9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lone Star one shots (mostly angst)

84: Buck Centric⚠️⚠️

•Title: "Control"

•Requester:

•Warnings: talk of SA. Talk of death.

•Inspiration: I just got to thinking..

•Type: Angst

A/N: Hope you enjoy.

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"Buck, we need to talk," Bobby says at his barbecue, guiding Buck inside the new house.

"Yeah, what's up, cap?" Buck questions.

"After our last call, the chief is concerned about you," Bobby says.

"Bobby, I'm f-."

"Buck, you held a child as they died. That'll rattle anyone," Bobby responds.

"Bobby, it's the job. I can't sa-."

"Buck, you walked out of the shift. The chief has concerns," Bobby responds.

"so, what? I'm suspended?"

"Buck, it's not that simple," Bobby says softly.

"What do you mean?"

"You're suspended until the department therapist clears you," Bobby says, causing Buck to inhale sharply.

"No," Buck says, turning around and walking away.

"Buck-."

"No, Bobby!" Buck exclaims as he spins on his heel, "I am not going there."

Fighting my anxiety constantly, I try to control it.

+ + + + +

"So, you going to explain?"

"Explain what?" Buck asks as he pours a shot of vodka before downing it.

"Oh, I don't know, leaving the barbecue ten minutes after it started? What about you coming home and doing a shot?"

"The chief suspended me until I am cleared by the therapist," Buck says as he pours and downs another shot.

"Okay, you're cut off," the bottle is slid away from Buck, who promptly pouts.

"Give it back," Buck says with a hiccup.

"So that you can drink yourself into oblivion? No, you need to talk about whatever is upsetting you. It doesn't have to be with me, but you can't hold this in."

"I can't go to therapy, Maddie. I just can't," Buck says.

Even when I know it's been forever I can still feel the spin.

+ + + + +

"Buck, it's been a week. You need to be at work again," Bobby says.

"I'm not going into that building, Bobby."

"Buck, she doesn't work for the department anymore."

"I can't, Bobby. This situation is the same situation I was in last time."

"Bu-."

"Bobby, I went to therapy after losing a person I was called to save. I was made to go by the department. Now, guess what? I'm being told to go back there because I lost another person I was called to save. I can't go in there, Bobby! I just can't!"

"Okay, take a breath," Bobby says as he puts a hand on Buck's shoulder.

"You don't get it, Bobby. I see her face everywhere. I hear her voice when I'm alone. I feel her touch no matter how many showers I take."

"Okay, Buck," Bobby says softly, "I'll talk to the chief, see if we can figure something out. What if the therapist came to you?"

"We'll figure this out. Just breathe."

Hurts when I remember and I never wanna feel it again.

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed!!!