GUNDO
"Are you going to ignore me for the rest of the night?" her voice comes out tiny and almost squeaky. This is when I know she'll go all the way to get me to talk to her
"I'm not ignoring you"
"You are" she insists and when I look at her she has this soft expression on her face, her gaze is so warm, she knows just how to pull me in especially when she does this cute pout that always gets me to smile, that and the fact that I've missed her so much "You're taking good care of me but you're not talking to me, that hurts"
"What should I say?" I ask her
"Tell me what you're feeling" she speaks quietly again
"I feel jealous and I'm angry. I'm angry that you put his shirt on, you should only be sleeping with mine on. I'm mad at the fact that he was there for you when I wasn't, although I know it's my own doing"
"I wasn't trying to make you feel any of those things and I'm sorry for it. I know how it must have looked to you, you had every right to be angry but I swear, I never crossed a line with Musa"
"I know you didn't, Mufunwa. I just hate that another man got close to you like that"
She looks down and plays with her fingers, she wants to say something to me but she's having doubts
"Talk to me, sthandwa sam [My love] " I get even closer so I can hold her. All the anger I felt just hours ago has subsided and it all doesn't count for anything anymore, that's the effect Thandiwe has on me. Just one look and it all melts away
"That's how I've been feeling for the past few days. I know you keep saying this thing with Emmé is just an arrangement but you spent days and nights with her Gundo. And it's only the beginning, it was so much hell the past days, imagining what could be going on" she then lifts her head so we can have eye contact "I don't want you to think that I went to Musa out of spite or anything of that sort. I just had a lot going on and I'm even scared to ask questions about your time away" she adds and I know exactly what she means to ask
It takes me back to when I almost lost it with Emmé, when her seduction almost had me in but I didn't, I didn't cross that line. However, I know that I need to be open with Thandi for this not to come out one day and look like I intentionally hid it from her
"I shared a bed with Emmé" I start and she bows her head again but I hold her, not wanting to let her go "I didn't touch her, it didn't lead to anything. I swear"
It goes quiet for a while in the room, Thandi relaxes more on my chest and I caress her wedding ring and finger with my thumb. This woman means so much to me, so much
"I believe you" She finally speaks "And I also know that this won't always be the case"
"Thandiwe-"
"No" she whispers then moves on the bed to straddle me "I don't want you to make those promises to me Gundo, for the day you break them, it will break me, it will destroy me... So don't make those promises" she speaks gently
"I want to-"
"Gundo, during your trip. Can you honestly tell me that Emmé didn't trt anything to get your attention?" she asks me and I can't even lie so I shake my head "My love, for you to have noticed that she's trying something, it only means she succeeded... Your eyes met her attention seeking tendencies, be it voluntarily or not... It worked"
"Thandiwe" our eyes never leave each other, she looks at me like she's reaching for my soul and I'm at a loss for words
"The future is lurking Gundo. I don't want you to make promises we both know you won't maintain so I want to focus on now, I want you to love me now, I need you to love me now, love me so hard while the spark is still there, before it goes off"
"It won-"
She shuts me up by placing her index finger on my lips "Don't... Don't say it. Just love me in this moment okay"
Thandiwe's words tell me she's already decided that one day will will part ways, she's already decided how this will end. I'm incapable of leaving her and I desperately don't want her to leave me so this kind of talk is freaking me out
She brushes off a stray tear on her cheek "It's the last one, I promise" she shuts her eyes saying it more to herself than me "Just love me while you can Gundo" she whispers then opens her eyes and cups my face with her hands
She gently massages my stubble and kisses the bridge of my nose, she moves higher and rests her lips on my forehead and my hands wrap tighter around her
She leans in and kisses my lips, ever so slowly and I follow her lead, our hearts are beating fast against our chests and when she releases a soft moan, all my self control is gone, she has tossed it out for me
She sits up straight and pulls up the t-shirt I'm wearing so I can take it off and I help her. When my chest is laid bare infront of her she slowly drags her warm fingers against it. Feeling every ab and outline, giving me goosebumps with her touch. She leans further down planting kisses all over my chest and when she brings her face back up I put my hand on the back of her neck pulling her straight to me wanting to taste her lips once more
My hands travel under her shorts and I start rubbing against her soft skin, she's turning me on so hard right now but like her, I want to make this moment last. Everything she said is still ringing in my head. She thinks we're headed for an end, she probably thinks I'll walk out on her, that's not happening
It's never happening.
No matrer what happenes, I don't see any scenario that ends with me no longer loving or wanting her, She will have to be the one who leaves in order for that to happen and even then. I won't just sit and fold my arms watching her leave our marriage. My love for her is too selfish for me to let that happen. She's mine.
I remember that she has an injury so when I flip us over so I can hover over her I do it carefully and even then I ask "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine" She breathlessly answers
I pull of her t-shirt too, exposing her chest then I purse my lips on one nipple before I start sucking it while gently pinching the other one, she loves this and I love the way she responds to it so I suck harder making her moan louder
I slide off her shorts and panties and when I touch her I feel how she's already so wet for me. I my fingers against her sensitive spot while kissing her and she moans into my mouth. I thought I could keep it together for a little longer but fuck, not when she's spread for me like this
"I need you now" she manages to voice out both our thoughts and remove my remaining clothing
I go all the way deep inside her earning my ears the pleasure of having her scream out my name then I start moving exactly how she loves it. Slow, hard and deep
"You're mine, Thandiwe. You're mine, you hear me?" I slam hard into her
"Gundo" She moans
"You're mine baby"
"Ah! I am"
"Yes, you are"
"I am" she holds on to me and she body starts to shake, she's close so I pick up on my pace driving her to her release
She shuts her eyes and digs her fingers on to my skin and she cries out when it takes over her whole being. I don't slow down, if anything I go harder and harder, filling the entire bedroom with nothing but her sweet voice, because that's what I want to always remember, her sweet voice
I come undone inside her and it's one feeling I've missed, I didn't realise the extent of me missing it until this very point where I can't even begin to explain what I'm feeling
When I pull out I get us under the sheets and hold her against my chest "I know you don't want me making me promises and I hear you, I'll stop... But baby, I don't want you leaving life looking forward to the day we part"
She looks at me and smiles"I also don't want it to come as a surprise, I want to enjoy, savor and cherish every moment I share with you. I want to take it as it comes, I want to live in the moment. Will you do that with me? "
" There's nothing I wouldn't do with my mufunwa" I tell her and hold her until we fall asleep
