𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐁𝐎𝐘-𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 - A Jelloman Fanfic

SIDE Chapt. 7 - Normalizing It.

4 days passed
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Since yesterday, something weird has been occurring with me.. when me and Ian finished talking, ending it with a hug. Nowadays, a day has passed since then, and i still feel so unsure about it. It's making me realize the only reason we can't live comfortably is because I can't normalize new things easily, it's feels so childish to me at my age currently. None of this is even because of Ian staying here. It's because I'm so nervous for no reason and keep up bringing up random exuses.

My room has become our room. I can't normalize that. Sharing certain things around the house like i used to with Jelly. I can't normalize that with Ian. It's infuriating and, of course. I wanted to speak with Jelly about it even though not everything is because of him and is probably a waste of his time. When I hit him up, though, he wasn't even able to leave his house, apparently.. I'm guessing it's my fault. Besides, I feel like I'm irritating myself for having to call somebody to help me with advice. It's unnecessary.. so it's also my luck.

This reminded me that Ian's out right now. That I'm hear alone, overthinking when i promised him not to anymore. It shouldn't be such a big deal, and I'm over here making it like that.. plunging myself over, laying backsided so i could maybe doze off to sleep on Ian's side of the queen sized bed. Still feeling dense inside. I grabbed onto the double layered blanket with my arms and feet. So Ian's smell can suffocate me until i can't.. think of anything anymore... so I can finally stop trying to finalize everything in my head...

Ian's smell is filling the air.. it's like he's right here next to me.. caressing me. Maybe because i was playing around with his perfume a minute ago..? I admit it without thinking. It's embarrassing.. changing my mindset like this, but i can't move to how comfortable and cold the surface of the bed is right now. I should... I just suck myself in... it feels good.. Almost being 30 and acting like this hurts my pride a bit.. I can't do anything about it...? I feel hot in my stomach again.. inside my whole body, in fact.. It's so.. shameful..

Ian.. come home.. and hold me.
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"What are you doing?"

I'm quivering already. I jumped to the other persons voice from the end of the room. I formated myself to sit up and pretended to be innocent.. the feeling inside my body wasn't helping one bit. I'm sure he's familiar with the smell and the condition of the room and my appearance.

"..it's nothing. I just.."

Looking suspicious of me, Ian took a seat right beside me, probably noticing my fiddling fingers and sweat drop down my forehead. I could exuse I was feeling hot.. cuz I am, currently..

"I didn't spray this much of my perfume on me before i left. How come it feels like the whole bottle was used?"

"I- didn't.. mean to play around with it.. without your permission.. I'm sorry.."

I pouted, feeling guilty, knowing i should be more guilty of something much more.. while i was distracted. He chuckled like he knew what was going on.. still. I'll have to admit everything to him..

"No. I like it. You and our room, probably our whole house, smells like me.. I like it very much.."

The atmosphere changed, waving confusion to my mind. I feel a little nauseous sniffing in the same smell.. it makes me feel drunk and even hotter on the inside like i can't move... what's Ian doing..? I hadn't even realized he leaned in trying to have his way all of a sudden..

"Wait.. are you.. I'm really not annoyed by it. I couldn't stop thinking about you.. since you left.."

He paused suddenly, looking up at me. As if what i just said sent a vision to his head.