Mr Player//BTS FF

Chapter 46

You swallowed your saliva with difficulty under the fierce gaze of Jungkook, who had you trapped between his body and the wall.

"Like what could I be hiding from you. What got into you ?" You found the strength to reply,  forcing your lips to give him a small smile that didn't seem to improve things, as his gaze grew harsher and his hands gripped your arms tightly, taking your breath away from the sudden shake he gave you.

"I have amnesia but I'm not stupid. You're behaving strangely. You were acting weird since the hospital," He told you, revealing that he had thought and observed more than he had seemed to.

"Why do you move away from my touch? Why do you always call me only by my name? Do you not love me?"He added as his fierce gaze left a place for a sad and hurt expression. 

You looked into his pained eyes, not knowing exactly what to say or how to feel.

A man was looking you in the eyes, showing you how hurt he was just thinking that he didn't have your love and something like that was new to you. You had never been that important to anyone, not even to the one who had the title of your boyfriend, who clearly loved someone else.

But it is not my love that he wants, it is his wife's... I am not Seon

You reminded yourself, only to bring your heart some more bitterness at the thought that you would never be able to have someone to love you in such a way. 

"Answer me !!!" Jungkook's voice took you out of the stream of thoughts and one breath left your lips, before you pulled your body down, curling yourself on the floor.

Your body trembled a little as the sound of your sharp breaths echoed around, for he had frightened you with that scream of his which he regretted as he saw you and squatted down on your level, looking at you worried. 

He gently took hold of your head and raised it to face him, only to meet two eyes that were filled with tears and were looking at him in fear.

"Calm down, I won't hurt you. I will never ... really." He told you, now feeling regret as his mind started filling him with accusations against his own self and doubts over how he used to behave in the days he could not remember. 

"I know, I know, it's my fault. It's not your fault." You replied as you tried to wipe your eyes with your fingers, as quickly as possible, erasing the tears that had formed in your eyes.

Usually, you were not so sensitive but so many things had gathered in such a short time, from catching Jimin with Seon to the big dive in your memories to listening to the side of Seon and Jimin to Jungkook's quarrel with Jimin and the end of it to bring that vase on his head. 

Everything had happened in one day and you had been living in anxiety with Jungkook for one more and he just kept adding to it with his need for love, which you couldn't give. Everything had put you on edge emotionally so it made sense to be more sensitive than usual.

"What do you mean? Please explain to me. I know you may think I can't help you but I don't want you to go through any pain alone. You are my wife, I swore to be by your side for better or worse." His eyes looked at you with such compassion that for a moment they made you wish that this compassion would be truly intended for you.

"I can't explain it exactly. I have said it once but now you don't remember and it is not easy to say it again." You lied to him for you had never told him anything about your condition but he had left you no choice at that moment but to do so.  

"How could I forget something so important?!" Jungkook's gaze made it obvious that he was blaming himself momentarily and that made you feel bad for doing such a thing to him.

"It's not your fault. I just ... I just have an issue with physical contact .. Don't ask why though. I never want to remember it again." Your words left your lips without you having time to think them over but it was too late to take them back.

You had just let Jungkook know that not only did you have an issue with physical contact of any kind but you had told him that there was a reason for it and you were uncomfortable with recalling it. You had just confessed to him that you had not told your own boyfriend or your best friend, Seon, for so long.

Jungkook looked at you briefly as his mind proceeded to draw his own conclusions that made him want to hold you in his arms and keep you safe there, but he stopped himself, realizing that his wife was not used to it well not even in his own touch.

"Don't worry. We will get over it together." He encouraged you, as your eyes looked at him with a question painted on them.

"I have tried Jungkook, it isn't easy. It is not possible." You replied and he just smiled sweetly at you, wanting to reassure you.

"We will try together now. Promise me that you will not hide any moment you feel uncomfortable and you want to get away from my touch and I promise you to respect it and to be very careful." His hand appeared in your field of vision, stretching his little finger to make the promise and you couldn't help but laugh, in this childish act of his.

"Deal, "You wrapped your little finger around his own, finding this childish act laughable but also pure.

"So let's start with the first step." He stood up and you followed him with a repulsive look in your eyes.

"I have to make you familiar with my touch, so we'll take it slowly and start with small things." He explained to you, having noticed your confusion. 

"Little things? Like what?" You questioned him, clearly wondering what he was thinking and how he intended to make you not feel repellence at his touch.

Jungkook took a step closer to you, making you step back and stick your back to the wall as before. His eyes looked at yours, before traveling down to your lips and he brought his face, a little closer, his nose, almost touching yours.

You were left staring at him icy, until the sound of his voice echoed in your ears, bringing you in touch with reality.

"One centimeter a day, one centimeter closer to you every time, until you tell me you feel uncomfortable and I will stop. I promise, I will not do anything you don't want." He reassured you as his warm breath caressed your lips for a moment, before he put a distance between you again and gave you a small smile.

"Shall we go to bed now? oh, hold on... I forgot...you will sleep in the guest room again," Jungkook added leaving you still speechless at how he had known that for you had made sure you had gone to sleep in the guest room yesterday after he had fallen asleep and this morning you had returned to the bed while he was sleeping. 

Apparently, he has become more observant than he normally was.

And I don't know if this is a  good thing in the situation we are in.

--- To be continued .....