How to get him to fall in love | ✔

Chapter Twenty Three

It feels absolutely draining to be so engrossed with someone, and the fact that I need to still keep playing and acting nonchalant to not chase him away with my neediness is taking such a mental toll on me because I'm all over the place, all out of sorts. I am so absolutely infatuated with him that it is killing me, and I don't think anyone knows it but me

The next morning after the party I stood looking at my reflection in my vanity mirror for at least 30 minutes, examining my neck and chest and all the marks he left on me, tracing every purplish reddish mark with my finger, recounting the way his skin and teeth felt on my skin. I wasn't worried about covering up, as I was someone who didn't really wear revealing clothes, it wasn't like I'd need to get out a neck scarf and a jacket and everyone who knew me would look at me in question when they saw me because of the new drastic fashion switch.

So after showering and putting some moisturizer on my body I pulled my well-worn striped turtle neck over my head and paired it with high waisted jeans and converse

I think back to last night, and how delicious Elias tongue felt on my clit and on me, and as the day progresses I feel like I must be daydreaming in at least every class, which is actually quite unacceptable. I wish I dated more people or moreso I wish people wanted to date me back then so that I'd have more experience with guys and I wouldn't be having these insane reactions and feelings to a guy who just ate me out with plastic vampire teeth in his mouth.

I meet Elias once a week privately at Starbucks now, sometimes we go in and have coffee, but most of the times he likes us to go back to the car and have our coffee just because in the safety of his truck he can touch me, but I always opt for the shop, not that I don't want him to touch me, but because of how badly I want him to. we see each other frequently enough outside of Starbucks too, we haven't had sex yet, he doesn't bring it up like it's an issue, and I don't feel the need to bring it up either, we make out a lot in the library as well, the furthest we'd get is him putting his hands under my sweaters to fondle my breasts, which mind you is enough to have me wet, and sometimes in the Starbucks bathroom I put my hand down his pants. It all just feels so exhilarating doing these things in semi-public places

Who am I kidding definitely public places

I call Tessa after my last class for the day as I'm walking towards Starbucks, she answers relatively quick

''Hello sweetie'' She practically exclaims with joy

''Hi mom'' I greet back, my lips lifting up in smile at her voice

''We miss you a lot'' she says, I wrap my free arm around my body as I had underestimated how cold it would actually be today

''Me too, I'm thinking of driving down this weekend?'' I hint

''yes honey, we would love that'' she says, and I can hear her words come through her smile

I spot Elias there already, he is talking to a girl that I recognize from class, he doesn't see me yet

''Okay mom, I'll see you then'' I say

''Bye Honey, see you soon'' she says, and with that I hear the distinct beep of the call being ended

I slide my phone into my bag, and make my way over to Elias, as I get closer I hear the girl laughing, and then he puts his hand on her arm, and I know he was just touching her arm, but I don't go around touching other guys arms or even feel the need or want to touch other guys arms, but here he is touching her arm, which means he doesn't like me as much as I like him, if he feels compelled to do so

You're over exaggerating. I take a deep breath

But it isn't the first time, I've seen him touch someone of the opposite gender, and maybe it's just my insecurities that I should work on and stop projecting on him, but it's difficult for me to pretend I don't care, I decide at the last moment to go find a table and wait for him to be done, really leaning into that; I'm so cool, I don't care what you do with who you do it with