just for me ⚘ a Fred Weasley Fanfiction

16. hell is a feeling, not a place

Juniper did not rest that night. Once she returned to her room after dinner, her letter to Esme was no where to be found. She wasted no time throwing the mattress off the bed, pulling out drawers, ripping out every piece of clothing from the wardrobe, even flicking through every single page of every single book in the bookshelf. Her panicked state made time go faster, the sun had set and risen again, the birds had began chirping, and Juniper's letters were still gone. As she put the room back together, she hoped and prayed that the letters had simply vanished. If someone had found and shown the Malfoy's the letters, at least they wouldn't punish her for the state of the room they lent her. By the time her breakfast was dropped off at her door, she had resorted to sitting on the very foot of the bed, biting her nails until they bled. And she continued to gnaw at them as she got onto the Hogwarts Express, following Draco to their usual compartment without even realising.

"You excited for the year?" Draco said in a low tone. It took her by surprise. The past few weeks had been full of silence and brief interactions, he hadn't spoken to her unless absolutely neccessary.

"I guess." She said, hiding her nails under the table. "It'll probably be the same as any other, so." She shrugged.

"Didn't my father tell you?" Draco raised his eyebrows, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy all filed into the compartment, stumbling a little as the train moved. "There's that tournament this year. With Durmstrang and Beauxbatons."

"What are those?" Pansy wasted no time with intruding on the conversation.

"My father was actually considering sending me to Durmstrang." Draco ignored Pansy's question. Seeing the blank looks on everyone else's faces, he began explaining how Durmstrang was a Wizarding school that prioritised learning dark magic, rather than defense. He described it as "Basically the opposite version Hogwarts." And while they were all distracted with Draco, Juniper went back to panicking over her lost letters, her leg bouncing and her nail beds raw.

"Anything from-?" The trolley lady opened the door slightly, only to be cut off by Pansy slamming the door shut again.

"Hey!" Juniper threw her hands up, annoyed. "I wanted something."

"Well go on then." Pansy screwed her nose up. "It's not like you'll be missed." Juniper shot Draco a look, asking for his help. Instead, he only gave her a look that told her to leave it, and went back to talking. With a deep sigh, Juniper stood up and left, shutting the door angrily behind her.

"Having fun already?" Fred Weasley crept up beside her, his voice lingering in her ear for a second. She moved away quickly, knowing that Draco would be watching through the window, but still hoping that his eyes and all his attention was on Pansy. She kept moving, following the trolley all the way to the end. Before the lady moved onto the next carriage, she bought a never-ending lollipop, hoping it would save her fingernails. Now that she was alone, she leant against the wall and sank to the flood, letting out a deep sigh.

Fred stood next to her, in awe of perfectly horrible she looked. Her pale grey eyes stared right through him, shocked at first by his presence, but then tired. Like she was ready to give up before she even started. Now that she could actually see him without his Irish Quidditch team fan-gear, she noticed how his hair had grown over the summer. He watched her look him up and down, trying to keep his eyes on hers, but even with her dark purple and sunken under eyes, and her hair lazily draped into a clip, he couldn't help his nerves.

"What?" She huffed finally, putting her lollipop into her mouth. She felt the warmth and safety of his deep brown eyes wash over her, both welcoming and comforting her. His seemingly permanent smile faded for a second, before returning as a wide grin.

"You look like shit." He crouched down in front of her, his forearms resting on his knees.

"Thanks." She said with a small smile.