How to get him to fall in love | ✔

Chapter One

She told me I killed her that I let her die. And I believed her. It didn't help that I remembered nothing from that day, or that I had no recollection of a hatred that could burn so deep within me that it could have possibly driven me to kill my twin sister. The not knowing what had happened was by far the worst, as with anything the not knowing of something means you have no idea what you are supposed to be apologetic for and what you are not.

''What the hell is wrong with you?? You fucking psychopath-''

My mother had been drunk, she was hurt, wasn't thinking clearly – I assured myself trying to put at bay the intrusive thoughts. It had been twelve years since she had uttered those words to me, twelve years since my sister Kate had died, twelve years since my mother had tried to take her own life and twelve years since I had seen my mother last until now

''She wants to see you'' Tessa my adoptive mother had told me the week before

''Who?'' I'd asked her dubiously

''Your mom'' she had answered avoiding my gaze

''But I have a mom'' I retorted looking her in the eye

She sighed, giving up, but I saw the tug at the corner of her lip

I knew this couldn't be avoided, it seemed the things you specifically tried avoiding in life, were the very things that wanted to catch up to you twice as fast

''What does she want?'' I groaned, slumping onto the sofa

There was a moment of silence, as if mom needed a moment to structure her sentences before they left her mouth

''just hear her out; if you don't like what she says that's okay, you don't have to, you're entitled to it. I just don't want you to have regrets, or live with them. Regrets are permanent, your fears however are not''

And that is precisely how I found myself at my biological mom's home address, which pointed me to a little suburban home sat atop a field of grass that needed a serious trim, and window panes that needed dusting.

Stop looking for things to hate

I was told she was living at my grandparent's house

I lifted my hand to knock on the door, sullenly willing my breath to resort to a normal pace. A woman with short brown hair opened the door; faint set lines framed her mouth as well as streaked her forehead, even not in use the lines were evident, lines left by smiles and frowns.

''Hi'' I managed to get out

I didn't need to introduce myself, the woman recognized me. I did have her eyes and the exact same shade hair as hers after all

''Hello Amber, come on inside'' the woman said stepping aside for me to enter into the house. I followed her into the kitchen where she beckoned me to sit down at a little round table at the center of the kitchen

''Can I get you anything to drink, water, juice – '' she looked to me nervously ''oh dear, how old are you now? Nineteen? twenty?''

''Twenty two'' I answered curtly

''Look at that, last time I saw you I was still heating up your chicken nuggets, now I could very well be offering you alcohol''

''I don't drink'' I stated

''No, no of course not, how rude of me to presume, I just .....Let's start over'' she asked earnestly pulling the chair out across from me and setting herself down in it

What if I don't want to start over? What if I can't?

Instead I nod my head

''I know you've had a rough start –''