GUNDO
Sleep doesn't find me the entire night and I find myself tossing and turning until I can't take it anymore then I ho to fix myself a drink
I was never prepared for what Emmé told me and that's the reason for my silence
I literally had no words.
When she got up and left I knew I should have gone after her but my legs were rendered useless at that point and I only had one thought in my mind
Thandiwe
It's crazy how my one wife tells me she's carrying my baby and my thoughts run off to my other wife, maybe it's because I know that things are only going to get worse from here onwards. Any chance or hope that I had of reconciling with Thandi might as well be flushed down the drain at this point and knowing this only tightens my chest with frustration
I watch the sun rise, still lost in my own thoughts and I'm startled a bit when someone taps my shoulder
"Gift" I say when my little brother moves his gaze from my face to the glass next to me
" You've been up all night?" he asks joining me on the patio outside
"Yes, when did you get back?"
Gift has been in Venda a lot, we've been looking for ways to clean our cash because a bank isn't enough anymore so we've decided to open a lodge in venda, it's a legit business but obviously it will work in our favour too so he's been overseeing everything that side
"Last night, I thought I'd come see if the house was still standing"
"How can it not when the one person capable of bringing it down has been in Venda all this time" I look at him and he chuckles
"Have you forgotten Gwen?" He asks
"Yea, you're right"
Gift leans back on thr couch and stares at me like he's studying me
"If you have something to ask just go ahead Gift, staring at me like I have two heads won't help you"
"What's going on with you?"he starts " I mean, you look miserable as fuck. I've never seen you like this Gundo ans you know I'm not the type to worry but right now you've got me worried Mukomana [brother] "
I don't even try to act like things are okay, instead I just sigh then I start talking" Where to start? My wife left and I haven't seen her in so long. I miss her but at the same time I don't want to force her back into this, I'm fucking conflicted because there's nothing more I want than to have her back here with me and at the same time I'm aware that her being here with me is what had been causing her pain. How do I live knowing I'm a cause of pain to the one woman that I love wholeheartedly? And to make things worse, Emmé dropped a bomb on me last night... She's pregnant "I stop and look at Gift
"Fuck, your life is screwed" He says, I know I can always count on him to say it as it is
"You're right about that. Everything is screwed and the worst part if it is that I can't fix it. Of all the things I've fought for and fixed in my life, for our family too and now I can't fix this? I can't fix my own marriage? What kind of twisted fuckery is this? Of all fucking things I've been through, not a single fucking deal in this organization, not money, not power but my marriage with Thandi is the one failure I actually have to endure in life? And I'm supposed to just give up and watch her slip away? " I feel myself get angry all over again
"Maybe you haven't entirely lost her, I mean you guys are only separated right, she can still come back" Gift tries to be optimistic
"You think she will want anything to do with me aftrt I tell her about the baby? It will be like the last nail in the bloody coffin" I rest my elbows on my thighs and rest my face on my palms. This is fucked up
