just for me ⚘ a Fred Weasley Fanfiction

108. loose ends

"I'm not apologising for trying to kill your dad." Juniper growled as Draco Malfoy sat beside her at one of the long house tables. Everyone was talking, trying to recover and process the long, damaging fight they had just fought. Emotions were high, ranging from tears, laughter, yelling and tired stares. Juniper was staring at her hands, her arms stretched out on the table.

"I didn't think you would." Draco mumbled back, allowing himself to smile slightly. "I'm surprised you let him go."

"Trust me, if it wasn't for Fred, I would have." Juniper scoffed, watching Fred help move the dead bodies to a different space in the castle, one they'd visit when it was time for funerals. He did it all with a kind smile, trying to crack jokes and lighten the mood, as though everyone wasn't just in a life-threatening battle.

"I know."

"Where's Matilda?" Juniper mumbled, her eyes moved back to her fingernails, picking at the skin around them.

"Theo and I moved her." Draco answered, his voice low. "Blaise is... he's a wreck."

"No shit, his girlfriend just got murdered." Juniper rolled her eyes, finally looking to Draco. He still looked terrified, eyes shifting around like he knew he didn't belong with the survivors. "Do you think... if I had killed your father, Matilda would still be alive?"

"No." He said quickly, his mouth forming a thin line.

"I do." She let out a breath that was constricting her chest, grief still catching up to her. "I would've seen the other one, I would've had time to react, or disarm him. Or even kill him, too."

"I don't think that at all."

"Well, I do." Juniper hesitated before continuing on, wiping at her face. "I mean- I don't blame Fred for stopping me, I think. But-."

"Oh, fuck off." Draco interrupted, his voice coming out as a bite, but with a hint of desperation behind it. "Can you stop being so self destructive, Juniper? Why don't you just be happy that you didn't get killed? Or that your boyfriend saved you? Or that you came out of this at all."

It felt like another one of his slaps, her jaw tightening as she thought of a violent and hateful response. But nothing came out, and instead she just stared at him, everything inside of her head was too heavy to carry or express.

"You're looking for someone to blame, and Weasley isn't it." Draco said, his voice a fraction softer after seeing her expression. "It's horrible, all of it. But blaming yourself or Fred, or anyone else isn't going to bring her back or help you in any way. You know that, right?"

"I do, but-." Juniper started, her fists balled at her sides, wanting to argue.

"There's no 'but', Jones." Draco groaned in frustration. "Do you know how annoying and ungrateful you sound? You're alive. And instead of being thankful for Weasley saving your life, you're sabotaging probably the best thing to have ever happened to you."

"I'm just trying to process it, can't I at least do that?"

"You're not the only person that lost someone in the fight. This self pity isn't helping you, it's not helping anyone." He continued on, watching Fred start to approach them, wiping sweat from his forehead as he waved to friends he passed. "You've already lost Matilda, you don't want to lose him too."

"It's just... easier to blame it on someone." Juniper admitted quietly. Matilda's death was complete accident, somewhat of a coincidence. The pieces had fallen into place, and Matilda was the one to bear the brunt of it.
When Draco didn't respond, Juniper followed his eye line across the room. Fred had stopped alongside George to sling his arm across Lee Jordan's shoulders, their combined laughter bouncing off the walls. Even now, in the broken aftermath of the war, Fred continued to radiate warmth, a living reminder that there were still good things to hold on to.
Her heart tightened at the sight of him, battered and bruised and bloody, yet still grinning his lopsided grin. The weight of the grief in her chest easing, just a little. There's no way she could ever be angry at him, no matter how hard she tried or wanted to. He wasn't just someone to blame, he never could be. He was the reason she fought, the reason she was still standing. He was the one that made the pain worth surviving.
He was her person.