THANDI
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this"
"It's only for a few days"
"A few days that I could have spent cruising with my friends, instead I'm going to be spending time in that dysfunctional household"
"And I'm really grateful that you agreed to do this for me" I look at him making puppy eyes. No doubt Melo is annoyed by this whole thing. When I first asked him he completely shut me doen, telling me he won't be taking part in the Netshia Christmas circus. I had to grovel and beg to get him to finally agree, Although I'm relieved that I'll have him there, I also see just how irritated he is by the whole thing
"Atleast tell me Gwen will be there, she's the star of that family for sure"
"She's arriving later this evening with her mom and grandma, which is why we have to be at the house earlier"
"So you and Gundo are just going to pretend that everything is rosy? Meanwhile it's been a month since you separated"
"The day you get married and have inlaws is the day you'll be allowed to judge me, for now just play the happy brother and turn a blind eye to everything else"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" he says a lot calmer and I sigh
"No, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have yelled at you"
"You're under stress, I understand"
"I shouldn't be taking it out on you, and you're doing me a favor by being here. I appreciate it bro" I say and he smiles at me warmly
"You know I've got you" He says and I nod
Marvin drives us to the house and when we get there I get tense. I haven't been here on weeks and being here brings this uneasy feeling
He gets my bag while Melo takes his own and we go inside the house. It's quiet when we walk in. Almost like there's no one and there's just no festive feel in here. In my old house I'd always go all out, I'd decorate and make it feel homely and If Melo was around I'd bake and do all those things I know mom would do for us if she was still here, it's days like these when I find myself missing her more. This year it's worse because I wish she was here to walk me through all of this, I've had to navigate these troubles on my own and it gets exhausting
"You can go put your bag in your room" I tell Melo and I take my own bag from Marvin and walk further into the house
I walk up to my bedroom and when I enter he's not there. I take a look around. Nothing has changed. Everything is still the way it was when I left
I think of that night when I had finally had enough. Being here brings me sad memories. It forces me to feel things I've been pushing me aside and it reminds me of how much of a mess my life really is. All that fighting with Jerome... And it turned out to be for nothing
"Mufunwa" Gundo says when he walks in and finds me in the room, I wonder if he moved back in after I left... Or if he's been sleeping in her room, then I remember that I'm in no position to judge, I'm not exactly innocent in all this anymore
"Hey" I look away failing to look at him. I worry that if I look at him he will see right through me
"Thanks you, for coming" He walks closer and pulls me to his chest, hugging me tight
I don't push him away, I hold on to him to feeling the warmth of his body that's providing a little bit of comfort. It's in this moment that I realise that how ever this ends for us, I'll never truly stop loving Gundo. I may learn to leave without him again but the depths of love he has unlocked in me will forever be flowing. I'll always care about him... He still means so much to me
