Uchiha Collision (Sequel of Uchiha Corp)

Wait- Part 3 Journal

I lied. And I'm sorry for that.

I lied about many things. This particular entry is about Danzo. It was the piece of information that Madara needed for me to trust him. Not that I do, but I needed him to think so. What makes it worse, Zabuza knew. Rasa knew. Kisame didn't. Jirayia didn't.

But I did. And I kept it from everyone.

There's more. I fight every day with, wanting to tell everyone. But I continue to lie. I'll likely take some lies to my grave.

———

I'm starting to wonder if I was destined to be alone.

When I distance myself from others, there's less chance of something going wrong. By cutting ties with everyone, no one gets hurt. Even me.

When I lie in bed alone, I long to feel your touch. When I share a bed with Tobirama, I feel disgusted. With myself. And no one else.

I'm using him. He knows it. That doesn't make what I'm doing any less wrong. Just because you made a drunken, high, angered mistake doesn't make what I'm doing right.

I'd say that if all of this weren't going on, I would've heard you out. I would've taken the time to stop and listen to you. Try and understand.

That's a lie. Another one.

If none of this were going on, I wouldn't have been at the Senju mansion that day.

If none of this were going on, Shisui wouldn't have admitted how he felt. Adding to your suspicions. For the record, Shisui and I haven't slept together since the train to Suna.

If none of this were going on, you wouldn't have gone searching for someone to make you forget. Even if you didn't consciously do it, that's what you sought. You felt ignored. You felt forgotten. You felt invisible.

This all falls onto me. Always me. Always my fault.

That thought is always there. The way to escape. So many ways. So many options. Disappear and never come back. To leave and not have to feel. To vanish and slip into nothing.

To die.

I won't do it. I will live. Once Madara is dead at my feet, I will continue to live as a testament to my children. No one can bring me down. I am stronger than those that oppose me.

My thoughts betray me often. If the words I've written in the journal don't show that, I don't know what else will.

You can hate me for saying it, but if it weren't for Tobirama, I probably would've given up. He's a distraction. He keeps my mind occupied. After everything is over, I don't know that you can forgive me. If you're reading these words and I'm alive, know that I never did any of this with the intent to hurt you. I did it all to protect you. To protect our daughters. To protect our families.

Call me selfish, but this was the only way I knew how to achieve the end we all need. The end we all want. The end we all deserve. He must die. I'm the only one who can get close enough to make that happen.

There's one more step before that can happen.

You'll hear the name Tora one day. Another Uchiha. The long-lost son of your uncle. Tani's son. How fucked up is that?

The lies that this family, your family, my family, ALL the families, are based upon would make most people go mad. The web that was weaved decades ago ensnared its prey, willing and not. The predator sucks the life out of you, leaving a hollow shell of what used to be.

Not me.

I lie in wait. Pretending to be the perfect prisoner. Agreeing to the terms sat before me. When the time is right, the hunted will become the hunter. The end is coming, Obito. I promise you that.

Part of me hopes you never read this. If I live, I'd like to burn these pages. Forget this part of our lives ever happened. Can we do that? Can we move on? Can you forgive me? Can I forgive you?

Your single transgression compared to what I have done is nothing. I am no better than the man I am hunting.

When the thought becomes too heavy- too real- I remember that you would never have loved me if that were true. There must be some decency within me. Human nature, rather than a monster, must reside inside of me.

But then, I ask myself: who am I? Who is the real Y/n? I think she was lost a long time ago. You found her. For a brief moment in time. She was there. Living happily. An ignorant bliss.

Can we go back to that? Can we go back to the way we were before the phone call? Before you said her name in a drunken moment of weakness. Before, I pushed you away because of stupid jealousy. Or was the moment we turned before that? Should we have stepped away from one another after the case ended?

Here I go again with all the what-ifs. My life is full of so many. What if Madara hadn't crashed the plane? What if Tsunade decided to keep me? What if they didn't send me to boarding school? What if Kakashi never walked in that diner? What if Rin never called him crying about you? What if I never met Ry?

I have to stop myself sometimes. It's as if my mind is on the same loop. Always asking the same questions. Then justifying the choices I've made. Even writing these words down, every entry seems to be the same.

What if...

Why...

How...

It's time to stop asking and start acting. I must put an end to him. I'll do whatever I have to to make sure he takes his last breath. I'll watch as the life leaves his eyes. Count the seconds it takes for his blood to drain.

Then I can breathe. Then I can live. Then I can beg for forgiveness. Then I can let myself love you again. Please, Obito, let me keep being the woman everyone hates. Only a little longer.

Even though I shouldn't, I beg you, please: Wait for me.