Forever Her's

Chocolates and Memories

My stars must be playing me right now. This is an insane joke. I don't know how to put this in any other way. Till today morning I was an employee at Sunshine Interiors now I'm on the line to become the CEO, even probably the owner of the company. I still couldn't quiet convince myself its real. I walked presumably a mile from my office. I had to let my nerves and brain cool down. If I were at my house, I would have definitely screamed at the top of my lungs and totally freak out but here, in office I have to keep quiet and honestly, I couldn't let anyone else know before we came to a concrete decision. I have no idea what that is but for now it's just a proposal.

I bought a bunch of chocolate donuts with different kind of toppings ranging from chocolate chips, sprinkles and few chocolate-filled donuts on the way to home. I don't know why I bought these many but I'm habitude to eat sugar when I'm having anxiety or a crisis. So, I saw a pastry take out on the way and my instincts led me inside. The donuts looked so delicious though.

I called Anthony on the way to inform him I'm not coming to his, our house. I wanted to go to my house. That is the only place I'm familiar with whenever I'm in the times of being in emotional crisis and having an anxiety crashing. My instincts insisted I go to my house. He didn't agree first but I told him I need some time and somehow, he understood and didn't push further. He was hesitant but still understood. I didn't tell him about the offer. First, I have to reassure myself how is this going to work out and where I'd be standing if I were to accept this offer.

It has been a long time since the last time I visited my house after I've moved in with Anthony. I had visited a very few times, every now and then, so I miss this place very much. Anthony actually set up a guardian to take care of the house and my plants while I was away. He was worried I would miss them so much and crawl back here leaving him at any time. I miss my plants very much but I would never ditch him for them or in that case not for anything. He is worrying for no reason really.

I went to the balcony to my plants as soon as I opened the door. It was pleasant and exciting to be with my plants and seeing them blooming and thriving. My breezy evenings and sunny mornings in this very spot, the times I had spent pruning and caring for my plant friends, the nights I fell asleep on the carpet reading a book, such sweet memories rushed and flowed freely once I sat and breathed in the sweet scent of little blooms and tilled soil. Such greenery and serendipity, I already feel relaxed a lot. But there was a speck of sadness roiled in my heart. Perhaps, I was overwhelmed to be here after a long time. Or something. I explored every corner of my house, greeted and showered love and told my plants how much I missed them but the heaviness in my chest wouldn't vanish. I took bath and changed in to my old shorts and crop top. I sat down on the carpet in the living room. Grabbed the donuts box. It smelled inviting even before I opened the packing and I could almost taste chocolate and sprinkles in my mouth. I took a chocolate filled and cream coated donut and took a big bite. The chocolate filling in the donut dribbled on my top and rivulets of chocolate ran from the corner of my mouth. I heed no care for the mess I made of myself. I closed my eyes and savoured the rich texture of chocolate and cream. But when I opened my eyes, I realized they were wet and my vision blocked by the moisture gathered in them. I rechecked and tried to reason why I was even crying. The donuts sure were delicious and I'm happy I'm in my home, my comfort place but was I really missed it that much that I end up in tears? My phone buzzed and I glanced to see Anthony's message. "Did you reach home safely, love".

There it is. All of a sudden it made sense. It's him. How stupid I was to think this place and these plants were my comfort but in truth it's him. I wanted to hug him, right away but I couldn't ask him to come at this hour of night. so I ran to my bedroom and tumbled to the closet. After fussing, throwing and wrestling through my wardrobe I felt immense relief when I found his shirt. A white one. He left few of his clothes when we used to spend nights here. He wore this shirt the first time we made love here. I sneaked this shirt to keep to myself. I wanted to remember that day and memories of that night. He didn't object me when I wasn't willing to return it. He just smiled and went without wearing a shirt.

I put on the shirt and it smelled like him. It felt like him. It felt like home. I was all melancholy and emotional in my room when the door bell rang.