I Loved You Before I Met You (New Version)

15

   The first four days at my new school were not too bad. My three classes are easy and I actually made a new friend in my design class. Her name is Lila Collins. She is a little petite redhead with a great sense of humor. We actually have a lot in common, like drawing, music and we're both lesbians. Lila is cute but definitely not my type. We hit it off immediately like we have been friends for a while. Maybe it will not be quite so bad here since I have at least one friend.

   There have been quite a few guys hitting on me and I quickly made it clear that I'm only into girls. I have never been attracted to a guy and just the mere thought of kissing one much less anything else makes me want to puck.

   Some of the girls here have basically been throwing themselves at me and basically drooling over me after it got around that I'm a lesbian. It's funny to see how some of those girls act so desperate for attention. Plus the ones that are nothing but sluts and sleep their way around the school. I'm not interested in any of those girls though.

   There's one woman that holds all my interest and none of those girls can ever compare to her. She is the one I want but unfortunately I know I have to face the reality that it's never going to happen. After all, she is married and I know I need to move on and maybe find someone else instead of torturing myself. It's so hard though, especially when she is so perfect and I feel such a strong connection to her.

   Today is Friday, March 22nd which means today is my birthday. I'm 18 today and I'm no longer a minor. I'm nearly done with school which also means after I graduate, I can move back home to Pensacola. I can move back and be with my best friend, aunt and get away from Lauren. I don't want to be away from her because we have become friends but I just feel to much for Lauren to even consider staying in San Antonio after I graduate. I know I would be leaving Lila behind also but there's nothing to keep me here after graduation.

   Even though I woke up excited that today's my birthday, that quickly changed once I realized how I couldn't celebrate my 18th birthday with my mom like we had planned a few years ago. That really just put me in a bad mood. Then the crap at school put me in an even worse mood for and I am so over today. I swear it was like today was hit on Kyler day and it was ridiculous. You would think when people constantly hear you say you're not interested that it would be clear that you're not interested.

   I noticed today that Ms. Smith seems to possibly like me. She has been paying a lot of attention to me for some reason. She is constantly looking at me and I swear sometimes she even flirts with me. Ms. Smith is pretty and maybe she's the distraction I need from a certain unattainable dirty blonde. Only problem is, I don't feel anything for her. There's no attraction there when I look at her. I just see a pretty woman when I look at her and that's it.

   I honestly sometimes feel like I'm going crazy with how much Lauren consumes my mind but I know I need a distraction. Since Ms. Smith sits in class staring at me and watches me even when she is teaching. I've started flirting with her even though I know I shouldn't. I'm trying to do anything to get my mind off a certain dirty blonde even though I know it's not a smart idea but something's got to give.

   As I'm sitting in English today, I decided to test the waters with Ms. Smith a little more when I turn in my assignment. I hold my work until the very end of class and wait until the bell rings. As I slowly get up from my desk, she is already looking at me. I gently touch Ms. Smith's fingers when I hand her my paper. Then I admire her bracelet by lightly touching it and running my finger softly down her hand to the end of her finger. She looks up at me with a slightly red face. I look down at her with a smirk then lick my lips seductively and she starts squirming in her chair. I wink at Ms. Smith, grab my backpack and head out the classroom door. I felt nothing when I touched Ms. Smith. There were no butterflies or electric current and definitely no magnetic pull.

   I head to Lauren's office since I am done for the day and have no way home except for her. When I enter her office she looks up at me over her laptop. She laughs and says "well you look mighty cheerful." I groan as I sit down in one of the chairs in front of her desk and drop my backpack to the floor. She looks at me for a few seconds then asks "you okay sweetie?"
I sigh but nod my head. "Yes ma'am, I guess" I say and she frowns.

   "Please don't call me that, it makes me sound and feel really old." She says and I love the playful tone in her voice. I grin at her which causes her to smile then she looks down and starts typing on her laptop. I sigh again, lean my head back against the chair and close my eyes. The sound of Lauren typing on her laptop is quite soothing and I feel like I could possibly go to sleep.

   After a few minutes, I open my eyes and decide to look around Lauren's office. As I'm looking around, my eyes land on her. Her hair was up in a perfect messy bun making her flawless slender neck more noticeable. My eyes drift back up to her face and I watch as her long eyelashes flutter as she is reading something on her laptop. My eyes drift to her perfectly pink lips and they just look so kissable.

   Suddenly I feel butterflies in my stomach as I continue to look at her but it also feels like my heart is breaking because I know I can't have her. As I'm watching Lauren work, I suddenly ask "have you ever had feelings for someone you shouldn't?"

   Lauren stops typing suddenly and quickly raises her head to look at me. She seems to study me for a second and think about my question. "W-why?" She nearly whispers but it was loud enough for me to catch it and I notice her breathing has picked up. I wonder what that reaction to a simple question was about?

   Figuring it's best to not go into detail on my question so I just shrug my shoulders. I don't really know how to answer Lauren's question and not make it obvious that I'm talking about her. "Never mind" I mumble as I pull out my phone instead. I slump down in the chair as I mindlessly scroll through instagram waiting for her to finish.