THANDI
The talk I had with Gundo left me emotionally drained so I slept most of the night. As days passed, this heavy feeling on my chest slowly started to dissolve. Especially when he finally told me what he'd done with Musa
It turns out he kept him locked up and still tortured him for sleeping with me. He said it's something he couldn't just let go off because he had warned Musa before so it felt like Musa was out to prove a point
Whatever Gundo did to Musa must have spooked him because him because he quit at the hospital and cut off all ties with me. I don't blame him and I'm very greatful that he's still alive
I've decided that in order for me to start healing from all this I need to move out, again. I need to be by myself for a while. This time I'm not doing it because I'm upset and want to shut out everyone. I'm doing it because I want to focus on me. I want to put me first and make myself happy before anyone else can so I've been back at my house for almost two weeks now and I'm at peace with it
The security is still tightened but I know that in order to feel safe again. I need to confront Jerome and find a way to make him back off so I call him and arrange to meet with him at the hospital because I can't go to his house without alerting Gundo
"I hate being summoned" he says when he walks in my office
"Yet you're here. Sit down and I'll make this quick"
"Don't think that you can order me around Thandi, I only came here because you said it involves Emmé"
"I don't like that you're here any more than you do but hey, we're both adults so suck it up"
"What is it? What do you want?"
"I know you sent Dean to kill me" I don't beat around the bush
He remains unfazed, he has a good poker face but I'm going to break it today. I need to win my full freedom back
"I have no idea what you're on about"
"So that's how you want to play it? Okay then. I guess I'll just tell Gundo what I know" I lean back on my chair putting on my own poker face
"And say what exactly?" he laughs"You'd first have to explain your promiscuity "
" News update, he knows "I smile at Jerome and he shows his shock for a second
" I don't believe that "
" I don't care what you believe Jerome and it won't change the fact that he knows so you hold nothing over me, he's seen the video, he knows about the pictures. What he doesn't know yet is that you tried to kill me"
"You can't back your accusations, that's all they are"
"And that's all it'll take for him to turn his attention to you, you know Gundo. He never gives up and best believe, all it will take is my word, no proof needed"
"He will take the words of his whoring wife? I doubt it"
His words stab my chest but like I said, not today, he's not winning today "You can call me names until the sun sets, it doesn't change that Gundo will make you pay if he learns the truth. You see, ours is the real one not the one cooked up by you in your kitchen like some old match making lady"
"You sound so sure of yourself, you think you've got the upper hand"
"You saw the spectacle he created with Chase and you know very well he was sending a message... To you"
"You clearly don't know what I'm capable of. Having Dean strangle you was just the tip of what I can do to you so don't you think you can scare me off like that you little bitch"
And there it is, the confession I was looking for
"Your love for boasting and threatening will be the end of you Jerome"
"What are you on about now?" he asks and I replay our conversation on my phone. The look on his face is priceless and I must say, I didn't think it would be this easy to get him to confess but then again, Jerome loves being felt, he enjoys throwing his weight around and this time it worked in my favor
"I've already sent this to other devices and they are safely tucked away far from your reach. Now you listen here you old man, if you ever try that shitty stunt with me again you'll regret it because this will be sent straight to Gundo and you know he won't give a shit about you being Emmé's father. Now this is where it ends, I don't tell him anything and you stay the fuck away from me and my brother. One wrong move Jerome and I swear, I'll send your deal with him up in flames and we both know you've got a lot to lose now that you've gotten him connected with your people too" I make sure to look him straight on the eye and show him that I will not be intimidated by him
"Smart move... You've learned a thing or two since joining the organization. I'm proud of you"
"I don't need your stupid compliments, I just need you to leave me alone"
"And that I will do, but first, how do I know that recording won't ever make it to Gundo's ears"
"You won't ever be sure, just stay on your lane and I'll stay in mine. Start with me and I'll unleash a whole lot of trouble your way. You're Emmé's only parent, use your brain and do the sensible thing"
"Don't bring my daughter into this"
"You did that yourself. Weren't you the one that told me to always protect my weaknesses? You can't exactly look out for her from six feet under, Jerome. And we both know that's exactly where you'll end up if you come for me again"
"Fine, you win Thandiwe. I won't try to harm you" he speaks almost like it hurts using his voice
"Good, now get the fuck out of my office"
****
I booked myself a week away in Mpumalanga, it's a beautiful safari lodge in Hazyview and I believe a change of scenery will do me some good plus I believe that nature always heals so maybe I'll achieve something good deep within me from being surrounded by mountains and animals
After I told Gundo about my traveling plans so we could work around which bodyguard I'll be taking with me he offered to have me fly out in his jet. He didn't need to do that so it came as a welcomed gesture and would surely make traveling simple for me so I accepted
He's still on high alert where my safety is concerned so I'm taking two guards with me with Marvin being one of them. Gundo feels he can trust him to a certain extent
We leave on Sunday morning and I feel excited to be going on this trip. I've never been on a solo vacation before but I've heard of and seen pictures of people doing it. I always thought that it must be lonely, being there all alone with nobody. But now I realize, sometimes being alone is just what a person needs to just regroup and be on the right path again
I need to remind myself what life was like before Gundo. I didn't feel like anything was missing in my life, I wasn't miserable, I was happy and content. I wasn't even looking to be in a relationship because at that time, My job and Melo were all I needed and I feel like in order for me to be okay, I need to take myself back there again and pull back that Thandiwe, the trouble free one, the happier one
Love needs to be pure and easy going, it shouldn't a matter of me being scared to lose him or being scared of being alone. It should be a choice that I make sober mindedly knowing very well that with or without him. I'm still Thandiwe, I'm still the same person I was before he striked up a conversation in that coffee shop and that is what this trip is all about, finding myself again in the midst of everything that's happened
I thought I'd be worried about him forming ties with Emmé but I'm not. I believe he has grown to care for her, maybe it's love, maybe it's not. I don't know, I do care though but not to the extent that I'm willing to cut my healing process short for him. I have forever to make up my mind, there's no deadline here and looking back, I see that's where my mistake was. I wanted things to be fixed soon, I wanted a type of miracle that would urgently turn things around but this is the real world, it doesn't work like that and sometimes, there's just no happy ending but there is an ending where I find peace of mind amd that's where my mind is pointing towards right now.
