MaAn- The Night that followed !!

32. A Helping Hand

The door was open.
THE DOOR WAS OPEN.

He took a step forward. His heart racing fast. Behind the door that's not latched, stands Anupamaa all ready to be seen, getting touched by those showering drops, all ready to be touched by him too maybe.

'Anupamaa ne darwaaza jaan ke khula rakha hai kya? What is she doing inside... Is she done bathing and that's why left the door open? Does she want me to enter and have a look at her? Is this her signal? God ... Why are these women so difficult to predict I swear yaaar... If she is still bathing... It means she has no clothes on?? It's such a big turn-on to even think of it... She might be washing her hands and feet filthy of the oceanic dirt... But she must be looking so sexy doing it... Scrubbing herself with her hands... smearing body-wash on her body... I guess she uses lavender one 'cause today when she came to wake me up she smelled of it. Her whiff is intoxicating. I want to see her like this... I want to peep in... Just a look thoda sa... Dekhun kya?? She is all mine and she herself had given me that bodily right over her... I guess I can peep in a bit or just enter and say sorryy I didn't know you were bathing... Or just go in and blatantly spurt it out that I wanted to look at you like this and accept that I do have my urges and you have to satisfy it right now right here... I could order her she won't refuse... Or should I go in calmly and just stand behind her and adore her till she notices me there... Or what else... She is my girlfriend... My would-be-wife who melts at my touch, who shivers in my grip, who feels weak in her knees when I kiss her neck, she reciprocated when I touched her down there and it was clearly visible in her eyes that she wanted me to touch her from beneath the saree... And wouldn't what I would see NOW be exactly what I would have seen had I pulled her saaree upto her waist in the cab... I am a human too... I have my urges and what wrong would I do if I look at her like this or barge in??'

His mind was caught in a dilemma. Should he or should he not go in was all his mind was swinging between like a pendulum. He closed his eyes to reach to some conclusion. He got some visuals and in those visions he couldn't see a disrobed Anupamaa... All he could see was an Anupamaa sitting by him all cuddled up in his arms with tears flushing her face as she opened up her past in front of him and not her clothes, he saw an Anupamaa who clasped his hand while crossing a busy road, he saw that version of her who knew he checked her purse but didn't ask him about it, he saw ANUPAMAA who let him romance with her in a cab on an open road, office cabin with a lot of staff and beachside... Why?

'She trusts me... SHE TRUSTS ME... She trusts me with her past, she trusts me with her life, she trusts me with her privacy and her space, dignity and her self- respect and on so many levels she trusts me that I wouldn't fail her in even one of that.  She knew I checked her purse but she didn't question my intentions kyunki vo jaanti thi I wasn't invading her privacy... She knew I didn't invade her privacy... She knew... I knoww how much I want to go in the bathroom and check her out from top to toe without any intervening clothing right noww and I could... but she trusts me that I wouldn't just go in and catch her unaware and leave her appalled, scared and ashamed... Mere liye apne mann se jaada Anu jaroori h... sabse jaada sabse pehle... And to top it all I genuinely don't know if she'll like my sudden presence there... I guess no... Use pata hai ki pehli baar jab main use aise dekhoonga to dhokhe se ya chhup ke nahi balki poore haq se dekhoonga apni aankhon ke saamne apne bistar par na ki side se bathroom me jhaank kar... I am no creep... She will not be expecting it at all that I'll go unannounced and see her like that and that too why ? Because I couldn't hold myself flat in my pants. NO. I love her but respect her even more. First time is meant to be special... I can't ruin it for either of us. Main chaahta hoon ki jab use aise dekhoon to vo sharmaaye... na ki embarrass feel karey.. Nooo... I can't... I want to... But I can't... Haan lekin jab biwi bana loonga na... Tab chala jaaunga bina pooche but aise ni... Aaj nahi.'