How to get him to fall in love | ✔

Chapter Four

Growing up with Kate was like living in a shadow.

I was Kate's shadow, labeled and known to all; as Kate's twin sister, and when I wasn't just like Kate people were disappointed, as they'd say things like; ''oh you're nothing like Kate'' or ''you and Kate are complete opposites''

Eventually my personality became reliant on Kate, I didn't know how to act when she wasn't around, what to say, what not to say

When she passed I didn't know how to exist without her

Everyone loved Kate, she was the life of every party, and people thought she was kind, funny and confident. At home everyone loved her; no one saw a fault with Kate. No, no one never tried to make me feel bad for not being like Kate, they even tried to hide their disappointment as if they loved me for who I was, but the not-trying was what hurt the most; pretending to just accept me for who I was instead of trying to understand me and my differences

''She just is like that''

Everyone loved Kate except me, and that would forever be my darkest secret

I hated Kate. She was selfish, and self-absorbed, and when she wasn't the star of the show she hated it, she'd make up things about you, ruin your life, and spin the story so eloquently that you'd hate the person who beat her just because Kate did. It's like Kate's opinion and voice was the law, I had to like things just because she did.

I was born before Kate, exactly five and a half minutes. Kate mom struggled to push out, but when she came out it all made it so much worth it because Kate had a head full of hair, beautiful dark hair, whereas I had patches of uneven hair. She was the kind of person people didn't mind fighting for or struggling for because there was always a reward with Kate

If you were loyal to Kate, she'd make sure that you never got into trouble, you smashed principal Connells car mirror with your ball, no one would know, Kate made sure of that, made sure people believed in her lies

Kate made mom buy her a kid oven when we were 7, an oven which was far too expensive for a kid's toy. But mom bought it for her, and Kate made chocolate chip cookies and sold them at school, everyone loved them, she was a bestseller Kate earned enough money to pay mom back for the oven and buy us all ice cream sundaes every Saturday when we went to the beach

Do for Kate, and she'll do for you

Except me, I was always receiving the short end of the stick. I didn't need or expect a reward from her, because I loved her, it was easy to love her; she was my sister after all. I hated that I hated her, but she made it easy to, she was mean to me, blamed me for everything when she was mad at me for not sharing my lunch with her, she'd tattle tale on me, tell mom I broke principal Connells mirror even though Jaden threw the ball, and that she lied to our parents about it first because she needed to protect me so she covered for me

And mom would be upset because Kate lied, but she'd love Kate so much more because she covered for me, her sister

I remember once hearing my mom and dad in the kitchen a night before our birthday disagreeing about something

''we can't get it for her, how will Amber feel'' mom said in an attempted whisper

''it's on sale Jillian, it'll make sense to get it now, we can get Amber something again'' dad said

''no I don't want them to feel like we have favorite's''

''I'm sure Amber won't feel like that, she loves her sister''

''yes, but kids do get jealous of each other, and I don't want them to be nasty with one another'' mom argued

The absurdity of listening to the exchange was enough to make my heart ache; I wanted to cry, I probably did cry later that night. I ran back to my room, not caring if they heard me or not, and climbed into my twin bed in the room that I shared with Kate. Kate stirred awake and looked to me, her eyebrows raised in question at my fast shaky breaths I was taking and the look on my face

Dad came into the room; both Kate and I shut our eyes, making our breaths, sound more breathy – a trick I learnt from Kate, the trick we used if we really wanted to sell the lie of us being asleep

It worked, as always

The moment dad shut the door; Kate asked me what had happened

''I think they were talking about adult stuff, I ran in case they thought I was eavesdropping''

''were you?''

''no'' I lied

Kate nodded

A half-truth, not entirely a lie, I hadn't eavesdropped on their whole conversation, just one part

I don't remember what item exactly it was that Kate wanted mom and dad to get for her on our birthday, I do remember however that she got it; dad went out and went to buy it for her anyway, despite mom's protests. But because money was tight due to the party they were also throwing us; the birthday that marked us being two digits, I didn't get a present

Dad apologized to me, saying I could share with Kate, but we both knew that that wasn't going to happen, Kate didn't like sharing. She hated it even more because mom and dad forced us to share, they believed it would strengthen our bond and teach us to share and be more compassionate

It didn't, it made Kate hate me more, because it forced her to half all the things that she could have had all to herself if I wasn't there

Mom also promised me that my present would come next month when mom and dad got their next paycheck

It didn't come, mom forgot, and reminding someone they forgot your present is the worst thing to experience, it feels degrading, especially when you know they haven't bought it for you yet, and reminding them would only make you feel more crap than anything else, it also would make your parents think that you were unappreciative of everything they have ever given you

So I didn't ask

I never asked

I never got a chance again to ask

Within the next few months dad died, 2 months after that Kate drowned