Dust || Yoon Jeonghan

FML

only a few days are left.

everything that has to happen will happen now. 

i am not ready for it.

my reflection in the mirror looked so worn out and no matter how many products i apply, my face remains dull because of the lifeless eyes. 

it's so exhausting to resist the changes. even i know that it's stupid to stretch things out when i could actively make life better. but realistically, how many people would go through hell just with a hope to reach heaven? 

i slapped some blush on my cheeks, bringing much needed color to my face. 

"MAM! THE SUN IS UP!"

i rolled my eyes as soojin banged my door. i opened it, only to see a flustered soojin in front of me. i arched my brow questioningly as she looked horrified.

"how are you awake? usually you are sleeping like a sloth."

"what did you say?"

"i-i meant aurora, you look like a sleeping beauty in the morning."

she grinned and i shook my head in disappointment. i envy soojin for her unseriousness. at least she seems happy all the time. no matter how much i scold her, she always works with a smile on her face.

walking out into the courtyard, i was greeted by a bright sunshine that made the cold air a bit more comfortable. the camera crew was packing up for the next location. 

which also happens to be the last location.

the games are over and to commemorate the show, we will hike up a snowy hill and spend the last night in a wooden cabin with a nice bonfire. it would be a visual treat to be served like a desert after the full course meal of competitive games and unhinged jokes.

i rubbed my nose as the cold air left a stinging sensation over it. after checking everything with soojin, i could finally have breakfast.

i noticed the other directors tense up as i approached the table with a formal smile and soojin behind me. i am not that close to any of them since i rarely join their drinking sessions, using my clinical social anxiety as an excuse.

"oh ms. song is here guys!" one of the camera directors announced as if the others couldn't see me. i bowed my head slightly to acknowledge him.

"we were talking about you just now" someone else said with a snicker on her face.

i felt unsettled but took a place beside her anyway. soojin was glancing between me and the others alternatively.

"mam can we switch places? i don't like sitting on corners."

even though the excuse was utterly nonsense, soojin's concerned eyes told me she had sensed my discomfort with sitting beside the woman who was still staring at me with a jarring smile.

i nodded and soojin placed herself between me and the others. 

"so what unfortunate event led to me becoming a topic of conversation here?" i questioned politely but with a hint of sarcasm in my words.

i caught some of them glance at each other and roll their eyes. i shifted my gaze to the food in front of me, the air getting more and more suffocating as i felt myself become smaller under the hostile environment.

"you seem to have quite a history with the idols."

i looked up with a defiant smile and my jaw clenched challenging her audacity. even if they know about the kiss, it wasn't my mistake to suffer from.