How to get him to fall in love | ✔

Chapter Fourteen

After my discovery of Elias having been in a relationship, I vowed to put some distance between us, I made myself a promise I remind myself, and even if I could manage to get Elias to like me which already is a huge leap of faith, let's be honest the best thing it could lead to was me being his rebound

And I did not want that, so the following weeks I don't speak to Elias as much as I had in the recent past, I steer clear of the library at least the times I know he'd be there, and he doesn't look for me like I secretly had hoped he would, which just means that I mean nothing to him, like I had suspected.

My mother asks me about Marcus and I surprise myself by telling her everything that it ended, why it ended......well plus minus the fact that I first gave him the most enthusiastic and passionate head I was capable of due to my inexperience and then quite literally ran away from him and then ghosted him

I guess over the few months that I have been paying her regular visits, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I've grown fairly close with her, and going to visit her fit so seamlessly into my schedule it's like she hadn't missed out on all those years of my life, or that she didn't try to off herself when I was still a kid after she decided she couldn't do it but I was expected to just be able to do it

Okay maybe I do still hold a bit of resentment, but I swear I'm working on it

After my Elias Avoidance strategy was in play, I started seeing less of him on campus which just furthered my belief that it was all me, I was putting in all the effort because I liked him

God I'm such an idiot

But just because I didn't see him around, that didn't mean I didn't think of him, or look for him subconsciously. No I didn't go stalking, but I seemed to always look for him without even trying, like my eyes would search every room for him subconsciously

I still keep Jasmine around, I don't know why, maybe to study her, Elias did say after all he would have possibly dated her had the time been different

I know this is wrong, I swear I try and forget about him, I even once flirted with this guy who religiously sat behind me in every class we had together which is actually quite frequent because we have the same major, and he always says flirtatious things to me, which I ignore and pretend I haven't heard him, until one day I decide to turn around and flirt back, and the look on his face when I did was one of pure shock which quickly morphed into what I would call; ecstatic. So he continued to flirt in good nature and just like that he lost me as I was more bored than ever and it made me think no one would compare to Elias

Honestly what the actual fuck is wrong with me

Maybe no one will compare to him, which sounds dramatic because obviously I'm sure there's lots of people out there, even people way better than him, but I want him, and I want him to want me, and the fact that I know he won't want me makes me want him even more, and I know it's a recipe for disaster and I know I'd be asking for heartbreak by getting close to him, because he is emotionally unavailable and might I add doesn't want a relationship, and who says I could convince him to want a relationship, I know me I'd want to help, I'd become someone he offloads onto, he'd think of me as another friend, maybe even another Jasmine

Maybe I'd even mend his un-availableness and make him ready for the next girl and he'd just leave me behind

So for my own good I needed to stay away from him

I try to go through the motions without thinking of him, but sometimes I search his name in my phone and type out a message then delete it again.

This becomes a thing I do often; sometimes I'd spill my heart out then delete it and do it all over again. I've done this so much times that I've turned off my mobile data and Wi-Fi so that when I do find myself typing out these long ballads of love to him in his chat, first he wouldn't see the bubble moving if he did happen to be in my chat, and second if I potentially sent him a message by mistake out of negligence I could delete it with there being no possibility of him seeing it