Fifty shades of Phan

Chapter 31

The next day I stroll into work, and get a warm welcome from the glare of Becky and Jessica.
"So we went to Scotland..." Becky started, and I felt a lump grow in my throat,
"AND LOOK WHAT DAN HOWELL POSTED ON INSTAGRAM!" Jessica shouts in my face, presenting me with her phone screen, with Dan and I's selfie from the Manchester Eye displayed on the screen.

"That's not me..." I lie quickly, my eyes flashing between Becky and Jessica's stern faces,
"Then who is it, and why is your Instagram account tagged?" Becky growls, and I sigh.

"Fine it's me, the truth is Dan and I went to Manchester, and-"
"THE CAT CAFÉ THOUGH?" Jessica cries, and I grin mischievously at the two girls,
"That's still happening" I lie, and I see Becky sigh in relief.

"So Philip, Becky and I are having a party for our birthday, and you better come with Dan beatch, that's the only way we can forgive you now. It's tomorrow night at the Village hall in Camden, 6:30pm to 12:35am" Jessica squeals in excitement.
"I'd love to girls, but I'm busy tomorrow" I pretend to be upset, and Becky and Jessica exchange a knowing glance,
"No you're not, we checked your diary, you're not doing anything till next Wednesday, when you're having a spa day at Mrs. Whiskersen's beauty salon for girlies" Becky grins mischievously.

"I haven't got you a present though" I try to get out the party again, but Jessica thrusts two invites into my hand,
"So we'll see you tomorrow then! Bye Phill" she flirts, and I roll my eyes, walking off into the building.

"OH MY GOSH BECKY, I'VE GOT MAIL!" I hear Jessica exclaim behind me , as I open the glass door into my office.
I take my usual perch in my office chair, and sign into the computer on my desk,
"Good morning Phil" my colleague Maddison, who sits next to me smiles,
"Morning Maddie" I reply, glancing at her screen, on which she is watching some sort of porn including a whisk...

I pull out my phone while I wait for the computer to log on, and press Dan's contact name, instantly my phone starts to call him as I hold the cold mobile up to my ear.
"Hello there Philly, what can I do for you this freezing, horrible morning?" Dan's beautiful voice rings through my ears,
"Hey Danny, you know those two creeps that work at my office?"
"Becky and Jessica, how could I forget!"
"Well it's both of their birthday's tomorrow and they're having a party to which they want you to attend. I'm already forced into it and there is no way you're leaving me there alone with those two nut cases" I laugh,
"You know me! I love parties! I guess I can stand a night of Becky and Jessica to be with you, what's the details?"

I inform Dan all about the party, and agree I'll meet him at the pub just up the road from the village hall. We talk for a while after that, until I spot my boss having his morning patrol, so I quickly tell Dan I have to go, and open up the BBC news page, and begin typing.

At my lunch break, I decide to just use the BBC's café as I'm not in the mood to trek across London looking for a Pret or Costa, even though neither of them are that far away.
I stroll into the little café and pick up a tuna and cucumber sandwich, before joining the queue.
"Oh my god Becky, The new Rimmel London eye shadows out!" I hear Jessica squeal, and in waltz the troublesome two.
Please don't let them see me, please don't let them see me,
"PHIL!" Becky coos, waving to me as they saunter over, to where I was queuing.

"Phil I didn't know you ate here!" Jessica giggles,
"Yep, someone warn Victoria that her secrets out, Philip Michael Lester is buying a sandwich from the BBC café!" I exclaim, using all the sarcasm Dan has taught me.
"Omg you havvveeeeeee to sit with us!" Jessica claps, as I hand the man at the till the correct money for the sandwich,
"COME ON!" She squeals, dragging me out the queue over to a small table by the window,
"Right, so we don't normally do this, but we want to invite you to eat lunch with us... FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!" Jessica shouts, and my eyes widen in shock,
"Oh don't worry I-"
"So it's settled! We'll meet you here every day, and on Fridays, we wear pink" Becky smiles, and I glare at her.
"I'm not wearing pink" I growl,
"Fine suit yourself" Becky sighs, picking her fingernails out with a cocktail stick. Where did she even get that??

"So Phil, tell us, what's your ideal evening?" Jessica grins,
"I bet you it's with Dan" Becky winks, and I swallow my sandwich,
"Actually..." sugar, I need to think up an evening without Dan! "Well I guess it would have to be an evening where I get home, run a bath, light some candles, open a bottle of Smirnoff, and-"
"Shag Dan" Becky grins,
"Yes-NO!" I glare, "I'd put on some Michael Bublé and have what I like to call, a 'Bublé bath"

Becky and Jessica stare at me, did I actually just tell them about a Bublé bath...
"Where does Mr.Howell come into this?" Jessica asks me,
"I bet you Dan's in the bath with Phil" Becky giggles, and I glare at her, taking another bite of my sandwich.

"So what about you two?" I ask, trying to bounce the conversation onto them,
"Well, what we normally do is go home, do our usual worship to our Dan Howell shrine in the living room, then act out a fashion shoot,
If we have time we might recreate fifty shades of grey with one of our mannequins, of which we have a choice of Dan Howell, Brendon Urie, Channing Tatum, Orlando Bloom or if we're feeling adventurous maybe Phil Lester"

I stare open mouthed at the girls,
"That's the weirdest and most creepy thing I've ever heard, AND WHY DO YOU HAVE ONE OF ME!?" I exclaim, and before I know it Jessica has grabbed my leg and is slowly running her hand up towards my manhood,
"It's all Becky and Jessica now"