How to get him to fall in love | ✔

Chapter Seventeen

The rational thing to do after my mother's outburst is to tell Lila about it.

''Like no offense or anything, but clearly she's the one who needs therapy'' I say

''Do you think of therapy in a negative –''

''You know what I mean okay, can this not be a lecture today that turns into a session where I need to think and reflect on things and all that shit'' I retort

Lila doesn't say anything further, she knows me well enough to know not to

''I swear I thought it was going good with her, and then she goes and does this'' I gesture wildly with my arms

''what do you mean by this'' Lila asks, she's baiting me, she does this a lot, I have a feeling she knows but she always wants me to say it

''I mean I get it more than anyone, she's been through crap, but you can't pretend it didn't happen, because it hurts'' I state infuriated

Lila adopts a look of what looks like she's pondering what I have just said

''Well definitely-'' she remarks

''But trauma is an intricate thing, and people deal with it in different ways''

''Well her not dealing with it is a strange way to be dealing with it ''I muse stubbornly

''you'd be surprised''

I take a jolly rancher from the bowl on Lila's desk and un-wrap the sweet before putting it into my mouth

''The human brain is a miracle on its own, every time doctors and scientists think they figured out something, a new sickness presents itself, or a new effect makes itself evident, similar to trauma and how trauma is dealt with, the way your mother might deal is just one of the many ways''

''Well then she needs to deal in a better way'' I state

Lila laughs

''There's a patient of mine –'' Lila begins

''Ooh, disclosing top secret information Lila, who do I report you to, this is unacceptable'' I tease her

Lila does this a lot, she talks about people but doesn't actually talk about them, she says she only likes to bring other patients up to give a better understanding to someone else, or put things into perspective, but she's careful, very careful, I used to listen carefully thinking she might slip and say something if this patient has a nose ring or pink hair, I listened intensively in hopes that I might catch one of these patients in the living room

I gave up trying to piece together who was who, now ive simply settled on just teasing her for it

She humors me

''Anyway, the way this patient dealt with trauma is by disassociating herself''

She had my interest piqued

''what do you mean by that?'' I ask genuinely intrigued

''That she imagines herself, or imagined herself as another person –''

''cool, like that movie split?''

''No that guy has schizophrenia, mental disorders are normally due to chemical imbalances in the brain, trauma is significantly different''

''oh''

''Because of this girls severe trauma, she disassociated it from herself and made herself believe that it happened to be someone else''

''Wow that's crazy'' I say genuinely amazed that someone's trauma could do that ''and this patient does she believe it's real?''

''It's different for everyone, so I can't really give you definitive answer''

''Can I meet her?'' I ask

Lila gives me a look, that sums up her answer; of course not

''Our time is up Amber, don't be so hard on your mom, compassion isn't always for the next person, it also teaches you to have compassion on yourself''

''Sure, see you next week doc''

I leave Lila's office with pockets filled only with blue jolly ranchers, pleased with myself that I managed to retrieve every single blue jolly rancher out of Lila's huge jar of mixed candy

I close the door behind me on the way, and nearly head-butt someone when I turn away from the door

''Hey watch it –'' the stranger barks

Before I could say something back, the stranger seems to recognize me

''Amber?''

Great just what I need

Elias

''What are you doing here?'' he asks

''I could ask the same'' I say folding my arms across my chest, giving him the dirtiest look I could muster

I was still mad at him

''I see Lila, how about you?''

''That's on a need to know basis'' I say and walk off

I hear him laugh as if he can't believe I said that, I think he expects me to turn around because I hear him laugh until I slam the front screen door to Lila's office and then I hear the door open and him call after me again

''Amber'' Elias calls after me, I ignore him, and it feels good to

''Amber'' he calls louder

''Amber listen to me''

Hell no

''What?'' I spin around to face him

''Are you seriously mad?'' he asks, and the delivery of this line pisses me off as if I'm not allowed to be mad

''Can't you see I'm happy, I'm not mad'' I quip

He looks nervously behind him; I think someone must be calling him I take that as my queue to walk off

Someone grabs my arm

''Amber''

''let go please'' I say calmly

He lets go

''I have to go, but can I call you later'' he says

''please don't'' I say

''Amber what's going on''

''Nothing is wrong, you're the one who is insisting to talk to me''

He looks at me, mouth agape; I take that as my cue to leave

''I'm going to call you later''

''Do me a favor and lose my number Elias, go call Jasmine or something''

And with that I walk off feeling like I conquered something