I Loved You Before I Met You (New Version)

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    I move my head to Lauren's chest, close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of her fingers combing through my hair along with the soothing sounds of her heartbeat. It's so relaxing and I could literally go to sleep. A question comes to my mind that I have been wanting to ask for a few days but haven't. I have to disturb our peaceful bubble and just thinking about it makes me nervous. I take a deep breath and hesitantly let it out while trying to calm myself for the question I want to ask.

   "Can I ask you a serious question?"

   Lauren laughs as she is running her fingers through my hair. "It must be some question for you to ask if you can ask me but yes, you can."

   "Umm... would you... I mean, do you... ever want to get married again? I've been wondering if you saw that type of future... for us, with me." I swallow hard because I'm kind of scared of her answer. I know Mike messed her up so she might not ever want to get married again or she might not see that type of future for us or she might not want to marry me. Maybe I shouldn't have asked.

   Lauren stops her fingers in my hair. I feel and hear her heart beat faster in her chest. "I would. I would actually love to marry you one day and I have actually dreamed about that. I had told myself that I would never get married again but I fall more in love with you each day and I..." she trails off as her voice gets a little shaky.

   "I would love to marry you too." I easily admit to Lauren as I continue rubbing on her stomach. Before she can say anything I ask another question. "Do you still want to have kids?"

   Lauren shifts a little before answering. "I would love to have kids. That was one thing I really wanted but now I'm scared that by the time I might be able to, I will be to old and I don't know...." she lets that trail off too.

   I move off of Lauren's chest so I am laying beside her and can see her face. As my fingers are still rubbing circles on her stomach I lean in and gently kiss her cheek. "You would be very sexy with a baby bump."

   This causes Lauren to laugh "oh, is that so?" I nod my head while grinning at her.

   "I would love to have babies with you." I say as I hook my fingers with hers. "I mean it too. I want my forever with you Lauren. I want to marry you and have kids with you. I want us to have a family."

   "Really?" Lauren asks with uncertainty in her voice and raised eyebrows while looking at me.

   "Yes," I simply answer and see her cheeks turn red.

   "I would really like that." Lauren says as she snuggles into me and places a soft lingering kiss on my neck.

   I love this moment we are having but I have another question that's been on my mind since this morning and I have to ask. I just don't want Lauren to get all upset and get in her head again thinking bad things.

  I kiss the side of her head. "Lauren I have something else I need to ask you and please be honest with me." She lifts her head to look at me with furrowed brows. "Why did you think I would be upset with you this morning in your office after you basically jumped me then stopped suddenly? I mean I knew we needed to stop because that was not the right time or place for that. Making out is fun and nothing to get upset about. Especially making out with you."

   Lauren sighs then looks away. I put two fingers under her chin turning her head back towards me. "Talk to me, please." I lean in and peck her lips.

   "I thought you would be angry at me for stopping." Lauren says honestly and I see her eyes glossing over.

   "It's okay to just make out and not have sex. You know that right?"

   Lauren starts shaking her head "it's never been okay to make out and not have sex. At least for me it wasn't."

   I just look at Lauren for a few seconds trying to make sense of what she said. "What do you mean Lauren?" I ask as I caress her cheek.

   Lauren closes her eyes and takes a deep breath then lets it out. "I was always expected to have sex or pleasure him if we started making out." A tear rolls down her cheek and she tries to wipe it before I see it but it's too late. I wipe the tear away instead and leave my hand there gently caressing her check.

   I close my eyes, take a deep breath then ask "what did he do Lauren? Did he ever hurt you?"

   Lauren shakes her head as another tear escapes her eyes. "Not physically, well except one time after you moved in, he... he held my wrists too tight trying to... you know, have sex with me even though I didn't want to. Usually he would just yell and threaten me by saying if I didn't please him I wouldn't like what happened." I sigh loudly as I run my hand over my face. I can feel the anger towards him building up inside.

   "That's why you wore long sleeves for nearly a week wasn't it? I heard y'all arguing that night. If I would have known that was happening I would have come in there and beat the shit out of him."

   Lauren shakes her head "it wasn't your place Kyler."

   I shake my head "I don't care. Why stay with him?" I finally ask.

   Shaking her head, Lauren says "Mike was my first. We met when I was 20 and got married when I turned 21. I thought he loved me and... I thought I loved him. At first, I was so in love with him or maybe the idea of him. He had a way of charming you and sweeping you off your feet. He also had a way of getting in your head and manipulating you without you even realizing it."

   I caress Lauren's face. "I will never make you have sex, or just please me or force myself on you." I kiss her cheek. "Making out is fun. It gives you something to look forward to."

   Lauren smiles and says "thank you Kyler."

   Lauren and I snuggle into each other. "Let's get some rest baby." I say as I kiss her forehead.

   "Yes, we have a big day tomorrow." Lauren says with a yawn.

   "Goodnight beautiful and I love you." I whisper as I kiss her lips.

   "I love you more and goodnight" Lauren whispers and closes her eyes.

   I know I probably will not get much sleep. I'm excited for tomorrow and a little nervous at the same time.

   Thinking of our future though I smile as I can picture us in 10 or 20 years. Laying in bed together and falling asleep in each other's loving arms. Maybe one or two kids fast asleep in their rooms. I cannot wait for a future with Lauren.