Uchiha Collision (Sequel of Uchiha Corp)

Confessions- Part 2 Journal

A/N: First, this is another Y/n POV
As she writes in her journal. Possible trigger warnings.

Second, I am recovering from surgery. I wasn't going to go into detail, but I wanted to let my readers know that I had a hysterectomy. My recovery is easy but not. A lot of lying around and resting is in my future. I'm doing well, but I don't have much energy for anything at the moment. Thank you for your patience.

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How do you find the words to apologize for every mistake you made in life? The failures. The disasters. The chaos you brought into other's lives. There's so much I want to repent for.

But do I?

If I could change anything, would I?

No.

The answer is always the same.

And every time I sit down to write an apology, I can't. I am sorry. I am sorry for what I've caused everyone- that much is true. But I'm not sorry for where it's gotten me in life.

I have Kikyo.

I have Tsuki.

And while it may not seem like it right now, on this day, I have my husband. If I could go back to him today, I know he would accept me with open arms. I'm not ready yet. It's not the right time.

At the end of this, Obito, if you're reading this and I'm not here, know that I planned on coming back. I planned on being in your arms again. You made a mistake because of what I did. I can't hold that against you. And while I was lying in another man's bed, I have no doubt you slept in an empty one.

Somehow, if my words become public knowledge, I want everyone to know how I ended up here. Sitting at a desk in the Senju mansion, waiting for Tobirama to emerge from his room. He'll be dressed to accompany me to the funeral of my husband's uncle. What a degrading thing for me to do. How low can I possibly be?

Low.

Filthy.

Worthless.

I am all of these things because I have to be.

The world needs a villain. You might think that it's Madara. But it's not. It's me. Until everyone can live peacefully, they need someone they can blame. They need a face to hate. A story to whisper. A name to spit on.

Obito doesn't deserve to be that person. His heart is too pure. His soul is too forgiving. While he may have blood on his hands, it was never his choice. Madara always forced his hand. And Izuna, that was for me. He would never have done it if Izuna wasn't a threat to me.

If Madara lives and these words make it to him, I want him to know a few things:

– You're wrong. I never loved you. You were good, though. At manipulating me. At making me think I needed you.
– Your secrets will not die with me. I have left the information in the safe filled with recordings of our conversations with my lawyer. Upon my death, she'll hand over the tapes to Obito.
– You're a worthless human being. You lie and deceive everyone you touch. I hope your death is/was painful and slow. No matter when that day comes, never forget that I will see you in hell.
– Your son is nothing like you

Next, I'd like to leave a few words for Kakashi:

– Thank you for loving me. You loved me when I didn't even love myself. You taught me what love is.
– Thank you for leaving me. You might think I'm crazy, but you doing that made me love myself. And without you walking away, I wouldn't have Kikyo.

Last, is Zabuza:

– You truly did pick up the pieces when Kakashi left. You made me grow up. You helped me move on.
– You gave me Kikyo.
– You saved me from myself.

There will be more words. There will be more thank yous. More answers. More truths.

As I pen these words, I'm fighting the hate away. The self-loathing eats away at me. The erosion chips away layer by layer until I no longer exist. I fade into nothing. I feel nothing. It's blissful. It's quiet. Then I find myself alone, and I hate it.

If Obito finds it in his heart to forgive me after all of this, I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. I'm undeserving of anyone's love. Of anyone's forgiveness. The life I've chosen for myself is not the life I wish for my children. That is my only regret.

If I can do one thing in my life before I die, I want my children to know that I love them. Everything I did, I did for them. Unfortunately, I lost myself after I had Tsuki. And then I lost Tsuki.

Zabuza never kept her from her me. I saw her almost every day until I met Ry. When Ry found out about Kikyo, he was excited. Then he found out who her father was. I thought maybe it would pass, that he would let it go. Then I realized it was too late. I was too deep into the family.

When I went to Zabuza, he wanted me to go into witness protection. Then his boss found out how much information I had. So the process started for me to move back to Konoha. Infiltrate another crime family. Use the Shimura family against the Uchiha. Madara would want to take Danzo down. That's how it was supposed to go.

That wasn't how it happened. When Pein and Kisame were in Kiri, they were there to find me. The plan was to kidnap me. Use me for information on Danzo. Making Danzo's olive branch to Madara backfire. The entire plan blew up instead.

After Danzo learned about Madara keeping me for himself, Danzo wanted to take me out instead. He had Ry try to reason with me. Or so I was told. The night of the masquerade was meant for Ry to convince me to marry him. When that failed, Rin was directed to hold the wedding publicly. Ry and Danzo were going to kill Rin and me, ending everything in one historic night.

Izuna was using Rin. Rin was using Izuna. I don't think anyone truly knows what either of them wanted. Rin didn't deserve what Izuna did to her. Part of me wishes that Izuna lived so I could watch him slowly die as they pushed the needle into the IV, ending his life. Though, that would've been too peaceful for him.

If I ever get to speak to Danzo, I'll listen to his story before watching the light fade from his eyes.

Madara's death? I haven't decided what I want that to be like. It will happen. Even if I have to jump off the top of a building as I take him down with me, I will. Plunging a knife into his dark heart. Slicing his throat. Pulling the trigger. Letting him burn alive. I've dreamt of the ways I want him to die. None of them are torturous enough for what he's done to everyone.

For now, I will let everyone hate me. I can only hope they'll forgive me when this is all said and done.