How to get him to fall in love | ✔

Chapter Ten

By the time the next term starts I feel like I'm a whole different person, which is crazy because it's only been a few weeks of break.

Everyone decides to meet up at our usual spot, Maggie and Zach get our drinks today, and I'm kind of dreading seeing Marcus again especially after everything that happened over the break.

Just as quickly as I had entered a relationship, I had ended one. I don't want to date for no reason; I don't think I'm that shallow, which was why I couldn't stand to go further with whatever Marcus and I had going on

I think back to me wanting to have a secret to keep from Fran to balance the scales, I guess my wish was granted, because she knew nothing about what had conspired between Marcus and i

After that night when I blew Marcus off which such enthusiasm if I might add, I think oral sex is like not mostly for the one performing the act it's for the one receiving, - yes some might argue and say that they enjoy giving head, but I don't think it's like that for me, personally I feel that when you care or love someone enough usually their arousal is enough to arouse you, where as in my case I wanted to give Marcus the best head because I knew it would be the first and last of that.

That night when he came, he looked so pleasantly spent he asked me to give him a moment, and I had said it's okay that we could do it when we woke up because I could see he was tired, by which he responded to by kissing my neck and pulling me against his body, but I didn't let anything happen and Marcus fell asleep like that, and when I felt his heavy breaths on my cheeks I slipped out from underneath his arms, then his bedroom, then his house. After that I returned home for the rest of the break, afraid that if I went back to my apartment he might try to look for me there, and because I know he doesn't know where my parents stay I took the chance and stayed home obliterating all my initial plans.

Another thing I learnt from my short relationship with Marcus is that; being with someone you are not really allowed to be selfish. And if you had plans you can forget about it, because relationships and self-made plans don't go together

I had switched off my phone for the next few days, intending to leave it off for a week, but felt bad about the whole ignoring him thing, so I turned on my phone and was greeted by many phone calls, text messages, Instagram dm's and snaps, all of them equally as frantic

Amber where did you disappear to?!

Amber where are you?

Pick up!

Are you ignoring me?

Are you okay?

I swallowed slowly, feeling like absolute crap. And now I was afraid I wouldn't even be able to give him a proper response because I was a coward. I typed some lame response back

Sorry was busy

Nothing more, nothing less, Marcus responded immediately as if he had been waiting at the phone just for my response. Then he asked me if we could meet and I replied with some sorry excuse for why I couldn't meet up. Marcus tried a few more times again, by which I blew him off each and every time until he eventually got the hint

It surprises me how unbothered I am by all of it, but that just means that I don't care right? So I did both of us a favor

I think he did really like me, and I pray that he finds someone who can love him. But I can't

What I do like is that because I didn't really tell anyone about the whole Marcus thing, no one knows about this supposed relationship I had with Marcus.

....

Mostly everyone is seated by the time I get to campus grounds, Zach brought a friend who I recognize from one of my classes but I don't recall which one. I think her name is Jasmine, but I can't be sure. Elias has a friend with him as well, one I don't recognize at all. It's not strange for us to bring friends to hang out with the rest of us; it's just that it doesn't usually last.

I sit down next to Maggie which is the closest I can get to Fran without asking anyone else to move. Fran is already animatedly talking about their trip to Tahiti, and Justin has his arm draped over her shoulders casually whilst leaning against a tree

I notice that Marcus isn't there; I hope it's not because of me. I don't point it out like maybe I would have done in the past as I'm not close with Marcus's friends and I'm also not sure if he has told them about us, I look nervously to Justin, Dylan and Elias. Justin doesn't even notice me as he is so engrossed by Fran, Dylan is on his laptop, and Elias is talking to his friend who he hasn't introduced to the group yet.

''Where's Marcus?'' Zach asks, voicing my thoughts

I don't look up; afraid of my expression might be betraying me somehow.

This is what guilt does to a person

''Honestly, no clue, he didn't say anything about not coming'' Dylan says looking up from his laptop

''I'll text him'' Elias offers, the beginning of a frown starting to sink in on his forehead

My eyes follow the conversation between the guys, darting quickly from one to another, not daring to let my eyes look to long in case someone catches me.

It's a strange thing; guilt

It feels similar to shame, it is sort of the same to shame in the sense that both of them have the same aspect in common where you are feeling it or experiencing it you think people can see it off you

How do criminals do it?