MaAn- The Night that followed !!

25. INSECURITIES - I ⚠️

DISCLAIMER-ING AGAIN:- Those who are not okay with negatively impacting sensitive and explicit content... They are advised to not proceed with any of the 'INSECURITIES series' chapters which I'll be adding in between whenever I feel it's needed in the plot.

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Anupamaa never knew a lot about it but had definitely for like forever wanted to experience this even if it's just for once. She looked at Anuj. He was looking at her through the corner of his eyes and drifted his gaze immediately upon being caught. She wondered if this man is for real!! She freed his hand. The destination was still quite a few kilometres from there. She put her hand on the window and felt the cool after-rain breeze on her face. She was still wanton of his touch and caress. She pressed her thighs together tighter to keep herself in control. She couldn't believe but wonder how a month ago she couldn't have even thought of feeling wet at someone's touch in a way better than she ever felt with all the past touches coalesced together.

She kept on thinking how he touched her 'there' and how it MEANT A LOT to her. He indicated his sexual interest in her. He pointed it out to her how much he would want to do it to her and watch her moan out her pleasure loud. He made it very clear how comfortable he is in touching her wet and getting her wet.

But should she expect more?? Would he, if asked, give her what she always craved for. She couldn't be more assured. From all her past experiences, all she knows was that she couldn't ever know how a man could react on bed in a moment, coz this is what she was told for years that this is how it sometimes happens and how men lose control over themselves. With nothing in her quiver to compare it with, she went on buying what she was told.

--Her inner battle--

-Ufff... (Her words trembled as she thinks and let out a low sigh) Anoooojjj... Aap kitne acche hein... Aap insaan acche hein vo ni kah ri mtlb aap hein acche insaan par... Par... aap pyaar karne me itne acche hein ye kah ri hoon. Aapse kabhi bol ni paaungi par... Aap... Aapn... Aapne chhua ne to Bhot bhot bhot alag sa laga, accha laga... Itna accha jitna pehle kabbbii bhi ni laga... (She keeps her hand on her upper thighs and clucthed the saree. Looking out of the window, she closed her eyes shut as she couldn't even think of facing the dark empty roads flit by as she thinks of her desires.) Meine kabhi socha bhi ni tha ki duniya me koi bhi kabhi bhi mujhe aese dekhega jese aap dekhte hein... Par phir aap... Aap to aap hein. Aap jaante nahi h Anoooj aap mujhe kya sukh de re hein kya pheeling de re kyunki aapke liye sayad ye sab bhot normal hei... romance ka pyaar ka hissa hein... Par jo aurat itne saalon se iss pyaar k liye tarsi hein ne... Uske liye ye नोर्मल ni balki bhot badi baat hei... Bhot jaada badi baat. (She could again imagine him embedding his head in between her thighs. And those visuals flitting past her eyes with the scenery alongside the car, troubled her. It was mentally stressing her.) Par meine aisa kiya to ya inko karne bola to... Tosu ke papa... (She regrets her slip of words. Coz the time she remembered was when he was her husband.) Mishter Shah ki tarah agar Anuj bhi gussa gye to... Mere Anuj uss aadmi jese ni h pr... Par... Par mard to hein hi... Aur pata ni... Anuj ko bhi kharaab laga, vo naraaj ho gaye ya gussa ho gaye to... Vo jaroor bolte hein ki mein kuch bhi karoon unhe accha hi lagega par agar... Agar mein unhe bolun kuch karne ko jo mujhee achha lagega to?? Vo karenge kya?? Mann se karenge ya phir mere mann keliye sirf karenge... Kabhi gussa ke mujhe daant diya to... Zindagi bhar unse kabhi nazrein bhi ni mila paaungi kabhi ni kabbi bhi ni... Unhe accha ni lagega to...

*Don't know if I am good at writing these self- talking monologues but still doing it 🙂*

While her mind battled with the thoughts of how his reaction would be if she demanded getting his lips on her down there, a scene from her memory lane jogged by.