Fifty shades of Phan

Chapter 36

(Video made by lindsayinternets, thank you so much! It's amazing!)

I storm around the room, demanding to see everyone's phones, but so few people are sober, finding out who did it is close to impossible.
"LISTEN UP!" I scream, but the music is too loud, as wannabe Snoop Dogg continuously cranks up the music, even though he should be team Kanye 2k15.

"Right, that's it" I mutter to myself, barging through the crowds and stepping up onto the stage, where the thug DJ bounds over to me,
"Yo dawg you can't just hop up onta my stage init, this ain't a karaoke dude!" The DJ scolds me, and I glare at him,
"Shut it mate, I need your microphone" I growl at the DJ, and he takes a step back,
"The fuck yoo saying Downton Abbey?" The DJ sneers, and I roll my eyes,
"I'm the living embodiment of Winnie the Pooh I get it, but just because I'm articulate there's no need to compare me to a 20th century drama show now is there you silly goose" I laugh, snatching the microphone out of his grasp, and shoving him off the stage.

"HELLO ISLINGTON TOWN HALL!" I shout into the microphone, turning the music down as I shout, and slowly everyone's attention turns to me,
"dude give me back my mike bruh!" The Dj yells, climbing back onto the stage, and I climb onto the top of the speaker system, using my feet to keep the DJ away from me.
"Sorry about this..." I laugh, as I kick at the DJ's hands swatting around trying to drag me down,
"basically, I need to know which of you little fuckers filmed Phil and I and sent it to OK! Magazine?" I plead, but no one answers me, but there is a slight murmur from the crowd as they question each other.  
"Dan" I hear Phil grumble, and I look over to where I last saw the boy, and I see Phil shake his head,
"It's too late" Phil mouths to me and I shake my head, It's never to late to find out who upset my Phil.

"I SAID, Who filmed us!? This shouldn't have to be like the Jeremy Kyle show! Am I going to have to bring the lie detector out in a minute??" I roar, and a few people in the crowd chuckle at my sarcasm, even the DJ has stopped fondling my leg, and stopped to watch me as if I'm Colin Firth from The Kings Speech.
"Look, I'm not going to be annoyed with whoever did it, I just want a simple answer, you have interfered with Phil and I's privacy, and-"
"OH EM GEEEEE" I hear Becky or Jessica scream, and the whole room turns round to face which ever of them it was,
"PHAN IS REAL!"  The girl cheers, holding up her phone displaying the video on her screen, and the other girl who could be either Becky or Jessica starts fangirling next to her,
"PHIL! You should have told us!" She scolds Phil, who glares at her,
"Not the time Becky" he growls, which answers my internal ponders of which girl was which. 

I allow the girls to have their silent fangirl attack at the back of the room, I guess that rules them out then,
"As for the rest of you, I know that you are most certainly drunk, but can you at least try and hiccup REALLY LOUD if it was you, just so I know for future reference" I explain, wielding my hands around as I talk, 
"Dan Howelll" A girl's voice slurs at the back of the room, and I look to see who it was and if they were owning up,
"Yes?" I say, scanning the room of murked young adults, until I see a girl at the back waving her hand,
"Was it you?" I ask her and she shakes her head,
"NooOOOooOooOooO" She giggles, "But I wan't to knOw if you're siNGle?" she asks, and I shake my head,
"Sorry I'm not, I'm dating the most handsome young man that the earth has ever created" I smirk at Phil, who I see blush. By this time Becky and Jessica were practically crying at the back of the hall, in fact, yes?... yes! they are defiantly crying.

"My feels!!" Becky sobs, hyperventilating with each word she takes,
"I will go down with this ship!" Jessica blubbers, her make up run down her face so she looks like a panda that's melted in the sun.
"Becky, Jessica, can you just shut up for one second please?" I beg, and quietly the girls nod, still whimpering with feels,
"Phil and I would like our privacy to be respected, and that video could ruin both our careers, and put our safety at risk! Not all of society accepts people that's sexualities differ, and we planned to come out in our own time, but as we aren't official yet, we were going  to wait, but now this could ruin a lot of things! We're sick of hearing people say, 'That band is so gay,' or 'Those guys are fags.' Gay is not a synonym for shitty. If you wanna say something's shitty, say it's shitty. Stop being such homophobic assholes society and get a life! Yes, I did just quote Pete Wentz to you then, but it's to get the point across to everyone in this room! Sexuality shouldn't be a label, it should be something you're proud of! Not anything unusual! You're encouraging magazines such as OK! That it's all right to label people like this, and that it's okay to use someone's sexuality as news for the public to gossip about!" I lecture, and I feel like I wasted a perfectly good speech on a bunch of drunks.

"Look, What I think Dan's trying to say is if you did it can you please own up as this is going to make our life hell for a few months, possibly even longer! We won't be mad, I promise" Phil steps in, and I nod,
"thank you Phil" I smile, and Phil nods.  

"Anyone?" The DJ asks, taking back his microphone, "Otherwise I'll start dis shindig back up yo!" He cheers, and I jump down from the speaker, annoyed at everyone, and mainly myself, I can't even begin to imagine how embarrassed Phil must be feeling right now, and to think it's all my fault. 

"Perhaps I can help?" A familiar voice of an old friend's voice asks, and I turn round my eyes full of shock,
"How did you even get here" I ask, and Phil turns round to see the person holding their phone with twitter open and their latest tweet sent to OK! Magazine with the clip of Phil and I dancing...