I Trusted You

Chapter 96.

Jasleena

A week went by since the news. I wasn't really speaking to anyone. I got home three days ago. My parents were there. Luka's parents were there. Jake and his little family were there. I guess to support us, but I didn't really care. Don't get me wrong I loved every single one of them, but I just wasn't ok and wanted nothing to do with anyone at all. I guess they understood. Luka spoke to them because I wouldn't. They didn't stay long, they simply wished us best wishes, let us know they were only a call away and that Lila was a complete beauty. My parents hugged me, even when I didn't hug back. My mother knew I wasn't ok. She whispered she loved me and for me to go to her whenever I was ready. If that would ever happen.

Luka kept trying to support me but he also understood I needed time. He was a huge help with Lila. Especially that I was told to be extremely careful and not overdue things. I definitely didn't need to pop any stitches nor get an infection. Lila was a good baby though. She sort of had a routine. She'd wake up at the same time every night. I felt horrible, pushing Luka away the way I had been. But I honestly wasn't ok. The life I wanted and the life I'm living are two completely different ones. How strong can someone be? How was I supposed to just handle everything like that? Why was I the one chosen to walk the path of life that I had? I only wanted to marry the love of my life. Carry his children. Have a house that our children would grow up in. But I was only able to give the love of my life one child. Would he even want to marry me knowing he'd never have a kid of his own again? Would he continue to love me? So many questions were living in that head of mine. Ones that made me doubt everything in my life. Ones that broke me more than what I was already broken. Like how was that even possible.

I felt as if I were just a body laying there. A body sitting there. A body that only functioned because it had to. But emotionally, mentally, I just wasn't there. And I didn't know if I would ever get out of that state. My life felt as if it just went tumbling down. My life felt as if nothing would ever be the same. Or anyone would ever look at me the same. Luka may have loved me then but would he have loved me a year or so later? When he'd want to have more children and remembered I couldn't give him that? I knew there were other answers but of course my mind only thought of every negative possibility. I knew that my brain knew my heart was so shattered it wouldn't allow me to feel any longer. So that nothing else had the chance to shatter me completely. I simply wanted time to turn back. But I couldn't get that... right?