Forever Her's

A Heartfull

I slid down my legs from his lap. It was fun and teasing until he said those words. Silence. A complete silence. We didn't startle from our stare. A long deep line of everything, it was me who broke that connection and slithered close to him. I had no words. Not able to react what I was experiencing inside. Overwhelmed.

"Anthony I.. Im sorry" I merely whispered. The words clogged in my throat.

He generously smiled, not at all confused. He knew what he did." What are you sorry for"

"I didn't couldn't understand you were suffering; I knew but didn't know you were suffering this much. I'm sorry"

"Good, because I never wanted you to know either. Because I know you would worry too but I thought its time you understand that I'm keeping this distance or refusing to touch you beyond a kiss or a hug only because I'm scared, I'm scared that I might hurt you and I can never, never be the one to hurt you. I can't accept being the reason for your tears or pain. Not because I don't want to or I resent you. If you were not injured, Eva Scott, I would worship every inch of your skin, every part of your body, I would feast, cherish every night every moment I get to spend with you." He claimed.

The amount of happiness I'm experiencing right now is beyond measurable. My heart full. Full of happiness, a feeling I've never familiar with.

"I... I don't think I deserve that" I said

"Why do you even think that? And what is that you dont deserve?" hes brows crunched so close.

"You" I said catching his glare. "I don't think I deserve you." I finally said those words. The guilt I've been hiding since I fell in love with him." Anthony, you give me everything, love, respect, priority, space everything that I never thought any one would be willing to even consider for me. What I give you in return? Nothing. I thought this was the one and only way I could make you happy, my body, my true feelings, what I feel for you. If Im being honest any girl can give you that pleasure, may be even better than me. But I ruined it with my own hands when I threw myself into the danger and got injured" my throat bobbed, every word was heavy in my mouth. But I said it.

"I was a mess before you found me, I still am a mess in corners of my mind. I'm a broken soul, this, the girl you met, the girl you fell in love with is not the one who I used to be. I, people made me in to this life less, emotionless inanimate object. But I love you with all the bits and pieces of whatever left of my heart. I wish, I really wish I met you before I was broken so that you could see who I really was, before I was a mess. I wish I could love you without this guilt killing me every day reminding you deserve better, someone better than me" I regretted every word spoken out loud, confess to him. But I felt an unconventional inconvenience now drowning my every conscious after he expressed how much he loves me. It only felt like a right thing to do.

I felt like physically shrink myself into something so small and invisible so that I could escape of what now I presented myself. Embarrassment coiling inside my stomach.

Regardless of the pure physical figure of ruin and guilt sitting in front him, he only brushed a gentle finger along my cheekbone and lifted my face, a reflection of pure shy and disgust. But there was not even a drop of resentment or disgust in his face.

"I know who made you this Eve "he said.

Disbelief. It's the fog that blurred my ability to focus perhaps.

"I know what happened in your past. I know about that bastard Ray and what he had done to you." he's face turned soft at me also rage on mentioning Ray's name.

No, its not my mind playing with me. He said he knew about Ray, my past. Now my breathing a horse stepped on fire. I didn't know how fast I was breathing. How did he know.