EMMÉ
"Ten weeks?"
"Ten weeks"
I sniff again trying to stay calm but it's proving to be very hard "Oh my God" I start crying again
She reaches for a box of tissues and gives it to me
"Do you need me to call anyone? Your husband maybe?" she glances at my wedding ring
"No, he doesn't know I'm here and I want to tell him when I'm calmer" I explain and she nods
"You can stay in here for a while, I'll get you a glass of water" she gets up from her chair and walks out of the room then she returns a moment later
"Thank you" I gulp the water down in one go "I'm sorry... I got a little emotional there"
"I understand, I see different reactions from different women a lot of times. Some laugh, some cry and some just go into shock"
"I just wasn't expecting this, I mean... I obviously had suspicions but now that you've confirmed it I just... I don't know, It's a little overwhelming" I feel my tears gather again but I blink them away
"Give it a bit of time and it will sink in, for now I'd advise you to start with your doctor's visits. It'll be best to start with your regular check ups soon"
"I will"
She continues explaining a couple of things to me, basic do's and don'ts but my mind isn't even there. There's only one thought ringing in my head right now
I'm pregnant.
I started suspecting a while ago when I realized I had unopened packs of pads still in my drawer. Then I started feeling a little unusual, a little more fatigued, feeling like I was gonna get sick especially in the mornings and worse, my emotions have been all over the place sometimes I don't even know what it is that I'm feeling
I figured buying a test would would be too risky because Gundo would find out and it would only stress me more because I'm not sure how he's going to react to this. The only thing giving me comfort now is that I now know whose baby it is. I was worried because of the Christmas eve night that I spent with Melo but if I'm already ten weeks pregnant then it means I was already pregnant at that time. So it is Gundo's baby
I make my way out of the doctor's office and find my guard waiting in the reception. I ask him to take me to the salon. I need to figure out what I'm going to tell Gundo because he knows I'm at the doctor's office. He just doesn't know the real reason I came here, I made up some story about feeling sick... Well it wasn't entirely a lie
On my way to the salon I think about what I just found out. This isn't how I imagined my life would go. I always knew I was due to marry someone but I never thought I'd actually be here, married to him and having his baby, the sad part of this all is that none of this makes me happy. I'm not jumping for joy right now, I could compare this feeling to actually being heartbroken because this only sinks me deeper into this reality I'm living
I'm sad because I know he doesn't love me, I'm sad because it appears my life is over, my dreams of traveling have been completely shattered and now I'm just a wife, a pregnant wife. What breaks my heart more is that I know my family will be more receptive to these news than I am, they will see it as a way to get Gundo closer to me but I don't want that. I had already made peace with the fact that it's not me he loves and now I'm afraid that he will start acting like it for the sake of the baby, that will hurt a lot more. This is just horrible
When I get to the salon I don't waste time going to the office and my aunt follows behind me shutting the door
"Emmé, what's wrong sweetheart?"she asks when she sees my swollen eyes
