Fifty shades of Phan

Chapter 9

What the fudge am I doing!? I'M KISSING PHIL!
I quickly pull my head back and Phil's eyes flutter back open,
"Sorry..." I blush, looking down at my knees,
"It's fine..." Phil nervously giggles, and the room fills with tension.

My eyes occasionally dart over as subtly as I possibly can to the young man perched next to me, who's focus has returned to The Lion King,
"I can see you looking at me Dan" Phil giggles, and I'm slightly relieved he's not blanking me or giving me the silent treatment for what I just did.

"Sorry, it's just-" I start, before hesitating,
"Just?" Phil questions, now shifting his body round so he's looking straight into my eyes,
I can't admit it to Phil, he'll reject me for sure, after all he's probably straight.... How can I admit to Phil Lester that I have an inevitable crush on him?
"Dan?" Phil speaks, resting the palm of his hand on my knee, which makes me blush,
"I was just thinking, there's so much I want to know about you" I lie, and Phil leans back into the sofa, still maintaining the eye contact we had.

"I've told you everything there is to know about me Dan, There's nothing interesting about me that you don't already know" Phil sighs, before standing up, "I'm going to go use the bathroom, I'll be back in a minute"

Once Phil had left the room, I flopped over so I'm laying on the couch, letting out an over exaggerated moan as I did so,
Bloody idiot Dan! How could you be such a fuck up!?
I eye up the muffin I set aside for Phil that the Girl Scout gave me this morning, and I put it on the little coffee table in front of the sofa,
I then proceed to getting a bit of paper and a pen,
To Phil,
I'm so sorry for kissing you, I know you hate me for it, and the thing is... I have a crush on you that's been developing since you walked into my office, you also in that amount of time became my best friend, which hurts me because I know both my feelings aren't the way you feel.

The reason I am writing all this down instead of admitting this to your face is because I don't want to be there to see your reaction when I tell you this, which is why this letter is the last thing you will hear from me.

Have a great life Phil, you deserve it.

I love you and I'm sorry for what I'm about to do...

-Daniel James Howell.
Xxxx

I fold up the paper and label it 'my little lion xx', I place it next to the cake and travel up the stairs to the top floor, I open the window and look down at the floor,
that should be high enough... But just to be sure...

With all the remaining strength I have in me I pull myself up onto the roof, my legs temporarily dangling in mid air.
I hoist myself up by swinging my leg around, up onto the roof, and rolling over so I'm completely on the roof.

"I'm sorry world" I cry, looking down at the drop, it goes straight into my garden, so I slowly shuffle around the edge of the flat roof to were the road was,
By this point there was already a small crowd gathered around my house, shouting at me not to jump, but I blocked them all out, this was it, the moment my life ends.

I close my eyes and brace myself for death, the wind starts to blow through my hair and I feel my body wobble, soon I'll just naturally fall.
"DAN!" I hear Phil yell, and I slam my eyes open,
"DAN DON'T YOU DARE JUMP!" Phil's voice screams, and I can almost hear the tears in his voice,
"It's to late Phil" I sigh,
"NO IT'S FUCKING NOT! I'M COMING UP, DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID DAN" Phil cries,
"Kissing you was stupid, being born was stupid, trying to have a life was stupid! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING NOT STUPID PHIL" I scream.

Phil's face suddenly appears behind me,
"Dan I... can't pull myself ... help" Phil squeaks, his eyes screwed shut and his weak arms shaking in fright,
"Phil!" I screech desperately, rushing to the mans aid. I grab Phil's hand and pull him up onto the roof,
"Thank you" Phil shudders,
"Phil, I don't want you to see this" I sigh, returning to my place at the side of the house, only to be yanked back by Phil,
"DAN YOU JUST SAVED MY LIFE NOW LET ME SAVE YOURS!" Phil scolds, and I shake my head,
"It's not worth it"
"Yes it is!"
"No it's not"
"DAN I LOVE YOU DON'T JUMP" Phil begged,
"no you fucking don't Phil, and that's the problem!" I spin round, so I'm looking into the boys eyes,
"I do though..." Phil cries,
"No Phil, you love me 'as a friend', the second I'm dead, you'll climb off this roof, go home and have sex with your girlfriend or something, HOW DUMB DO I-" Phil breaks my rant by smashing his lips into mine, this kiss unlike the last one is a lot more passionate, a lot more 'meaningful'.

Slowly we break apart, and Phil rests his forehead on my own,
"I saw your letter Dan, I have a huge crush on you too, and it's killing me seeing you trying to end it all" Phil sniffs, and I kiss him gently on the lips again,
"I'm sorry" I whisper.

Phil and I return into the house, and I smile to myself,
"Hey Phil, do you uh, want to stay the night?" I offer and Phil grins,
"I'd love to"
I start to laugh, and Phil looks at me strangely,
"What?" He grins,

"Becky and Jessica were right, Phan IS real"