𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐁𝐎𝐘-𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 - A Jelloman Fanfic

He's Not Here...

Did crying ever feel this way...? My dumbass really thought I could handle him leaving me. Why did i get so mad at him? Because he's also scared of his own past... and I let him force it all out on telling everyone out or the blue... as if it's something somebody could say to someone and feel totally chill about it afterward. . . Why couldn't i just let what was in the past stay in the past...? I pressured him so much. I'm not thinking ahead of what i say... I'm just blurting it out like a text message you can delete... if only it was that easy. Now, my punishment are these stupid fantasies.. this one was very different from the others... it wasn't fantasy, Josh.. but some... monster, it scares me even more that i can remember what it said to me... it was loud and cracky.. something that scares me more is that i could hear his voice from the monsters voice.... if I sleep tonight... i guarantee it'll come back.. what do I do.. ?

The reason for this was that i didn't think about Josh at all yesterday... so now... because I wanted my mind miles away from him.. I had to encounter
.... that hideous thing... ahh-..... ARGHH!... it all just doesn't make any sense at ALL! Why is this happening..? If I think about him, i get a fantasy... if I don't think about him.. I get a more worsening fantasy.... if I could take myself out, i would by now. I couldn't snap myself back together but kick my feet against my wall. The dream i get when i think about him isn't as worse.. but.. I just hate the way it feels... I always feel hella nauseous in that atmosphere, too.... and don't get me started with that bastard of a fantasy... that state of the rate perverted asshole!!.. he makes me so fricking angry... if Josh was really like that.. I swear! I'll- . . . . . I don't know if I'll be able to handle this..for all I know, seeing Josh again probably won't fix this problem, but make the situation worse ... I'll be more possessed.. infact.. if I try again to avoid the smell of him, my dreams will become worse... I don't - I don't know what to do -...."

. . . .

"- so then it was this monster -"

"Mmh."

"And it was like chasing me around the dream whining about this and that -"

"Ahh... ok.."

"And then at the end, it was all -"

"Ok...."

Jelly ended up making another meeting with the guys....

C & J - agreed again

All 3 of us sat together across from each other like any other meeting or conversation we have. The only difference was the setting... they dragged me out of the house because of my lack of going outside due to my sudden video game obsession... that really wasn't leading nowhere... but were still entertaining... even though it was just one day of trying the technique out...

"So you're now seeing a large creature now?"

"Yeah.. and the weirdest things i found out about it was it sounded like Josh in way..."

They sat there, both of their pairs of eyes pointed directly at me like i just dropped the painting of mona lisa.

"And you still really thought that you could survive without him.."

"If he's not back by next week.. you might pounce thinking everyone you see is him.."

". . ."

"Probably.. already happened, i guess -"

Crainer's usual body language is shrugging his shoulders after speaking.. today, it looks like the type of body language is to get slapped in the face

"Wait.. does anyone know when Josh and Amelia will be coming back?"

...

"They never said they were coming back,"

That question.. crossed my mind... did he ever say he was coming back?