How to get him to fall in love | ✔

Chapter Forty Nine

I'm sorry for what I said about Kate, I'm sorry I didn't know that was an unkind thing to say. Reads the message from Annika, I ignore it and put my phone away, and adjust my eyes to my laptop screen again

Clearly seeing someone from my past was a mistake.

I scroll to where I was reading on the PDF, I'm doing some research and prep for my final thesis paper, currently I'm outside in the park with Fran

'' I want to ask you something, but don't get angry'' Fran says

I won't get angry, I always listen to reason

''Why would I get angry?'' I ask, genuinely confused

''Because you do that when you don't like hearing things you need to''

''Okay that' is absurd'' I say, slightly annoyed

''See you are doing it right now'' Fran says gesturing with her hand to me

I hate to admit it, but i am. I have the urge to cross my arms over my chest right now but then she'd know I'm actually angry and I told her I wouldn't get angry

''No I'm not, it's just a question, please... go ahead, say whatever you want, I promise to not get angry''

''promise?'' she asks making sure, not quite believing me

''I promise'' I confirm

How bad can it be

She takes a deep breath. Don't be so dramatic Fran

''Why didn't you want Elias to see you that day?'' she enquires

I should have known she wouldn't let that go

I promised not to get angry

''Because I didn't want him to see me like that''

''why?'' she presses on

I'm doing great so far

''Because he wouldn't like what he saw, if he did'' I answer truthfully. Fran doesn't say anything she just gives me a look like she thinks that is the single handedly strangest response she has ever heard. ''I'm a mess'' I add ''people don't like messes''

''I like you'' she says defensively. I give her a look, she smiles, clearly pleased with herself

''So....what? you're afraid he'll leave you, because you are a mess?...... News flash everyone's a fucking mess'' she states

I don't answer, I don't have anything to say. And it's precisely the absence of me saying anything that confirms Fran's suspicion.

I am scared he will leave when he finds out what big of a mess I am, anyone would

I shrug, and Fran groans

''Oh god, Amber I know you are not that shallow to worry about a boy leaving you because of something you couldn't even control... you know what, actually he should be the one embarrassed that he wasn't there,'' she snaps

I know how this conversation is going to go

''I'm not fucking shallow, and no I'm not worried about that-'' I say defensively, but every word leaving my mouth, sounds like lies to my own ears

But not to Fran's

''Good Amber, no one is worth being with if they can't accept all of you'' she articulates

That's easy for her to say; She's not me. She's not fucked up like me

I can't even accept all of me, how can I expect someone else to?. I have to pretend majority of the time that certain parts of me don't exist, just because I don't have the luxury of actually being me