How to get him to fall in love | ✔

Chapter Forty Two

I like having someone in my bed, I imagine not for the same reasons that other people enjoy having someone in their bed

Because I'm not a major fan of having to touch someone while you sleep, whether it be cuddling or, laying in someone's arm, or as people have described just laying with someone as a feeling of safety and security

None of that appeals to me, what I do like is what normally comes after it: waking up

I like Elias being there when I wake up, knowing that he slept there the whole night , that he's the last person I see when I close my eyes and the first when I open them

This actually sounds like I don't actually like sleeping with him in my bed, I do, I don't mind sleeping with someone in the same bed as me, I really don't, but I'm not someone that feels like they need to things that they would rather not do, just because there's some understood accord, than when you are a couple sleeping together you need to cuddle, - sure when we get into bed, I would snuggle into his arm, more so because I think he liked it more than I did

And I like making him happy

Elias always falls asleep before I do, and when he does and I have listened to his heartbeat for at least a good amount of minutes, when I'm sure that he's so deep in sleep that if I were to move he would not feel a single thing

And then I'd unwrap his arm from me and move to my respective side of the bed

My nightmares haven't subsided completely, the pills were working great for like three days, I think I might need something stronger for them. My first thought is to ask Lila, as she is the first person who prescribed me pills in the first place, but I'm afraid that if I ask Lila she'll just tell me to ask Dr Greene again, and as I've established asking him anything is usually attached to a long string of questions that I don't want to answer

It's not that the pills aren't helping me sleep anymore, it's that first I'd have such a good rest, that I'd want to keep on having these phenomenal rest, where I don't remember dreaming about anything or having nightmares either, just that I wake up feeling great. Now it's like the pills make me drowsy that I can't keep my eyes open. And when my eyes eventually do feel too heavy for me to keep them open anymore, the nightmares visit me

I have tried staying awake as an alternative, even laid off the pills to try and stay awake. But the problem is I don't have trouble falling asleep, so I try to stay awake really I do, but when I'm in a pitch back room and I'm staring at the ceiling, my brain becomes foggy and sleep just falls upon me like a soft blanket

Every night I fall asleep, clutching my body praying that even if it just for one night, I'm spared from the nightmares

...

I must be desperate to be asking Dr Greene for stronger pills

I am desperate, that's the only reason why I am here

''Is there a possibility that I can have something a little bit stronger?'' I blurt, not wasting another moment

''I suspected this'' he says, shaking his head slowly as if disappointed in himself

I hold back the urge to roll my eyes at him, I have to play nice so that he will give me the tablets

''This is a sign, that we should clearly be asking questions like why are you having nightmares?'' he reports

''I disagree, I read somewhere that people can just have bad nightmares, there's no deeper meaning to it, just something that needs to be fixed with pills'' I say, totally making up the whole thing where I said I read it somewhere