Jai Mei's Unforeseen Journey to Ancient China

Chapter Forty Five: The Bearings of Four Souls II

Chun Wei bared his soul, "Broken before I arrived, yet the heartbreak I endure with you surpasses it all. You've carved it from my chest as if it wasn't already shattered.

Why, I wonder? I've never gone against you. I've shielded us from the world. I will put you before me, and make you my everything, and wash the past away, yet you treat me with such cruelty when I'm still malleable.

I sit, move, walk, and talk as you command, swallowing my complaints about being a rotten tree. A weeping willow offering shade despite everything.

I keep the horrors of our home silent, but you display them to the world. Let them hear my cries and pleas. You brand me as worthless and ungrateful, yet I've never uttered a word against you. I've walked your road of broken glass, climbed it, and slept upon it, my dear wife."

He released a hollow, humorless laugh, "My wife? The one I'm destined to merge with in flesh? God, what have I done?

Life was already dismal, and yet, I'm bound in an unbreakable vow with a sea
monster, submerging my head in water!

Then, like the monster you are, your family from the sea came to claim you and drag you home. Farewell, wife.

Will my head finally be lifted from these drowning waters?" Another bitter chuckle followed, "Here goes life, forcing me to witness you battling the sea and returning.

So, I put my head under again, and this time, you pulled it out. You dried my clothes, washed away the sea and salt, as if you understood drowning! You're a sea monster; you don't drown...

You return, trying to demonstrate your humanity, care, kindness, servitude, and keep me safe from the waters.

Chanting, 'I am reborn.' I'll never believe you!"

He exhaled with fatigue, "For some strange reason, I walked to the sea to drown my head, and there you were, pulling me back, never angry, or pushing me under again.

Chanting, 'I am reborn.' Can I believe you? Perhaps, or perhaps one of these days, my walk to the sea will prove true." His hands trembled as he clutched the cup.

Hao Zhang remained silent, as if wrestling with the words trapped within.

Jai Mei, sensing his inner struggle, offered to give him some space.
"I'll leave and give you space," she said, ready to step away.

However, his arm shot out, pulling her back. An intense exhale escaped him, carrying the weight of unspoken burdens.

Concern etched Jai Mei's face; she thought he might be unwell. As she reached out to check on him, he released her and stepped back, revealing an anguish that spoke of a deep, unspoken pain.

Hao Zhang's words pierced the silence, laying bare a painful reality. "You and my mother are like a double-sided medallion - abusers, users, schemers, terrible people. I vowed never to be like her.

As I grew older, around 13, and started working, I did overtime, well aware that by law, at 18, I could disown myself and leave. This resolve solidified, especially when I was blessed with a baby sister - the only positive thing my mother ever contributed.

The day I first laid eyes on her, wrapped in a simple cloth, grasping my finger, I found myself embracing the essence of brotherly love for my baby sister, Hao Baihe," he confessed, his voice carrying a poignant yearning.

Motivated by an unyielding sense of responsibility, a duty to be her guardian in a world adorned with both beauty and hardship, I found myself sacrificing sleep and neglecting meals.

I toiled relentlessly, conditioning my body to endure the challenges.

My mother, indifferent to both me and my sister, added another layer of difficulty.

It took me five years to save 20 taels of silver - a year's worth of wages. I could have saved more, but I paid my mother for a roof over our heads. As long as I had the coin, she disappeared into a world of drunkenness, stench, scheming, taverns, and brothels. Yet, I didn't care.

My sister helped me discover the beauty in life. Her first words were my name, calling me "Big Brother Zheng."

Despite being too young, she showed an interest in hunting. To this day, I'm unsure how she managed to set up the rabbit trap or where the rabbit even came from in the backyard. She even crafted me a fur tassel, a precious gift. He chuckled softly, "and then it was all gone, you burned it in a fire."

He sighed deeply, "In that fifth year, you arrived. From day one, since your arrival, you've taken from me, disrupted my plans, and sowed seeds of inadequacy in me.

I prided myself on being a provider and protector, but you've made me question every aspect of myself.

My mother, as usual, with her penchant for trouble, and at the time, everyone was wary of offending the Jai Family. Her schemes against you got us banned. I didn't care; I was all set to break away from my mom as long as I had my sister.

But then the unsavory crowd my mom associated with set me up, drugged me for my coin pouch, and placed me in the hut with you and the other guys."

After the ordeal, as reality sunk in, my mother and sister were nowhere to be found, banished from the village.

There was nothing left for me to do, and I found myself rushed into marriage to avoid the dishonor associated with such circumstances. The weight of the situation would've made it impossible for me to work, marked as dishonorable and defiled.

I was thrust into a marriage, and my sister was gone before I could even process the entirety of the situation.

You spent my five years of hard work, my blood, sweat, and tears-20 taels of silver-all in one night! You called it a marriage gift, mocking me with laughter.

How did the fate I desperately tried to evade become my wife? The same patterns of abuse, schemes, drunkenness, and associations with gangs.

No matter what you did to me, I couldn't bring myself to do the same to you. If I hurt you the way you hurt me, I'd be no different from you and my mother.

You systematically chipped away at my soul, pushing me to the brink. You made me questioned my pride, making me feel incapable since I couldn't be everywhere at once. I couldn't always prevent you from abusing the others, especially when I was away working to provide for this family.

You took everything, even my ability to find my sister or pay to locate her. The weight of it all is unbearable...

I lost everything that defined me and was dear to me. Passed from one abuser to another, I was stripped down to nothing. It's laughable.

And now you come here claiming you've changed? Lies! People like you never change. They take, destroy, and trample over others, whether pretending to be nice, kind, or cordial.

You're playing mind games with me! Yet, I still feel inadequate. My actions were out of obligation for myself and the guys, not for you.

It makes me feel horrible. For not believing in this new you! trusting in this new Jai Yuna! or thinking you need protection.

Why does it seem like I'm now the one abusing you? I'm reducing you to nothing. Why do I even want to give you a chance after all these years of abuse?

There must be something seriously wrong with me. And what's wrong with me is you!

You fell into the lake, and I felt the sun on my skin for the first time. I saw the green on the grass that I haven't seen in a long time. I felt the breeze down my back that I haven't felt in a long time!

And then you survived... You told me you changed. And that we're here to lay you to rest today. What are you doing to me?

He clutched his heart, his face contorted in pain, and whispered, "What are you doing to me..."