9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lone Star one shots (mostly angst)

23: Buck+Eddie⚠️⚠️⚠️

•Title: "Consequences"

•Requester:

•Warnings: self harm (in detail this time, though!!!), the fight, etc.

•Inspiration: I randomly thought of it because I wish we would see how Buck reacts.

•Type: angst

A/N: Okay, I hope you enjoy.

_____ _____ _____

"Why are you so pissed at me?" Buck questions.

"Because you're exhausting," is the response he gets from Eddie.

"We all have our own problems, but you don't see us whining about it," Eddie says, "no, somehow, we justmanage to suck it up. Why can't you?"

"That's kinda harsh. It's not like the guy asked to be crushed by a ladder truck," Chimney says.

"No, but he filed a stupid lawsuit," Eddie responds, "and now I can't even talk to you because of it. You know how much Christopher misses you? How could you? You're not around."

"I... I didn't realize that," Buck stutters out, his heart hammering in his chest, "maybe I can come and visit Christopher. You know the lawsuit doesn't prevent that."

Eddie scoffs, "no, it prevents me from reaching out to you."

+ + + + +

Buck is sitting on the floor of his bathroom. He is holding his lighter in his hand. Sharp, jagged, breaths leave his lips as he replays everything over and over in his head. He regrets it, he does. After he left the store, he went to his lawyer-okay, his lawyer called him, but still-and dropped the lawsuit. His lawyer was not happy, but it had to be done. All he wanted was his family back. Why couldn't anyone see that? Then again, he was completely selfish. He didn't even notice that Eddie was struggling. He didn't even think that Chris would miss him. Of course Buck misses Chris, though. There were countless times where he had Eddie's number dialed, or he was outside of Eddie's house. It took every ounce of strength to drive away or put the phone down. He always thought that it was going to be worth it... Now, he's not so sure.

Buck takes in a long, stressed, breath. He flicks his thumb over the lighter and stares at the flame. He's nearly hypnotized as he lowers it towards his leg. He doesn't even remember pulling his jeans off, or pulling the leg of his boxers up. He did, though, and the skin is accessible. As the flame touches his skin, right under some other burns from past nights, his breath hitches. He slowly drags his hand downward before lifting his hand away. He lowers it again towards the skin, hissing in pain. he doesn't know how long he's there, or how many times he does it, but he's in a trance. He doesn't hear the door to his loft opening, or the shouts of his name that grow more and more panicked.

+ + + + +

"Fuck!" Eddie exclaims as the team gets to the station.

"Eddie!" Bobby shouts.

"Why did I say that, Bobby!? Why the fuck did I say that to him?" Eddie questions, "how could I? I used Chris against him!"

"Eddie, go home," the fire captain says, "you've got too much on your mind."

Eddie just nods and walks into the locker room, practically ripping his shirt off of him. He pulls on his street clothes in a haste. He grabs his bag and phone before storming out of the firehouse.

"Think he'll realize?" Hen asks.

"I hope so. Those two are frustrating," Bobby says with a soft chuckle.

Eddie reaches his car and looks at his phone, seeing a text from Buck. He takes a breath before looking at what the message says.

You were right. I called off the lawsuit. It was selfish of me. I never should have done it. I just wanted my family back, but I don't deserve any of you.

Reading these words, knowing he led Buck to thinking that, makes Eddie's stomach do flips. His heart is in his throat as he speeds from the parking lot.

+ + + + +

He reaches the loft in record time-how Athena didn't pull him over, he'll never know. He knocks and doesn't receive a response, so he knocks again. Sighing after the fifth time, Eddie fishes out his key and unlocks the door. The apartment is empty, but he saw Buck's car in the lot, so he knows he's home.

"Buck?" Eddie questions, "Buck!" Eddie looks around and sees the bathroom door shut and the light on. Through the frosted glass he can see the silhouette of a shaking body, "Buck!"

His voice is more panicked as he screams the name more. He rushes to the bathroom and turns the knob, thankful it's unlocked. He pushes the door open and gasps. He sees the lighter in his hand, the flame on his skin. Without thinking, Eddie reaches down and slaps the lighter from Buck's hand, hissing as his hand touches the flame.

"Fuck, Evan," he mutters as he looks at the wounds, "why? Why in the hell would you do this?"

"I deserve it," Buck says nonchalantly, "I'm just a selfish bitch."

Eddie didn't even realize that tears had built up in his eyes until they began falling, "Buck, please don't say that."

"Why not, Eddie? It's true."

"C'mon, Bud," Eddie lifts Buck under his arms and onto the edge of the tub. He treats the wounds as best he can with the supplies Buck has, "you're not selfish, you're not a bitch, and you're sure as hell not a selfish bitch."

"I-I am. What I did to the team, to you, to c-chri-"

"No," Eddie places his hand on the back of Buck's neck to force eye contact, "Christopher is fine. He is okay. I shouldn't have said that to you."

"E-Eddie," Buck says as he sobs.

Eddie pulls Buck's face to his shoulder, wrapping his other arm around his torso. He holds him, occasionally placing kisses to the nearly broken man's temple, "Let it out, Buck. I've got you, baby."

_____ _____ _____

A/N: Well, I kinda wrote this in a trance so idek if I stuck with the prompt.