Dust || Yoon Jeonghan

Origin of stubbornness

after hanging up i sat in the same position for god knows how long. my phone was resting idly on my lap, vibrating every now and then with texts and notifications related to work. 

i threw my head back, resting it on the headboard as i let out a deep sigh. 

can someone just live life on my behalf?

hara was right like always. i don't hesitate before speaking up but this time is different. i am scared because if i confront jeonghan and mingyu, it won't be a good old fashioned monologue but a conversation.

and unfortunately, conversations are a two way thing.

i turned my phone on to stop myself from overthinking but my fingers opened the gallery on their own. 

all my body parts are stupid.

i scrolled down instinctively, memories popping up in my head like a movie playing in reverse. 

eunwoo leaving me alone that fateful night. the hurt on jeonghan's face when eunwoo revealed we were together. seeing him after one whole year and the way we had ignored each other as if we were nothing.

the times with eunwoo. back when he was still trying to win my heart. i scoffed at the pic of our first date. we looked so happy but it wasn't as beautiful. eunwoo had persuaded me for a month and even though i agreed, i knew the most i felt was attraction to his face.

it would've ended in disaster even if mingyu hadn't "revealed" that i cheated on jeonghan. 

i kept scrolling and after cringing at a series of depressing selfies, that time finally came. the last time i met jeonghan, 4 months before our break up. he was leaning his head on my shoulder while i sipped my coffee. it was an adorable picture. 

if someone told me that jeonghan would lose interest me after that, i would've laughed at their face. but plot twists are an annoying feature of life.

scrolling back into time into all those beautiful memories, i wished i could reverse the sequence of events.

break up first and fall in love later. 

even if it doesn't make sense, at least it would be a happy ending. isn't that all people want?

 my eyes lingered on the group pic of our last christmas together. i was standing between jeonghan and joshua. it was awkward but joshua and i pretended to be on good terms is front of jeonghan. no one could tell from the pic what was really going on. 

behind me was seungkwan. standing on his tiptoes to be visible and making cat ears over my head. we used to be so close back then. i stared at his face for a few seconds. it was only when a tear dropped on the screen that i realized i was crying. 

i turned the phone off and threw it on the other side of the bed. 

i shouldn't have seen those photos. 

why do i always do things i shouldn't do? 

i curled up into the blanket, clutching it tightly towards my chest as i hugged myself. 

hot tears rolled down my cheeks and like always i ignored them and their voices. i have made my identity around defiance. i just can't do anything right anymore.

i fell asleep holding my body tightly and a memory i had tucked away for years resurfaced in my dreams.

..

"SONG ARIN! wait till your father hears about this."

"hear what? that i stopped you from hitting me?"

she snickered, the shadow falling over her face sending chills down my spine. but i didn't show my fear and kept an unshaken look.

mom glided her hands over the stick she used to discipline me. the religious ring on her hand was making me feel like throwing up.

she stepped closer to me and i wondered if she found out that i earned the money she was holding through a kissing booth in my school's carnival. it won't register well with my conservative parents.

"your father will get your tongue rolling. i am taking this until then" 

my eyes widened in horror as she tucked the money deep into the inside pocket of her coat. but the helplessness i was feeling made me realize something.

i couldn't stay there any longer.

when it was midnight, i carefully took the gold cult ring she had placed on the nightstand in exchange of my money, rejoicing at the idea of it getting melted over the flame and ran away from home. 

not before leaving an emotional letter of course.

i am going to seoul to work in the "unholy" entertainment industry. don't worry about me, i will become a big director, eat junk food, wear revealing clothes and stay unmarried till 35.

thanks for giving birth to me mom and dad.

i will make sure you regret it :)

- song arin 

:o Cookie: jeonghan and hara are the only two people to know about arin's early life before she got to seoul. arin was skeptical about sharing her vulnerable secrets to jeonghan but his non judgmental response surprised her. jeonghan humorously praised her for doing everything she said she would in the letter, lightening her heart with his jokes.

A/N: what do you think went wrong with their relationship? i am curious about your opinions 👀