Dust || Yoon Jeonghan

Old Beef

Let me rant a little.

I hate my luck. I also kinda like it. i mean i hate every thing when it happens, but sometimes the worse things lead to the best things in life. my second traumatic experience lead to the moments i cherish the most. 

just like every other unpleasant incident, it started with a normal day. 

the episode was going well but then i was informed that jeonghan cheated. again. and i had to think of new rules to add.

i went to the front of the set where producer kang sits, just in line with the cameras. i leaned a little close to him as he was sitting and started explaining him the additional rules i wrote on my tablet to save the game.

suddenly an unruly hair strand freed itself from behind my ear and gravitated down in front of my tilted face curling down on the tablet screen. mr. kang chuckled and tucked the strand behind my ear gently. 

i didn't mind it since we knew each other for a long time and he treated me like a little sister. but when i looked up, seventeen had stopped talking and the members were looking at us with their mouth open. 

"i didn't know pdnim was this romantic." jeonghan said with an evil grin on his face

"why are you making us 3rd wheel on our show?" scoups pointed at the producer with a pout.

"you look good together!" hoshi cheered loudly.

 soon the other members joined in, teasing mr. kang about being 'young at heart' and 'lovesick'. mr. kang laughed it off and it made me a little mad. 

why are men so dumb?

couldn't he just deny it right then and there? but of course he couldn't do that! rumors are the main theme of my life i guess. 

people started joining 2 and 2, feeling thrilled by their 'smartness' as they came up with various stories. almost everyone seemed convinced that i was dating mr. kang no matter how much i denied. they seemed to think that this was the reason for my privileges and even though none of them were hostile, i could sense the bitterness in their voice when they teased me about being the producers favorite.

my anxiety started to worsen again as the last incident at music bank seemed to be happening all over again. It became hard to breathe around people. i stopped meeting seungkwan at the prop room. it became hard to handle the disgusting things that were being said about me. 

it annoyed me that everyone seemed to think i got this job because i was dating mr. kang. it annoyed me even more that the rumor that i was dating someone double my age became a running joke between seventeen and their closest crew.

I took trembling steps towards the producer with my eyes fixed on the floor. i tried to ignore the chaotic voices of the idols. the producer gave me a friendly smile which i tried hard to return. i put a lot of effort in keeping my voice stable as my lungs seemed to be contracting and my heart beat kept escalating. i knew i had to escape as soon as possible but the producer kept asking me questions. 

"arin shi" mingyu called out. "why are you blushing?" 

my jaw clenched. i wanted to yell 'because i am fucking suffocating' at his face but the image of my paycheck stopped me. i ignored him, unconsciously rolling my eyes as i continued to talk to the producer. 

"arin shi are you annoyed?" scoups called me out. i felt intimated as i saw him arch his brow at me.

"it's just a joke guys." seungkwan tried to defend me but it didn't work. i noticed mingyu sulking beside dk who was laughing awkwardly. 

"ms. song you should apologize to the artists." mr. kang said indifferently, not even looking up from the notes i gave him. i battled with the incoming tears as my heart throbbed uncontrollably and it kept getting more difficult to breathe. 

i felt mentally and physically frustrated. i needed open air but i was trapped here with so many eyes on me. 

"it's okay arin you don't have to." seungkwan said with concern but i didn't fail to see the looks of his members. dino mouthed my name shocked at seungkwan talking to me casually.

"an apology won't hurt." woozi commented as other members exchanged glances. my head hung down as i stared at the wooden floor. 

"i am sorry for being unproffessional." i mumbled somehow. they started telling me it was okay and let's be more friendly in the future but i couldn't hear anything above my heart. i trembled a little as the pressure from the past few weeks over powered me. 

i felt my eyes water as i bowed one last time to apologize but then something shifted in my mind. i knew i was dangerously close to an anxiety attack. i lifted my head up.

i looked at mingyu straight in the eyes. 

"it's unproffessional to joke about someone's dating life." i said without breaking eye contact. he seemed flustered but before he could say anything asst. seo pulled me back. i didn't resist and let him take me back to my place.

:o Cookie : the members didn't know that the joke was crossing any lines as producer kang himself never showed any irritation for it.