Yes, because I was confused. There came the time when I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know how I felt about you, but when I figured it out, Lily confessed to you. I thought you were over it, so I got over it. That's why I'm asking us to both be over it and tell her. Not because I want you or to hurt her, but because she is our best friend."

James stood there with his hands now shoved into his pockets of his robes. I took this time of his silence to look at his robes. The Gryffindor red looked really good on him. I looked at mine and I knew the dark green looked good on me. I just didn't know if our colors should clash in this way.

"I saw you and Padfoot the night of your birthday." James started to say. "I saw the look on your face seeing the fireworks and how he did all of that for you. I saw how you almost kissed, but hugged instead. I was on my way to tell you that I think I love you, but I saw all of it. He never let go of your hand after the hug. That's when I knew I was over it."

Shock filled my body, as James began to walk away. "You can tell Lily, because I know what I just told you will hurt her anyway. We can be good again, Jordan-Ella. With time."