Losing My Mind

Chapter 42

That's it. The recording was done, and there was no going back. No more changes; it'll have to do. Ryleigh seemed nervous about this track, as this is the most outspoken and deeply honest song she has ever written.

And it's all because of one person.

He's changed her to be something better, opened her eyes to view the possibilities and risks that she wouldn't once take.

Ryleigh performed her song to Marcus. She also needed his seal of approval.

'I have to say, Ryleigh, I'm impressed with this. The lyrics are incredible, but I'm starting to see some doubt. You want to tell me?' Marcus had his hands in his front pockets, posing as though she was looking at him when he was on her bedroom wall. She had her eye's down to think for a second.

'I guess I'm not sure how they would react and whether I'm doing the right thing dealing with my feelings for them this way.'

'Actually, this is a romantic thing. Do they know?'

'I-I'm not giving anything away.'

'Then don't. They'll figure it out if it's for them or not.' She smiles dimly at him in response to his comment. 'Look, this song spells out your feelings towards them. You might be scared, but you must show them how much they are a big deal to you.'

Ryleigh nodded, agreeing that it was now or never for this moment. If he didn't feel the same way, it shouldn't matter because they could still be friends.

Marcus has been a helpful advisor when writing her songs and encouraging her to try new things. In response, he shares with all his students the struggles he has had in his life, which haven't always been easy.

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She lets the days go by, only to realise that it is Saturday and that she must perform her song live in front of an audience. Her hands tremble with nerves, and her heart beats fast. She hadn't felt like this at her first audition, which was the worst feeling she had ever experienced.

This would change the relationship with each other. The many mixed signals over the last few weeks have made her doubt if she has read them wrong. It's too late now. Ryleigh knew he would see and hear it. Checking the running order, she will be second, and Rory is going on fourth. Ryleigh would hope for him to be one first and can't make the changes.

In her dressing room, she takes deep breaths and rehearses the lyrics in her head.

'Ry....are you having a panic attack?' Kelsie came in as she saw her friend's body tensing and fists clenching.

'Huh, no.... I'm just trying to remember my song.'

'Breathe, Ry...' She inhales in, and Ryleigh follows, and they then exhale slowly. 'Now, what seems to be up?'

'Am I doing this right? Using my song to portray my feelings?'

'It's quite romantic if you ask me.'

'That's what Marcus said....'

'If he's confident in you, why aren't you with your song?'

'I've never expressed my love anyway for someone.' Ryleigh gets up from her chair and turns to Kelsie. 'It's starting to scare me.'

'Ok.' Kelsie says and puts her hands on Ryleigh's shoulders. 'I might need to slap you to stop acting like this.'

'What if I got this all wrong?'

'You haven't. Trust me.' Kelsie lets go and watch her shoulders slump. 'Do you want me to get Rory so you can talk about it?'

Ryleigh's brows could have touched the ceiling. 'That's the last person I want to be speaking to.'

'Might make you see sense.'

Ryleigh shook her head.

'Come on. This is your only shot. If you left it for too long, it might be too late. The last thing you want to be doing is have any regrets.'

Ryleigh chews the bottom of her lip.

'Five minutes!' A crew member calls out.

'Sing your heart out, girl!' Kelsie says and takes her out of the dressing room.

As she watched Ester perform on stage through the TV, she couldn't hide her nerves, knowing she was next. Every so often, she takes deep breaths.

'Calm down, Ry, it's going to be fine. The crowd love you.' Rory looks at her, concerned.

He's been watching her motives in great detail. She hasn't acted like this since he saw her first perform. Rory then had to convince her not to quit. But he's known her long enough to suspect this is a great deal to her. As well as to him. He admits he's finding it hard to move their friendship forward, but he can't help but worry that he could be waiting too long. Like now, it's his chance to show himself he's a changed man and what changed him was not something but someone. And if he can prove this to Ryleigh, then he's got nothing to stop him from dragging him back to his troubled past.

'This song means a lot to me. I've never written something this important for someone.' She said.

'They'll like it because it's you.' She glows, looking down, trying not to give the game away. The backstage crew called her, and she turned to see Rory one last time. 'I hope so too.'

She followed them side stage, waiting to be instructed to go on, her shaky hands holding onto the microphone. The lights are low, and she glances at the camera. This is the first song where it was just her and the piano, and waits for the intro keys to start.

She expresses that everything feels right and alive in her heart, and being away from her side causes her to fall apart. She sings like it's to him. How he holds her and touches her bare skin sets a light and the promise never to hurt him.

She insists that she can see through his pain and that she will support him through any difficult thoughts he may be having. Her arms are open and waiting for him to fall into them, keeping him safe and warm because she's willing to take the risk and wants him to say yes.

Every way, she will fight him to face his fears, with no reason to hurt him or any way of giving up on what they could have. To never listen to what others say, she's ready to take the risk and thank him for being on her side.

All the courageous words that she couldn't tell him were out there. Ryleigh's feelings about him were out, and she couldn't take it back. The soft symphony in her voice echoed the venue. Once she finished, the crowd went wild, with the judges giving a standing ovation. She appreciated the response dearly.

The judges gave their feedback and were all good criticism. That's all she wanted to hear. But the person she wrote it for was the only one she wanted to listen to their comments from, and he was waiting for her in the green room.

When Ryleigh entered, there was cheering and a group hug. She stared, pleading at Rory to let her know what he thought, but he looked hesitant and distant as if it was a bad thing.

Maybe he wasn't into her as she thought he was.

It was not true; Rory had goosebumps. His heart beat more quickly as he carefully listened to every word. He struggled to hold back the urge to take her in his arms and give her a passionate kiss.

But he couldn't right now; the cameras and crew are here. It's not safe.